The Dream

"Eva, are you okay?" I heard Hamish ask, still sleepy.

"It was a dream.." I assured him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" I said, a bit to fast. Hamish rolled over to face me, he put a hand to my face.

"You can talk to me about anything dear." I put my hand on his.

"I know." I said, closing my eyes. "It was just a nightmere, don't worry." I forced a smile, and kissed his slips.

"Okay darling."He smiled back, pulling the blankets over his face. "I'm so tired." He moaned.

"So am I." I laughed, sneeking under the blankets too. I placed a kiss gently on his lips.

"I love you." I said, snuggling up to him, and falling into another deep sleep.

But this time, I did not dream. My sleep was silent, peaceful, and beautiful, full of nothingness.

My eyes opened an hour later, to find not only was Hamish gone, but a note was placed on the pillow. How odd, I thought. I picked it up, and unfolded it. There written on the note was.

Dear Eva,

I have gone out, and won't be back til tonight. Sorry, love you,

Hamish xx.

I traced my fingers along the writing, then picked the piece up and placed it in the bin before heading down to make breakfast.

There wasn't much in the fridge, but I guessed eggs would do.

I grabbed a frying pan and cracked an egg. Easy! I thought, but when I looked down I noticed a few egg shell parts.. S**t! I thought. I grabbed a spoon and scooped them out.. all good, I smiled wearily to myself.

When Hamish got back that night, I was full of questions.

"Where were you!?" I gaped at him.

"I had to go somewhere.." He said sighing.

"Where?"

"Give it up Eva, you've asked me this a million times, and I said I can't tell you!"

I ran upstairs and threw myself on my bed, and pulled a pillow over my face. Why can't he tell me!! I was so confused and upset.

I went to bed early that night, and didn't speak to Hamish before so. I was so angry and annoyed at him, but decided it wasn't worth it. So I spoke nothing of it to him.

 

Author's Note

So this is the chapter most of you won't like. Yes it's annoying, and it spoils everything, but the next few chapters will make up for all the wreckage! So thanks, and ignore spelling mistakes. Don't forget to review, and leave a high rating, and I'll do the same.

Reviews

[Rain]

okay, needs to be longer, it was a bit too fast
get into a bit more detail
and she only asked him twice...compared to a million..lol
and the egg bit didnt seem to fit...
work on this chapter

[Aynsley]

Sorry! I'll work harder :(

[FairyTalePrincess]

Too much speech, for too little writing; my only critisism.
Anyway, you need more description. You should edit this. Anyway, great work.

[KeSha]

Haha nice chapter name. "The Dream." ooh, interesting, makes me feel tingly inside.. butterflies :D i mean
fireflies? ;D OWL CITYY woohoo yeah ima random lol
nice chapter again, lol is that all i ever say? okay then. um
fantastic chapter, you lovely girl!

[Dorryy]

You should try make your chapters longer, anyways, good good good, you are a great writer for 13.

[Aynsley]

Thank you guys for the critism! I will try and edit them all today! Thank you xx

[WayOath]

Well, I don't think the mistakes took away from the story. But you are getting better with imagery and detail, however, we all have to be aware of format. The paragraph deal is something that a writer should decide. Say, where do you want this thought to end and then end it there. But yes, you could add a little mroe to your paragraphs unless you are just trying to end a thought there. I loved this chapter, it shows a bickering side to the couple. That is always a reality with a couple. Also, one more thing for you to critique is your pace. In less than a couple of lines she is making eggs in the morning and then she is fighting with Hamish later in the day. This technique usually works best with longer chapters, when there is tons to read. Even with these little critiques I have given you, this chapter was still good. I am very proud of you for spicing up your detail.

[Tea And A Cheshire Smil..]

I stumbled upon this chapter by accident so I'm yet to read the others, but I think you've got a pretty good idea so far ^^ However, I do have a few criticisms to make.

Firstly, you really need to proof-read your work or, in the very least, paste it into a word processor and click Spell Check. This piece had quite a few silly mistakes in it, most of which Microsoft Word would have picked up on. Admittedly there were a few typos that it wouldn't have noticed, where you wrote "slips" instead of "lips" for instance, but it still could have improved your work a great deal.

Secondly, I suggest you revise your use of paragraphs. You seemed to start a new paragraph after every other sentence. Also, you should brush up on your punctuation skills too. ".." should actually be "..." no more, no less. But then, that's a mistake a majority of writers make :)

Like I said, you have a pretty good idea here and I did actually enjoy reading this chapter. Sadly though, the errors that I pointed out really took away from this. I'm not saying it's a bad piece of writing because it really isn't, but it could be improved a great deal. Everybody makes silly mistakes from time to time, but when there are this many it takes away from the quality of the writing quite a bit, and it's such a shame because they could be easily avoided.

EDIT: Also, may I add that this is a fantastically well written piece of writing considering your age. Most thirteen-year-olds' have difficulty writing pieces that are up to this standard, and all the errors that you made are often made by more experienced writers too. Despite the amount of criticism I included, it really is a good piece of writing.