Prologue

A Chapter by Ayrayen

This is the Prologue - River tells you a little about his thoughts and secrets.

We were embraced by loud and harsh noises coming from all around us, pounding against surfaces of huge pipelines that stretched far over to the end of the dark alleyways.

With little to no light to guide us, we were undoubtedly nothing more than rats, lost and forgotten about in this huge twisted maze,
in search for that cheddar cheese at the end of the tunnel.

Each step that I took, was heavier than the last. I might as well walk through quicksand with a heavy backpack on my shoulders.

And this unbearable stench, this putrid smell of old oozing residues coming up from those murky sewers, was enough to moisture up my eyes with my hands covering my mouth and nose. I couldn't help but shake and feel a slight gag reflex. I wanted to throw up.

Turning around to check up on my comrades is as pointless as throwing rocks into the ocean, I'll be met with nothing more but a dismal sight with sorrow hanging over their faces. We are in this together, I need not to stray salt in an already open wound.
I wouldn't judge them, as I feel the same way they do-
We must keep our spirits up and work for that brighter future of ours.
I couldn't help but chuckle a little, my friends looked up at me strangely, probably thinking that I was going crazy.
Upon examining the dark night sky, I was met with one bright star far out, glimmering in the eternal darkness.
I thought to myself "That's right, wherever there's light, there must be darkness". And now, I was met with a new hope, new strength and the power to believe.

I remember how happy we used to be, that wonderful laugh of hers and the enchanting eyes that swooped by with a quick smiling look at her-
I fell in love with her at first sight, Celestia-
Oh how optimistic and happy you used to be, it saddens me to see how such a bright star slowly turned into a surging void feeding on nothing more but negativity. If this goes on, that lovely flower of mine will wither in no time.

My best friend, Andron, I knew from the moment I met him that he was a dishonest person, he probably knows it too. For when we spoke for the first time, he always told me secrets followed by a chuckle as if he was a comedian. I respected him with my whole heart, I know that there is a reason behind everything that happens, so I would never judge him.
He has a burning passion of justice and can't stand injustice by any means.

Hehe, I've caught him glancing over at Celestia a coupple of times, I think he's discovered the gentle burning flame that keeps us so attached to her, that gentle warmth that keeps making us come back to her.

This attraction, so sweet and gentle.

But I can't help but feel this strange sensation from when they both talk with each other. A combination between happiness and hate. Is this.. Jealousy?

Nevertheless, I must admit, I can't say I'm any better than anyone in this world. For I have the darkest secret of all. My name is River Vilfair, and I have a gift that is also, in the darkest corner, a curse.
I am a harbinger of death and solitude, my parents fell by my own hands.

My hatred feeds on misery and sorrow.
Yes, I am a mistake, one by one, those whom I love - will fall.
Celestia, Andron, you are both fools.
And I love you for that..

next chapter

© 2014 Ayrayen

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Reviews

Jeccka

You have a very descriptive writing style that brings out River's character quite easily. I like your use of metaphor to bring across different emotions and attitudes such as, "... as pointless as throwing rocks into the ocean..." which both sets the scene - trudging on with hopelessness - and how River feels, familiar with the silence of sorrow. Well done!
There are just a few grammatical twists in the beginning that can do with a tiny bit of fixing, for example:
The beginning of the second paragraph, "With little to no light to guide us, we were undoubtedly nothing more but rats..." More commonly it would be said, "nothing more THAN rats..." showing a comparison between their current form to the low-life treatment of rats. And more commonly known is, "cheddar cheese" which is written in reverse at the end of the previous sentence.
Overall I felt you kept the reader engaged through out the entire passage, with enough action sprinkled here and there to keep it interesting. Great work!