What have I become? (complete)

A hitman who though hed lost everything realizes otherwise a second too late. this is the full version

He has traveled so far to be here,
to do this.
he climbs the tallest stairs of the tallest building
there it sits,
ready for him.
he opens the lock, lifts the lid, and there it sits,
staring at him,
so cold.
He lifts it, from its bed, cradles it,
he prepares to do his job

comotion, down below, he peers over the balcony,
onto the street.
here they come.
he breathes, calming himself,
into his pocket he reaches, and withdraws, a paper.
a picture,
He doesnt need it, hes memorized her every feature,
he could tell you anything about her face,
a quick glance, then over the balconey,
he stares down through the scope,
he finds her,
there first time meeting in person.
his breath catches in his throat,
so beautiful, so young,
hes never done it to someone so young
wait!
he sees her
in his mind,
in an other place, and time,
what is this memory?
he discards it,
what is wrong with me?
he finds her again,
surrounded by those that love her,
No more distractions,
he follows her,
waits for her to stop,
a moment of calculation
the pull of the trigger.
the sound is deafening
and then he realizes
a split second to late,
why he knows her,
over a decade before,
before this,
before, he became a hunter of men.
a cold winter morning,
a little girl,
"merry christmas daddy!"
 

 

 

 

 

He drops the gun,
over the ledge it falls
it tumbles and twists, untill finally it hits,
it goes off,
another explosion.
a flash
more screams

he stands in shock,
what have I done?
what have I become?
he cannot move
he cant comprehend
his last connection to this world
found and a second later lost.
now,
truly alone,
he screams into the night.
in the back of his head, he knows he doesnt have much time
they will be here for him soon.
but does he care?
does it even matter?
no.
he has nothing left.

the door splinters, he has waited too long,
a glance to the left, a glance to the right, theres five of them, two armed
He prepares to dispatch them, but no.
no more killing, no more death
just one last hit, on a man more than deserving,
he runs, feeling the searing pain of a bullet in his leg, in his arm, in his chest,
but finally he leaps, over the ledge,
his fate now sealed, he lets out a sigh of relief, his last breath,
his mind calm,
he prepares for the end
he sees her face smiling, beckoning for him to come.
and then,
Nothing

Author's Note

the main thing I want know is if the second part helps or hurts.
anything else you want to pint out go ahead

Reviews

[Jarrett]

I enjoyed this work; to me it seemed very poetic in nature, and aside from a few grammatical errors, was perfectly written. Each story has a way that it needs to be told, for each plot has it's own flavor, and I believe this one unfolded as it should have- but then again, I have always been a bit partial to things of a macabre nature.
Excellent job.

[Lying Is My Hobby]

I personally think it would be better to leave the second part out, and simply end it as soon as the readers realize she's his daughter.
That would leave the readers staring at your writing, hoping that the worst had not actually happened.
"merry christmas daddy!"

[El Cu Cuy]

It was very......thought provoking. I wana say that it brings a feeling of regret and fear of ourselves. As if you don't know why you're doing something that you don't want to do. You have a sense of dread and forboding as you forget your own past. Very well writen and put together.

[The Mad Prophet]

No, it's good actually. I can follow along, although some parts are not clear. Hes, is that ment to be his. And did you see some else in the past, or was it the girl now? Just a few thoughts about the piece. Other then that I thought it was well writen, and very detialed. Thank you for the trip, journy of a hunter of men being hunted.