The Great Wall of China

A 55 fiction... a short story challenge my teacher gave me to create a story with a beginning middle and end in 55 words.

The Sun rising on the horizon, my heart pounding, praying a new shift of guards was not yet

patrolling. Scurrying across the crumbling stones I heard the sound of metal scraping metal too late. I turned my head exposing the vulnerable flesh as the blade slashed my throat. By dying, I escape my peasant life.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

sweet flash fict, i saw the blood spray, a good clean wound in our minds.

[BrightEyes]

well I think you met the challenge. I find the locale interesting - of course this does create a myriad of questions - why was he scaling the wall? for one. That is also what makes it a most interesting if short piece.

laura

[No one]

I think you could turn this into something larger. The narrator seemed like a thief scaling the castle walls. There's not really much I can say about plot or character development or dialogue, but I will say that you wrote this well with such few words. It's definitely left open for interpretation. I think you should expound on this brief snapshot and show us more. We want to read more!

All I would say is edit this so the break between lines disappears.

[Dezaraye]

Wow, Brette, this is awesome. I'd definitely say that you rose to the challenge and conquered. It's so descriptive and I really could see it happening.

[William Cuthbert]

I have always enjoyed writing short pieces. I feel that shorter pieces leave a greater impact on the reader than longer, dragged out stories.

To the point: this was a tremendous. As I said before, shorter pieces leave a greater impact on the reader, and this certainly is a good example.

[Robert Luna]

I like. It has been far to long since I have read your words but I ma so glad to see them back again. I think you did a great job working with in the limits but were still able to capture a story that played in our mind as the reader. Always such a pleasure to visit your realm of words and dreams.


Great Job!!!!!

[Amor-de-angel]

I never got such good assignments when I was in school, you did it proud. Nice work

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

for 55 words you did really well. You told a complete story in a few lines. Brilliant!

[Jenny Davis]

Good start, middle and end...55 words agreed with you.

[An owl on the moon]

That was an incredible adventure in 55 words! You're amazing! You really were able to capture a glimpse of history and ancient life so succinctly!