Easier Said Than Done

Easier Said Than Done

A Poem by A Christine
"

September 15, 2009

"
I can't. I can't do this anymore!

I've been corrupted to think I'm better than I am.
This, is as good as it gets for me.
I won't get better, everything is downhill from here.
It's sad really, when a person makes their self happy,
by making others happy.

Their happiness equals your happiness;
Their sadness is your sadness.
Eventually you'll realize you're not doing your job;
letting yourself down.

Causing the ultimate, deliberate, accident.
Something so powerful, it can't be undone.
Feeling the need to inflict pain upon yourself,
because you deserve it!

You don't belong in this "perfect" world;
where being different is wrong, illegal even.
You feel you must punish yourself, time after time,
because someone, somewhere, isn't wearing a smile.
It's like you've aborted the mission that killed everyone,
and you just couldn't live with the guilt.

You either turn yourself in, or inflict pain;
Not being able to look at another person the same again.
Not your friends, spouse, friends, or siblings.

Nothing. Nobody.
It is painful, not being able to keep yourself happy,
all because YOU SCREWED UP!

Just wishing your family cared, made you feel accepted;
Where again, being the Black Sheep is a crime.
Getting that one guy (or gal), to call you back.
But instead, they fall asleep, or get 'caught up' in life.
In your heart, you know you love this person,
and you want to see the world with them.

Keeping them happy keeps you happy;
Even makes you feel like life is worth living.
Yet again, another let down.
They didn't call you back, so you've done, or said something wrong.

AGAIN.

Keeping yourself happy is easier said than done.

© 2023 A Christine


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Added on May 17, 2023
Last Updated on May 17, 2023
Tags: suicidal, mentalhealth

Author

A Christine
A Christine

About
Poet, Screenwriter, book & film reviewer, and mental health advocate. California native with a fernweh spirit but a starving artist pocketbook. Most of my poetry reflects my mental health journey. more..

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