Condemnation of Mr. K

Condemnation of Mr. K

A Story by Philip Choi
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This is a short story I have been working on. Your feedback is VERY appreciated.

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The condemnation from Mr.K

Started writing in Oct.30 2015, ended in Nov.1st

“Did you not know how to wear a condom? Were you that stupid?”

What is this mutiny I am hearing? What kind of obscurity is this? I am mad for this nonsense, but I feel tears trickling down my cheek. The content of the words he speak do not sadden me more than the way he speaks. He is speaking to me as a stranger. His cold and dull eyes make me feel nauseous. I have been sick to my stomach just looking at his eyes, and now the sickness has turned into a deep pang in the heart.

“Do you know how much pain you caused because of this accident?”

“You were not an accident! You were the greatest gift I have ever received.”

“I might have been the greatest gift for you, but coming into existence has been the most dreadful curse to shackle me.”

“Your mom died giving birth to you. She sacrificed herself so that you may have life.”

She could have easily aborted him. I begged her to do so. However, she had such a conviction that she would be killing a precious life. I still begged her, but her decision would not budge. She underwent the surgery to save her unborn child, meanwhile putting her own life. She died during the surgery, but the fetus was miraculously revived. He was a miracle baby, and I had the duty to take care of him. It was her last favour that her child should carry her torch spread its light to many people. She died with a smile because she firmly believed she would see her favour come true in the heaven.

“I didn’t want her to sacrifice herself. She and you chose to do so. I wasn’t involved in the decision and I would have chosen differently if I ever had the chance.”

I am outraged the way he speaks about his mother. But I must repress my anger. He just doesn’t understand life. I know everything would be fine if I talked things over.

“Do you know how much pain I had to bear because of your choice? You had no right to choose.”

“Son….”

“It’s Mr. K for you.”

“You are MY son.” I said with my voice raised.

“It’s Mr. K.”

His tone doesn’t even change. Let alone his tone, his facial expression remains the same. His indifferent and sickening look will not stop staring at me if I were a criminal. I am not talking to the son I knew. I am talking to a demon.

Then my job is to cast the demon out of him.

“Please, I beg you, we must talk.”

“Talking us indeed is doing, which revolt me from toe to my head.”

“Son… “

“It’s Mr. K.”

“Life can be hard. But that doesn’t mean life ever ceases to be a blessing. If we can go through this together, life will reward us.”

“That is your opinion.”

“Look, when your mother died….”

“That’s not my business.”

“When she died, I wanted to die too..”

“I don’t care.”

“But I had you… You kept me going… Losing your mother was like losing this whole world and much more. I cried every day. I drank every day. But I am still alive. And I am here for you, just like you were there for me when I needed you.”

“Here for me? What have you been to me anyway? A military officer? A dictator? You never loved me. You were never there for me. You just cast the grand expectation you and your mother have on me.”

I have to ask myself if I had been too strict on him, Yes, I always expected straight As from him. I always expected him to get into a good university. I always expected him to get a good job. I always expected him to be a great person. That is what I expected from him. That is what my wife expected for him.

Then, he decided that he did not want to go to university. He also decided that he would never get a job. His plan for future? Living as a hippie, or just a homeless man to put it into a realistic term. I was so mad that I chased him out of the house. I yelled at him saying he should never come back and live as a drug-addict beggar unless he changed his mind. He walked away crying.

I felt so bad after that. It was just 4 hours after I chased him out of the house that I brought him back. I kept telling myself that this was just a phase, like adolescence. Thank the lord for I had put a tracking device in his phone.

On our way back home, we did not speak a single word. He was looking outside as if he wanted jump out of the car. That look grew more desperate when we were at the bridge.

After we’ve got home, I called him into my room. I wanted to apologize for what I did.

Now I am here desperately wishing this is just another phase, or a joke.

“Son…..:

“It’s Mr. K.”

“I am not a perfect human being. Yes, I have been too strict you. I am so sorry I chased you out of the house. I am so sorry for everything. Would you be so kind to forgive me for what I did wrong? Can we start over and build our future together?”

“No.”

I tried my best, God knows it and you should know it too. I have not been perfect, but I thought I was doing okay.

No. No. No. No. NO.

His word echoes my mind.

No. No. No. No. NO.

As his word echoes my heart, I am brought to my knee.

My heart is torn apart/ I can barely speak. My son changed so much in last four hours. Maybe this isn’t just a phase. Maybe my son has completely transformed into a demon. I have miserably failed my wife. I am a failure.

No. No. No. No. NO.

It is too early to give up my hope. I shall not lose another heart.

“Son….”

“It’s Mr. K. Your memory must be deteriorating.”

“I am so sorry, but I love you. I love you so much. Everything I did, it all came from love. Yes, my love may not have been expressed maturely when I chased you out of the house, but I still love you. Can we please talk about this? I miss my old son.” I said as I was looking up to him.

“No. Shut up.”

My son is an inch taller than me, but I have never felt that more rigorously than now. Looking up to him on my knee, he is towering. His height seems to reach infinity and more. As his height grows, my strength and height seems to shrink into a singularity.

As my son gets bigger and bigger, I feel like a beggar rather than a father. I am begging my own son. This whole time we “talked”, my son has shown nothing but detachedness and hatred. I feel like I am not his father anymore.

I AM a criminal. I have committed a crime of being a horrible father, and turning his own son into a demon. Now, I just wait for my condemnation. I have tried, and I have failed.

“Mr. K, stand up.”

As I stand up, I feel as if a knot of rope strangles me.

“I am not saying that you did a horrible job. But you have committed a horrible mistake, and that was bringing my consciousness into existence.

“But I never knew….”

 “You should have known better. Hear this story, Mr. K.”

Once upon a time, there was a man who was leading a banal life style. He was living boring but pain-free life. Then, a demon approached and suggested a gamble for him. There were 100 cups with clear solutions. 99 cups contained water. 1 of them contained poison. If the man chose a cup with water and drank it, he would lead a happy life in everlasting paradise. If the man chose a cup with poison, he would regret the very fact that he came into existence.

The farmer took the gamble, and won. He knew he had the probability on his side.

Many years later, the demon came to the man and suggested the same gamble. This time, however, the man would be gambling for a stranger he did not know. He took the gamble because he thought that he had the possibility on his side. But alas, he chose the poisoned cup this time.

Many years later, the stranger happened to walk by the man. The stranger asked why the man gambled and put him in much pain. The man answered that he had the possibility on his side.

However, it is evident that the stranger would have been better off if the man did not gamble. It is also obvious that the man should not have gambled for someone else’s life and force great pain on the stranger.

“It may be genetic. It may be environment. It doesn’t matter. My existence has been nothing but pain, and that is because you had to gamble.”

“Don’t be…”

“Alas, all humans are forced into their consciousness existence. If there were a malevolent, I mean benevolent God; he would have given choices to his sons. But instead, I am chained to the curse of life, the eternal void and nothingness.”

“You have bright future, why do you hate your life so much?”

“There is no brightness. There is nothing. There is no meaning to this existence that I have been forced to endure. Life is like reading a book with gibberish. It has no meaning and no pleasure. For most of my life, I was made to believe that what I did was significant and meaningful. All the trophies I have received, all the awards I have been rewarded, they were supposed to something to be remembered. But nothing will ever be remembered. It is daunting to think that I will work myself to death when my work has no significance whatsoever. That is why I wanted to live as a homeless man. A homeless man does not have a house or work, but has freedom to do what he wants during his time. I want freedom, and I know that work will chain me until death. You made me realize today that I was naïve. This world won’t live me as a homeless man. This world despises beggars. It is better to live a brief lie than to live a long miserable life. Therefore, I decide what I will do today. You see, a broken heart life yours eventually heals, but nothingness of life never disappears.”
“I don’t understand you! What are you even talking about?”

“Of course you don’t understand this. This is not something that can be explained. This can only be experienced.”

After finishing his words, he walks toward the drawer. He then puts the barrel of the gun at my face.

A gun that I bought to protect him will be used to kill me. What an irony.

“Kill me, I deserve it. Father who doesn’t understand his son deserves to die.”

“You don’t deserve death.”

Then he puts his gun in this mouth.

The demon is trying to kill me son. I know I must do something. However, I am so weak that I cannot even move my feet.

Instead, I can only say one, weak pathetic sentence.

“Don’t do it.”

“Dad, your only fault has been that you created me. The rest of it is not you, it’s all me.”

He pulls the trigger. He collapses to the floor. As I see the blood of my son in my clothes, I collapse into my knee once again.

“You see son, a broken heart does heal, but you can’t live if you take your heart away.”

As my tears blend with the blood of my son, I have a good long look at the very object that killed my son.

I put it in my mouth, and I smile as if I am taking a picture.

I know I must smile, because my son was smiling too.

Mr. J reported to the police about the two gun shots in his neighborhood to the police. The police arrived at the house and forcefully open the door. In the house, they found two corpses. Two corpses were identified as Philip K. and Brian K. The case was dismissed as an obvious case of double suicide. There were not many people in their funeral.

It may be comforting to know that the world went on, as if nothing happened.

 

   

© 2015 Philip Choi


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Philip Choi
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Added on November 6, 2015
Last Updated on November 6, 2015
Tags: insignificant, life, meaningless, blood, gun, family, son, dad, suicide, depression, death

Author

Philip Choi
Philip Choi

London, Ontario, Canada



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