Sky on Fire

Decided to give a poem a try just to get something onto my profile. I hate writing poems like this, makes me sound pretentious and stupid and that's not how I mean for my writing to turn out. Written in thirty minutes while I was supposed to be doing an e

        

Set the covered sky on fire

Our fondest hopes and darkest fears

The drooling of the modern prophets

Still ringing in my waiting ears

 

“Bury your deities in the asphalt playground

Trust not the whispers of your human heart

Cast your bones in solid steel

Let us choose the way we start

 

For God is dead, and we,

we killed him

No longer shall we fear the darkness”

Us, the lonely b*****d children

Author's Note

ignore punctuation, if you thought it was awful say so please :)

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

Sound idea pretty well expressed Regular rhyme scheme abandoned in the last stanza
Not quite free form but lacking metre it remains as prose. I think you could rework this into a really first class poece

[Aimee Mahathy]

Huh, this is very good!
The flow and rhyme were very natural (a thing to be admired nowadays). It had a very fantastical yet dark feel to it which I enjoyed~
The only thing I'd suggest would be, maybe alter the ending a bit? It seemed a bit stunted. You really roped me in with the first two stanzas, and in the third one it felt a bit cut-off. Maybe add a little more?
Despite that, this is a very lovely piece of work!

[Vesa Lee]

I don't think it's as bad as all that. *smile*
I actually really like the styling and theme and am left wishing it had been longer.
Very interesting...please share more.