Chapter Two- Anicon

Chapter Two- Anicon

A Chapter by Brittanie Bardwell

Book Series: The Chosen of Hina Book Title: Hina's Tears Chapter: Two

Chapter Two
Seven years later    
“Angel, wake up.”  
Angel slowly opened her eyes and blinked up at the woman  that stood in her doorway.  She yawned and sat up in her bed.  They had just moved to the island of Anicon two days ago from the mainland so her mother could further pursue her dreams of a local flower shop. 
“You shouldn’t sleep in all day.  It’s not good for you.”  Her mother laughed as she tied her auburn hair up into a ponytail.  “You should go explore the island. I wonder how much has changed.” The second comment was more of an afterthought as she put a finger to her chin. 
“That’s a good idea. Let your fourteen-year-old daughter go explore an island by herself.”  Angel yawned and got out of bed. She knew it was a bit harsh, but her nervousness about the new place was still fresh. 
“My daughter is fourteen.  Have you met her?  She’s almost a woman now.”  
Angel raised an eyebrow at her mother and sighed.  “Alright, I get your point.  Now, please, leave my room so I can get dressed.”  
It's okay for mom because she lived on this island most of her life. Mom adopted me on this island, but I don’t remember anything about it. Since we moved here right after my adoption, my whole life has been on the mainland. I wish I could remember my past before I met mom, though. I wonder if my birth parents on here somewhere. 
“Alright, I’m also going to go out.”  Her mom interrupted her thoughts and smiled. “This will be a great chapter in our lives. I know you miss the mainland, but I think you’ll come to love the island as I did as a child.” She added and left.  As the door shut, Angel smiled and pulled off her pajamas.  
Mom worked hard to get her shop opened on the island. It's just us, so I want to work hard to for her. 
She walked over to her closet and pulled out a pink long sleeve shirt with a white and pink skirt.  After getting dressed and putting on white stockings, she went to the bathroom.  Her reflection stared back at her with the same brown eyes as always.  
After brushing her shoulder length brown hair and teeth, she pulled her hair into a beret and gave herself one more check over.  
“I’m ready to take on anything.”  She said to herself, ran downstairs, slipped on her flats, grabbed her bag, and ran out the door.
The weather was beautiful with a chilly breeze in the air.  Angel turned and looked up the street.  Their small house was near the center of the island.  
“Well, I have to start in one direction so let’s go right.”  She began walking past her neighbors’ houses and looking at the different styles and colors. Many of them were blue, green, red, or yellow.  People were already up and doing their daily chores as an older man waved to her as she passed his house.  He was outside working on his small garden as she waved back.  
She got up the hill and caught the ocean breeze smell.  She turned down one street and followed the road with houses to the end.  She ended up on the street with shops on one side and an ocean wall on the other.  The sea was calm and glistened with the morning sun.  Seagulls squawked above her as they flew around in hopes of free food. 
She walked up to the wall, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.   When she opened her eyes, she saw something small and black float past her face.  She turned and saw a large single black feather caught in the wind.  Her feet had moved before she realized it as she chased the feather up the street.  
Finally, after running past multiple blocks, she reached out her hand and grasped the black feather.  
“Got you,”  She smiled as she tried to catch her breath and looked the feather over.  It was larger than a bird feather now that she had it in her hands.  
I can’t believe I just ran through town chasing a feather!  What am I, seven? I hope no one saw me. Where am I?
She glanced up and realized that she was standing in front of the train station.  Few people were walking to and from it this time of day on a Sunday.  Angel, while gripping the feather, walked up to the station and looked at the map.  On the map was a small circle that read “Anicon Academy.”  
That’s the school I start tomorrow.  I don’t suppose it would hurt to check it out before then.  
She went through the gate and walked to the platform.  
I wonder if it cost anything. 
She saw a man waiting and walked over to him. He looked down at her as she approached and she felt her confidence shrink. 
“Excuse me, do you need to pay to ride the train?” she asked.
“No, it’s a community train for the island. Anicon Academy pays for it. Technology enables the train to run without a conductor. It runs on the one line around the island and up to the school.” He replied in an enthusiastic tone. 
“That’s cool,” Angel replied with a shaky laugh. She turned away and waited next to the man for the train in silence.
After waiting a couple of minutes, the train pulled into the station as a woman’s voice rang over the intercom announcing its arrival. The train was very sleek with a chrome body and large windows that filled up the side. Angel stared in awe before hastily getting on behind the man.
She took a seat and sighed.  The doors shut, and the train began to move again.  Looking around the train, she felt lonely since the man had gone further up the train. After a stop, he climbed off with a slight nod. Angel watched as the doors shut and she sat alone. The train moved again at a steady high speed. Angel watched out the window in thought.
I wonder if I can fit in at this school. I’ve never gone to a real school before. I don’t know a thing about making friends or being in a classroom.
The island passed by as the train went over the water to the smaller island where the school came into view.  She saw a massive marble building with multiple buildings surrounding it.  She stared in awe as the train slowed to a stop and pulled into the station at the school.  
She stepped off the train and looked at the marble stairs that led to the main gate.  Slowly, she began to walk up.
I’ll just take a peek then go back to the island.  
As she climbed to the top of the stairs, she realized that a lock kept the gates closed.  She sighed with a frown and looked through the gates. The buildings were majestic up close. There was a massive statue, in front of the main marble building, of a winged male figure. She couldn’t make out the details from the gate, but it was all impressive to her. 
Of course, it's locked.  It’s the weekend.  What student would want to go to school on the weekend?  I should go back to the station.
As the thought crossed her mind, she turned and realized the train had already pulled from the station.  
It could be awhile before it comes back.   
She held her head down as she started back down the stairs slowly. When she reached the station, she took a seat on the bench and sighed again though more heavily.  Her eyes traveled to the feather in her hands.  
Why did I get the sudden urge to catch this? It’s rather silly of me to have run through town for a feather. 
“What do we have here?”  The male voice caused her to jump up from the bench and turn.  Standing on the platform were three guys.
The tallest one had short spiky blond hair.  The boy wore an open black jacket without a shirt underneath it. His jeans tucked into his black boots.  The two boys behind him were shorter but wore similar outfits.  All three boys had dark crimson eyes that made a shiver run down Angel's back.
“Please leave me alone,” Angel mumbled as she pulled the feather closer to her chest.  
“Leave you alone?  Why would someone as cute as you want to be alone?”  The tall boy, who was the leader, asked while the two boys behind him snickered.  
Angel’s heart began to race as she took a step backward.
What do I do?
“So why are you here and so alone?”  He asked taking a step forward.  
“I…” she gulped and glanced over.  Her only escape route was back up the stairs.
I could run, but can I out run them?  I’ll have to try.  
As the leader took another step towards her, she pushed off her left foot, darted past them, and began running up the stairs again.  They shouted something inaudible and started to chase her.  
Her foot slipped close to the main gate, and she fell hard on the stairs.  With a moan, she tried to get back up without releasing the feather, but her heart skipped when she heard the boys’ laughter right above her.  
“Well, that was fun.  Now, it’s my turn.”  He reached forward as she squeezed her eyes shut and thought about what they would do to her.  
“No!”  She screamed.  The word hung in the air for a moment and then went silent.  When she didn’t feel his hands on her, she slowly opened her eyes and looked up.  The blond boy still had his hand reached out, but another boy’s hand had his wrist.  Angel followed the hand up the arm and to the owner.  
The boy who owned the hand was tall as well, but something about him was different than the three boys that tried to attack her.  His eyes were calm and dark, unlike the blond boy whose crimson eyes were wide and glaring at the new arrival.  
The boy saving her had black hair with part of it covering his eyes. Without saying a word, he released the boy’s wrist.  The blond boy jumped back and gulped.  He looked at his two friends and shook his head.  He turned and ran away down the stairs with his two friends following.  
The dark haired boy straightened up and reached out his hand for hers.  She took it slowly and got up.  Now that her heart was calming down, she got a good look at him and noticed how handsome he was.
“T-thank you,” She whispered.  The boy's eyes looked at her without any expression.  He glanced down at the feather still clutched in her hand and back at her face.  Then, he walked past her back towards the station with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 
Angel blinked and followed him back to the station.  The three boys were gone, and Angel looked around in thought as to where they may have gone. Giving up on them, she sighed and took a seat back on the bench.  
I can’t believe all of this just happened!  I was attacked and then saved by some mysterious guy. He didn’t even say one word and chased away those people!  
She glanced over studying him.  He stood against a pillar not even glancing back at her.  
The train came to the station after another twenty minutes.  Angel got on and took a seat.  As the doors shut, she looked up and realized that the boy never left the station.  He was still standing there, hands in his pockets, now watching her while the train pulled out of the station. The wind of the train blew his dark hair and, for a moment, she thought she caught a glimpse of a small smile before he was out of sight.  

© 2017 Brittanie Bardwell

My Review

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A very different chapter! Overall pretty solid. There’s a tour of the new setting, the mysteries of the feather and the dark-haired boy, and the excitement of the near attack.

Like with the previous chapter, this one could benefit from a little more detail. You describe the neighbors’ houses as being “different styles and shapes,” but what are those styles and shapes exactly? When she arrives at the school, the notices that the “buildings were more impressive up close.” How so? What do they look like? I want to be impressed by them, too. A train that runs over water to connect islands sounds awesome. I’d love to hear more about it! Is it like an old-fashioned steam locomotive or more like a modern subway?

This is a little confusing: “Recently, they had moved back to this little island called Anicon. Angel had no memory of living here before, but her mother said they lived here shortly before moving.” I think you just need to play around with the wording. So she was adopted seven years ago, at which point they lived on Anicon, then soon after they moved, and are now moving back?

The interaction with her mother feels a little off, or maybe forced. Angel laughs after her mother leaves, so I think it’s all meant to be playful, but it doesn’t really come off that way, at least to me. Maybe you could spend more time with the two of them and flesh out the conversation more. I imagine Angel’s relationship with her mother is at least somewhat important, so there’s no harm in developing it more.

Chasing after the feather makes Angel sound much younger than fourteen. It’s good that she recognizes how silly it is, but I feel like I need more here, especially since she’ll continue to desperately hang on to it even when she’s in danger.

Is there anyone working the station at the school? (Does she need to buy a ticket to ride it?) I feel like there would be, so the absence of an attendant feels a little contrived for when the boys attack her.

Good entry, though! I’ll keep working my way through the chapters! I’m curious to see where this is going.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 5 Years Ago

Brittanie Bardwell

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the review, and I will work hard to take what you mentioned to heart. I apprec.. read more
Brittanie Bardwell

4 Years Ago

I made a lot of changes to the chapter per your advise and hope that it flows a bit better then befo.. read more
S. von Glaubitz

4 Years Ago

Awesome. The scene with her mom works a lot better now, and even throughout I think you added a litt.. read more

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1 Review
Added on June 8, 2016
Last Updated on July 25, 2017
Tags: Fantasy, Fiction, Young Adult, Demon, Powers, adventure, War


Brittanie Bardwell
Brittanie Bardwell


My name is Brittanie, and I write Modern Fiction Fantasy for Young Adults. I am in the process of finishing book three of my three book series. I am a mother of three girls and live in Northern Virgin.. more..