Another Failed Attempt

Read authors note

"The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night.”
“Sometimes suicide isn't just an action, its a choice in the back of the mind to save themselves from themselves.”



Here I am
Left to strangle
Thoughts inside me
Start to mangle
Idiot mindset
Pills in hand
No one can stop me
This is my final stand
~*~
One at a time
I start to feel at ease
No more suffering
The intoxication
Becoming me
Lost and found
City bound
Colors in my head
~*~
Flashing lights
Suicide the night
Can't let me have
What I went to get
Mistaking dosage
Hoping I was right
Made to fight
Another day of life
~*~
He couldn't let me
Let my life drift from me
Take with it everything
~*~
Woke up today
I hate to say
I hate myself
As much as yesterday
Easily overdosed
Or so mistook
Instead here I am
To face yet another
Failed Attempt.

Author's Note

Last night I sat with a bottle of lithium in hand going through everything that I had gone through these past few months on this site, on facebook, on quizilla and in life. As I started taking them I let the intoxication become part of me. I embraced it for all it was worth. I don't know what had happened whether I had chickened out or passed out before taking the right amount, but I found myself madder at the fact that I was still here and that I had failed to give myself what I truly wanted. There is more to the story than I have let most of you know and for that I am sorry. But don't think for one second that I didn't try to fix the situation. Because I did. I looked for help. I ran to friends but nobody cared enough to listen and if they did they twisted my words and made me out to be somebody completely different than the person that I truly am. So here I am. Sitting here, alone, after another failed attempt.

Reviews

[Spookers]

I have felt that way many times, but it is not going to solve anything.

[∂αʌ<..]

suicide is never the answer...never...dont let suicide be the result of failure! live and make your life a success! your poem is the response of a person whose life is much much more important than death! a heartfelt one!

[Alexis]

I've always hated hearing people talking about, thinking about, or attempting suicide. It's just sad. God tells us that our bodies are temples and that they are not our own. They belong to Him. Any form of self-harm is just wrong and against Him. Don't let suicide be your answer. I know there are people willing to help you, like the person in the last review. I'll even help if that makes a difference. Just don't give up, okay?

[joshua deathdealer]

Hey. I hope that your okay now. The last two of your writes have had me worried about you. Message me okay.

[James Darrow]

Glad you're still here Ella, because it really isn't worth it. Take it from someone who has had a close family member take their own life; it never solves any issues, and only opens some pretty big, deep wounds. I, myself, have no grandmothers among us today: one passed from an illness, and my other took her own life. She thought she was doing it for the right reasons, but it still leaves some big wounds in those that truly remember her, and it leaves us without a family member and friend. Not because of some disease or a drunk driver, but because she made that choice, which in reality, hurts a whole lot more.

If your 'friends' out there didn't try to help you, or in your case, tried to twist around your meaning and harm you, then are they really your friends? If you've come this close, maybe now is exactly the right time to try and reinvent yourself, find a newer and better meaning to be, and surround yourself with those that actually care about you. If you've tried and failed, grant it this is my mindset, I'd say that it might be some kind of sign that there's something worth living for, you just got to find it.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Im glad you are still here with us.
Ending your life is not the answer.