Chapter One - The Night Run In.

Chapter One - The Night Run In.

A Chapter by Bec

Faster, faster, I have to run faster, damned wolves being able to change at will so long as the moon was full! I always have to wait for midnight, it isn’t fair! There’s still three hours before magick hour! ... I thought bitterly to my self as I ran through the deserted city streets. A full pack of angry wolves were hot on my tail, and they’d probably catch me long before midnight. Oh, I’m sorry allow me to introduce myself, my name is Aleca Moonchild, I am a Werecat with a death wish or so I’ve been told on many occasions by my brethren, which would be why they always use me on difficult assignments that they know will piss off the Werewolves. S**t! A dead end! I skidded to a stop at the end of the alleyway.

 
“Cat! You’ve got know where to go, no where to hide, and it’s only nine-thirty.” One of my pursuers taunted as he changed back into human form.
 
“Filthy Mutt, you underestimate me…” I said with a sly smile; however I was hopelessly outnumbered fifteen to one. “What do you want dog?”
 
“Only what you’ve got cat. You stole it from us and we want it back, not to mention a little snack.” The werewolf closest to me snapped his jaws suggestively.
 
“I don’t know what your talking about, dog, I have nothing, I stole nothing, and I am much to gamy for your tastes.” I spat.
 
“The nose doesn’t lie pretty kitty. You got it in your pack, I can smell it.”
 
My pack? I wasn’t even wearing a pack… wait a second, “Tell me dog, how many fingers am I holding up?” I held up my hand with all five fingers outstretched.
 
“What does this have to do with anything?”
 
“Humour me.”
 
“Six?”
 
“I thought so… tell me dog, who put you in charge of this adventure?”
 
“The Alpha of course.” He sneered.
 
“I see, did he tell you which cat you were hunting?”
 
“Yeah, you.” His yellow teeth dripped with drool as he started to transform back into the wolf.
 
Damn it midnight hurry up! I quickly glanced at my loose watch, quarter to ten, Damn it! “Wait, wait, wait! Hold on a sec; let’s not be too hasty on killing the cat now. What would your Alpha say if I could get him back what was stolen from you, given that you tell me what it is?”
 
The wolves stopped advancing on me and most of them looked to the talkative mastermind the alpha left in charge. Since I couldn’t go any where at that moment, they decided to discuss the matter, in a series of grunts, growls and yelps. This took quite some time; dogs overanalyze everything. It was eleven by the time they came up with a question to ask me. The blind genius changed back mostly human to ask it. “The Alpha would want to know what’s in it for you?”
 
I knew he was here. I thought smugly, Just an hour left… “Well let’s see there’s my life but of course, plus… a guarantee that no hound will hound me while I search for the stolen object and a year of free street roaming.”
 
The wolves discussed it again, stopped and started again. They did this at least six more times, but when they finally turned back to me, all they found were my shredded clothes laying on the ground where I had been standing. Midnight had finally come.


© 2009 Bec


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Featured Review

I like this so far. I think that this is a great start to a book. I do, however, have a couple issues with it:

"S**t a dead end!"
There should be some sort of pause here. Maybe a period or a semicolon?

""I don't know what your talking about dog, I have nothing, I stole nothing, and I am much to gamy for your tastes." I spat, and for once I actually hadn't."
Comma after about. The "and for once I actually hadn't" doesn't make sense in this context.

"This took quite some time because dogs overanalyze everything."
I would replace "because" with a period or a semicolon.

It was eleven by the time they came up with a question to ask her.
You were telling the story in the first person. "her" doesn't fit. I believe that the pronoun you're looking for is "me"

Anyway, I really like the way this is starting out. Keep writing.
: )

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

OOOH! I love this! fantastic illustrations, though you might try a little more dialog, it's hard to believe that the "dogs" hemhaw around for that long...or maybe try a little more action-use the time chasing around. when writing fantasy, it does help to make it somewhat believable. But I LOVE this!!! on to the next chapter! keep going! I love it!

Posted 13 Years Ago


I like this so far. I think that this is a great start to a book. I do, however, have a couple issues with it:

"S**t a dead end!"
There should be some sort of pause here. Maybe a period or a semicolon?

""I don't know what your talking about dog, I have nothing, I stole nothing, and I am much to gamy for your tastes." I spat, and for once I actually hadn't."
Comma after about. The "and for once I actually hadn't" doesn't make sense in this context.

"This took quite some time because dogs overanalyze everything."
I would replace "because" with a period or a semicolon.

It was eleven by the time they came up with a question to ask her.
You were telling the story in the first person. "her" doesn't fit. I believe that the pronoun you're looking for is "me"

Anyway, I really like the way this is starting out. Keep writing.
: )

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 6, 2009
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Bec
Bec

Whitby, Canada



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