Shut Up, Just Listen

Shut Up, Just Listen

A Story by Becky Lawrence

Things are going downhill and I hope I hit the bottom soon so I can begin the climb back up.

I don't need your advice. I don't need your judgment. I just want you to listen to what I have to say. Every time I try to sit down and talk to you it becomes a fight. I'm a selfish b***h, I just want attention, I'm a f*****g dumbass.
I'm none of those. I will admit to wanting things for myself, wanting someone to notice what I do, and not making the best decisions. But I don't need you to remind me in such a harsh way. I don't feel so f*****g low that I hurt myself just for attention. I feel this sad because something is wrong. I don't know what, but there has to be a reason.
But you don't want to see that. You don't want to acknowledge that my mind is bad, that it makes me feel so terrible one day but fine the next. You just want to brush it off and pretend it's just a teenager thing. Teenagers don't cry to their art teacher for no reason. Teenagers don't lay awake at night wondering what the f**k they are doing. Teenagers don't suddenly feel like life is perfect after cutting themselves the night before. My head is wrong and you refuse to see it.
People I barely know can see the differences the second they happen, so why can't you? I live in the same house as you, I see you every day. Are you choosing to turn your back to it? That doesn't make it go away. I'm still lost.
I just want you to understand that I'm hurting and I have no idea why. It scares me a lot sometimes. What happens if the happy moods go away and I just get sad? Will you be there then? Probably not, knowing you.
And I've told you so many times how lonely I feel. All you say is of course I feel lonely, I hide in my room all the time. But I've tried to spend time with you. I've tried so hard, trust me, but every time you push me away with insults. How can I not feel lonely in a house where no one cares?
I just want you to notice that I'm not doing this for attention. I can't control feeling sad or overly happy. I don't know when my mood will suddenly change.
But, I guess it doesn't matter that you don't care. I got help. I've got two friends that want to be there, unlike you.
I still want your help though. So please stop pushing me away.

© 2011 Becky Lawrence

Author's Note

Becky Lawrence
it's not meant for people to read, it's meant for me to type out what I think.

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I assuming the character is fighting with the father or mother... o.o?

Posted 10 Years Ago

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Added on April 15, 2011
Last Updated on April 15, 2011


Becky Lawrence
Becky Lawrence

I've been writing since seventh grade. It started as a hobby and became an addiction. I have become an insomniac because of the thoughts and ideas going on in my head. I will read most read request.. more..