Milk

Milk begins replacing other foods.

Gloria opened the fridge, upset to discover that the raspberry gelatin had also turned into milk overnight. "Dad, what's going on with our food? Why is everything turning into milk?"

"Well, Gloria, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, the cows grow angry and begin to revolt because the cows are prejudiced and hateful."

"So the cows have been replacing our food with milk because you and Mom bump uglies at night?"

"Yes. Now be a good girl and go burn down Farmer Green's barn."

Gloria sighed and pulled a torch out of the cupboard. "I'll be back at noon."

---

"...and now thousands of dairy farms are ablaze, the fire spreading to innocent homes and markets. What started as an attempt to claim justice ended with the loss of millions of lives. As I speak, the report center is collapsing in on itself, and soon I will

be engulfed by the hungry flames. Back to you, Janice."

"This just in, the Puppy Bowl happened and it involved a lot of really cute puppies! Back to you, Horace."

Damion managed to pull his eyes away from the television screen just long enough to notice that his house was on fire, too. He had to work tomorrow, though, so he figured he'd let it burn.

---

After a month, few people remained alive and all of them were apathetic sheeple who wanted to know why they weren't getting good cellphone reception.

Thanks to the lack of morals in today's left-wing society, the earth was repopulated in a matter of decades.