TORN

TORN

A Poem by Betty Hermelee
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Dual love

"
One married man’s pith severs
Eyes and desire bestowed on two.
His wife, a previous scullery maid,
his prior lover, a married aristocrat.

His wife suspects trouble, jealousy.
Hearsay soars as he looks smitten with “her.”
By no means does he touch her bodice.
Yet, she bows and he kisses her hand.
Speaks to her in humble tones.

Thus, the lover gently loosens his capture.
She declares her stature,
Implores him to mend his spirit,
no longer shall it be sliced.
The whole belongs to his spouse.
The lover holds true to her dignified married lifestyle.

© 2020 Betty Hermelee


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Featured Review

The narrative flows well here, Betty. Good grammar and syntax serve well. I might have strived for more graphic and dramatic metaphors in areas of smitten hearts and unfulfilled desire, real or imagined. You and I have insightful mind and good grasp of the language. Still, we must remind ourselves that reader excitement comes when we strain the bonds of surly complacency and render a vicariously more exciting window to the moment for the verbal traveler. Keep up the good work.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Lovely, Betty! I like how you build tension in your poetry and bring it to a conclusion that deserves a sigh of elation.

Posted 1 Month Ago


This poem describes a familiar trajectory which I find hard to subscribe to. I know many go this route, but for me, a cheating heart is a deal-breaker that a couple never really comes back from in any kind of a satisfactory way. It's a cleave that continues cleaving, no matter the corrective measures. This poem feels very cerebral to me -- you lay out the facts with an inherent sense of judgment. Most people see things this way, but I feel there could be more of a humanistic way to tell this story, showing that people have weaknesses & make mistakes & destroy unions while pretending to go on untarnished (or whatever). I just don't get the feeling that the storyteller has any compassion for what these real vulnerable hurting people must be going thru. Stories are interesting, but feelings are what draws a reader close. I honestly don't know how any of these people FEEL! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Month Ago


smitten is as smitten does...torn between two lovers....been there done that, and felt this...
there are such good reasons to lean either way...but we are stuck leaning both and falling over ourselves and those to whom we share our affections.
the one lover is almost more a fantasy...neither might make the move, but the chemistry is boiling over.
this worked quite well for me...nicely done
j.

Posted 2 Months Ago


The narrative flows well here, Betty. Good grammar and syntax serve well. I might have strived for more graphic and dramatic metaphors in areas of smitten hearts and unfulfilled desire, real or imagined. You and I have insightful mind and good grasp of the language. Still, we must remind ourselves that reader excitement comes when we strain the bonds of surly complacency and render a vicariously more exciting window to the moment for the verbal traveler. Keep up the good work.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 3, 2020
Last Updated on February 3, 2020

Author

Betty Hermelee
Betty Hermelee

Black Mountain, NC



About
I am an emerging poet; I have written over 250 poems, mostly about slices of life, happy or sad, sometimes tragic. I try to use vivid images in my poetry. I also write about my extensive travel expe.. more..

Writing