UNFORESEEN

two unforeseen moments

UNFORESEEN

 

An unforeseen storm brews

in darkness, pellets of rain

pound the filthy windows

they get wind of it inside

a decrepit smoky bar

men of age booze Southern Comfort

smooth, slick sinks like a malted shake

bartender keeps the pour in action

empty bottles pack the old bin

 

A viscous haze hangs low over the tables

like cumulus clouds touch mountaintops

burnt cigarettes in a plastic ashtray

men cuss inebriated to the core

chatter heightens to a gaudy pitch

stench of whiskey and fumes

cough up mucus and often blood

 

As the bar closes and all settles

just before a purple dawn

drunks stagger back to their wooden cabins

to dry out and snore their sleep

 

As the fog recedes from view

Unforeseen, an illusion of a young woman

in a lace wedding dress

stands alone far beyond the field

a kind breeze strokes her white veil

a tree partially obscures her figure

while a yellow halo spirals around her

without delay, this apparition evaporates

 

Unforeseen, no one, not even the birds awaken

to behold this splendid moment

 

 

 

Reviews

[Dennis Wolf]

I loved the descriptions.
Partly because I've spent more hours than I care to admit in similar surroundings...

The apparition, seemingly unrelated to it all adds a nice touch, it truly was unforseen. But, I have to wonder if she's somehow connected to something described before... Perhaps someone who used to visit that place long ago...

Or perhaps that she was a portent of events yet to come, events that no doubt promise change...

Or finally, if this whole thing is a little bit of exploration of the self.. In a way.

I could certainly appreciate the haunting beauty of this in a painting.

Cheers

[Betty Hermelee]

And you Dennis for stopping but to review my poem….excellent review!
Best, B

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you!🙂

[Dennis Wolf]

You are welcome.

[JessyJacob]

No words. I do read what you make me or drive my mind to read. Is it wrong for that youthless lady to get wedded again? If you say no then she will definitely listen. I know her defensive mood is not on as she old now.

[Ladysue]

Strong awesome descriptions that paint the scene to perfection. Excellently done..

[Chris Shaw]

Fabulous description. You created the ambience of a dive I wouldn’t want to visit. I could smell it from across the pond :) The appearance of a young woman in a wedding dress added some ghostly intrigue. Very nicely conveyed Betty.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you dear Chris, much appreciated!
Best to you, B.

[W. Barrett Munn]

A fascinating read . I particularly was impressed by the first two stanzas.

Winston

[Betty Hermelee]

WOW! What a great review!!!
Many thanks Winston
Best, B

[D. Mansfield]

beautiful writing even of ugly things, thank you for this I loved it.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you for stopping by and reviewing my poem, much appreciated.
Best, B

[Ken Simm.]

A lovely piece of Atmospheric ghostly Americana.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you Ken, much appreciated!
Best, B

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

You paint a vivid evocative picture in this piece of poetry B. Very mysterious and alluring. Especially when describing the bar. You place the reader's imagination into it with such strong description. I'm reminded of one of my favorite recent movies called The Banshees of Inisherin. It is an amazing dark humorous movie with some scenes taking place in an Irish pub back in the early 1900s. Strong writing always seeks to touch upon the reader's senses. Painting images in words so that they resonate with the reader. Sight, sound, feel, and taste help illustrate the writer's viewpoints and messages within the art. You are wonderful at this B.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re an angel and a brilliant critic: but I really don’t deserve it; thank you a million for that amazing review
Best
B.

[Lisasview]

Oh dear Betty how I love this…
So full of life’s precious moments.
Line by line, which moves along effortlessly, you capture thoughts.
Finally after 6 weeks of being sick and not writing I finished my sonnet, Rainbow Ribbons and posted it…
Lisa

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you my dear Lisa; you’re back! I will read your poem in the morning! Your review is excellent!
Best, B

[Lisasview]

You are always welcome.
Lisa

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Betty... there are many splendid moments that slip away during the years.
Many tragedies become Tapestries of memories. Love often appears out of the Blue.
gently, Pat

[Betty Hermelee]

And it did for a few moments, too bad no one saw it but the writer!
Best to you dear Pat;
read moreAnd it did for a few moments, too bad no one saw it but the writer!
Best to you dear Pat;
B.