The vision "Born Again: the bike

The vision "Born Again"

I would wake up and the pain seemingly unbearable
I laid there praying
Praying for my life to end
I felt helpless
Useless

I am no longer felt I was a productive person
I felt I had no value
I would cry into my pillow
Begging God for my death
I won’t kill myself
That is a sin….

I would cry out..To God
" Why can’t you make my heart stop"
“Just let me not wake up”
I would plead

Then the medication begins to do its job
The pain lessons
I can get up
I can watch TV
I can get on the internet
I could chat with my friends
I could play my online games

And if it was a good day
I could clean my house
As long as I did not overdo it
I would have to take breaks
I would get so tired

On a decent day I would go shopping
At the store I would at times use a wheel chair

I felt guilty when I saw them stare
They saw me drive my car
They saw me walk into the store
They will see me walk out to my car

What they did/do not see is
The heaviness I feel in my legs
The swollen feet and legs
They feel like weights
The way my back, neck and ,shoulders hurt
From loading the cart with groceries

The way I would get home lay on the couch and cry
Till the pill takes effect
So I could unload and put the food away
That was the extent of my life

Now….

If it’s a really good day
I work on my motorcycle
Dreaming of the day I will ride again
Once in a while I even take a short spin
Around the neighborhood

You see…
Just when I was feeling useless and helpless
God called me to go into the street/prison ministry
Not just the ministry but the motorcycle street/prison ministry

At 45 years old and disabled
I had not driven a motorcycle in over 23 years
I no longer prayed God take my life
Now my prayer is…
God use my life

I knew we were not supposed to argue with God
But argue I did
“I do not have the health to do this God”
“My legs do not always work”
“I’m tired, I’m in pain”
I could see myself…
Starting out on a good day…
Laying at the side of the road when a episode hit

I had faith.. I knew he could pick me up
He had done so, so many times
But I could still see myself laying at the side of the road
“I know you can pick me up”
I would hear myself saying
“But when Lord”

Another concern was financial

How on earth was I to afford a motorcycle
I am on disability and at times barely meet my bills
This is when he gave me the vision of the bike
She’s not street ready yet 

Still how was I to ride her…
Even if I could afford her
That is when he gave me the vision…
To take a salvage bike and rebuild her
Once ready for the grave 

Now soon to be ready…
To do God’s bidding
The bike will be a prime example of how God…
Can take the old and make it new again
She is to become a trike
Thus no balance problems

The vision…
God showed me a stripped gold wing
Not exactly my dream bike
Over the next few nights…
Little by little in dreams he gave me… “Born Again”

She will be pearl White…
The fairing will have a colored portrait Of Christ..
A crown of thorns adorns his head…
The cross in the background
The right side of the gas tank…
A sunset with a hill with three empty crosses
The left side…
An empty tomb, tombstone rolled away
The top of tank…
Jesus in the clouds arms outstretched
The two wheel covers will have an Angel on each

The trunk filled with..
Christian tract’s, and The Bikers Bibles
With the words…
God is the pilot I am but a mere passenger
Behind her was a homemade camper
Built from a small trailer
Simple but functional

God gave me purpose again
When he gave me the vision for her
I still do not know how
I will afford to get her going, but
One thing he has taught me is
He dose not give a vision with out a way to do it
And sure enough I suddenly came into a lump sum payment of $1500.
Just after the vision I saw what I taught was her on eBay

Just as in the dream… she was stripped
Yet her beauty spoke volumes to me
I saw her as he did as “Born Again”
I placed my bid $1200.
Praying that would be enough
Then realizing if this was “the bike”
The bid would hold

Yet this turned out not to be the one
My bid fell through at the final 6 seconds of the action

I had been in contact with the owners
I had said if this is the bike God intends then the bid will hold
It turned out they were Christians also
They told me they had a just purchased another Gold wing
Saying they felt it was a sounder bike mechanically
And that I could could buy or the same price I had bid

Once they had possession of the bike
And had checked her out to be sure
They called me and put her on eBay
For a the same price as buy it now
She too was stripped
She had been laid down
But ran perfectly

I do not yet know how he will provide…
The money or parts for this endeavor
But I have learned
He will not give me a vision
Without providing the resources to do the job
Maybe I will run into someone with a pearl white gold wing
That is not running that wants a nominal fee

Maybe it will come in the way of donations
Or just maybe I will receive some other settlement I am not expecting as…
I did before
I do not know but that I leave in his hands
The one thing I do know is God will provide
Lol she did not even have a seat when I purchased her
She does now have that thanks to eBay
So it maybe that I buy the parts piece by piece then have her painted

So for now Born Again and I are living on faith