When Heavens Crumble

Responding to devastation

About to rise was her sun
fill her eyes with the bright of a new day
tell her skies last night's dreams
will make her way
in the first world of light.
She had no way of knowing
her sun was about to stumble ~
her heaven was about to crumble.

Now she cries as dawn is won
stilled her eyes with sights to forever stay
welled, as skies caught the screams
where victims lay
on Earth enlightened
where, but hours before, singing.
Her sun's crushed voice a cold mumble ~
her heaven had need to rumble.

Death's surprise she wished to shun
willed her eyes to lite on sad dismay
held her skies to sew the seams
torn in Earth's sway,
Canaan's silver lining
shines on worlds now trembling.
Her sun froze ... anguished flakes tumble,
her heaven's lives in a jumble.

Faith sees sunrise colors stun
till her eyes knew no fright nor disarray
fell on hope's white helmet teams
Syrian's pray
to cast Samael from paradise,
find lost souls surviving.
Her sun heard wrathful Gods grumble ~
her heaven calms ... planets humble.

2023

Author's Note

The morning of the earthquake in Turkey and Syria lightsong and I were chatting. She wrote that they had just had an earthquake. At the time I don't think either one of us realized just how bad it was. I turned on the evening news. I can't describe how helpless I felt knowing my friend was in the middle of that. Fortunately her home withstood the shaking. Just a few days earlier she was telling me she could see Turkey from her roof. The poet in me climbed to her roof and tried to see and feel the devastation through her eyes. 'She' could be anyone in Syria. She could be Syria herself.

This is one of the most complicated poems I've written. Eleven rhymes that advance through the verses. Syllable counts and repeating phrases. What might not be obvious is the fifth line in each verse relates to the 5th Heaven, which is roughly where the earthquake happened. Samael is the angel of death.

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

I'll not talk about the structure too much only to say that I know how hard it is to keep a rhyme scheme going that long! I had to read this one several times to give it the justice it deserves so sorry for the late response. I think you know Ghounwah pretty well so it wouldn't be prudent not to mention her amazing faith... a faith that I could never touch! The way you included the element of faith and the loss of a core sentiment played well within these lines and the biblical references gave just the right amount of hint to this. what I take away from your lines is probably not what you intended and it could very well be my own projection but much Like my poem Aftershock what I feel is a kind of replay that occurs when your ground is shaken by circumstances beyond any modicum of control though the earth no longer quakes and the tremors have ended the fear still lives on and so does the loss of faith or hopefulness this applies to many things not just earthquakes but I reference it as example. A very thoughtful expression you penned here

[William Michael Reeves]

My intention was to see with her eyes. Feel with her heart. An empathetic fit for sure, considering how complicated the poem became. I have a tendency to punish myself like that but the pain creates satisfaction in completion. Faith was an important aspect of this. For a long time now she has taught me through sharing her own faith in poetry and friendship perspective my agnostic mind hadn't considered. In my poem I touched on subjects that created a strong reaction from her. I learned a lot in both writing this one through research, and sharing it which led me to dig deeper and find even more empathy and learning. What more can we ask of poetry? Thanks Robert, it means a lot to me that you really do understand.

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

Your poem was really powerful! The way you described the woman's sun about to rise and fill her eyes with the bright of a new day was so evocative and hopeful. The line about her sun stumbling and her heaven crumbling was especially poignant - it was like you were describing a sense of loss and tragedy. The way you used personification to describe the sun and the woman's heaven was really effective - it was like you were bringing the natural world to life. The ending was especially beautiful - the way you described faith seeing sunrise colors stun till her eyes knew no fright nor disarray was so hopeful and uplifting. Overall, I thought your poem was really well written and thought-provoking.

[William Michael Reeves]

The stumble crumble was hard to maintain but I wanted to stick with that. Thank you Bhuyanshi. I try to lift the subject at the end if I can. Hard to do with a subject so tragic like this. Thank you.

[Miss Sharon]

Beautifully written! I like the end rhymes in the final two lines of each stanza. ~Sharon

[willweb]

Knowing of the earthquake and having read lightning this poem touches me. Beautiful words in an amazing poem

[William Michael Reeves]

Ooooh! I like that! Lightning. I might add enlightened lightning. If you're a fan and friend of hers you should read my 'Ballad For She Who Sings Our Light'. It's on my 3rd page. Thanks will