Tramp

Small town people, small town thinking and how small town talk can destroy a life, and sometimes how fate can improvise in the lives of others.

 

Tramp

 

  When the winds of Fate search the human heart they will have found cause to caress a face, or tousle a lock of blond and unruly hair or simply chase down a child’s balloon from the heights. Seldom do they dare to peek or listen, for the human spirit is such a powerful and hard to look upon thing, yet when they do look they must act, must follow their own basic nature for that is what fate is.

 

 

    See the tall drink of water watching the foot ball game? The one with the ruggedly handsome features sitting on the bleachers under the announcers’ booth. This is Joey Spanner, he has never dealt with fate, he doesn’t believe in it and is of the mind that the world is as you make it. He is powerful across the shoulders, with long lean muscles, a natural athlete whose movements are smooth and graceful.  Yet, he is not a brute, growing to believe true strength comes from the heart and mind not from physical mass. Joey has matured into a fine young man, intelligent, resourceful and cautious. Yet, he is still only eighteen and there are things in this world which only cause and experience can teach a person, even to an intelligent and resourceful boy of eighteen.  And the fates are full of mischief, mirth, and laughter. Nonetheless, peering into the hearts of mortals where the light of the human spirit is brilliant and burdensome to look upon they too can find reason to intervene.

   The town is Raybern, New Mexico.  It is located twelve miles, north east of Roswell, New Mexico. Population, 2201.  It has a park, A library, and a small clinic for dispensing flew shots and Band-Aids. A Tasty Cream, a dry goods store, three bars, and two gas stations.  There is the local restaurant called the Bottomless Lakes Dinner, where most of the locals go to get breakfast in the morning and to catch up on the latest town gossip.   And, there is the football team, the Raybern Raccoons.  Today they are losing against the Tularosa Wild Cats and next week they will lose to the Cloudcroft Bears. As football teams go, they aren’t very good.  However, Joey is a loyal supporter and he sits with his hopes of a victory slowly fading as the home team is relentlessly pushed down the gridiron. 

   Let me pause for a moment and ask that you forgive me if I move too quickly through the lives of those we are about to meet, for the story is short and suffers for time.  It is not meant to be a grand tale of great deeds but simply a story about the Fates and the significance of their actions when they peek into the hearts of mortals.

    For some time now the fates have been riding along on the autumn winds, following along in their mischief as they scurry down the streets doffing men’s hats from their heads and peeking under the ladies dresses. The Fates are searching for a heart, one that is pure and good and honest.  It is not an easy task in such a town as Raybern where the hearts are as cold as the winter winds.  Still, even in Raybern not all hearts are closed or cold. And, as the Fates race up and down the bleachers of the local football stadium on the wings of the winter winds, they brush the face of a boy, pause to caress his mind and heart and know that their search is at an end. This is the boys’ senior year of high school and he is there to cheer the team on to one more defeat.  The winds directed by the Fates scatter his friends to other more exciting and inviting places, leaving the boy there alone to watch the game. Joey has witnessed his friends depart and has bade them fare well, wondering why he has chosen to remain behind when the warm company of his companions would be preferable over the cold windy bleachers.  Even now the weather is turning colder and looking as if it might snow before the game has finished.  He had dressed warm enough but took along his tanned leather, long coat with the sheep skin liner, just in case.  This, and a thermos of hot black coffee for when things really grew bad.    The first time he had taken the thermos to one of the games with him a teacher had asked him for it, uncapped the lid and sniffed.  Made a face and said. “As strong as that is, it might as well be alcohol, nor I am all that positive that it is any less dangerous for you.”   Now, two weeks later it was growing bitterly cold and the game seemed to be dragging on, that same teacher came up to him with a cup.  “You still carry that stuff you call coffee?” As Joey poured out the dark liquid, the teacher studied the Styrofoam cup with skepticism then decided the cup wouldn’t melt. The teacher took a sip made an awful face, then said, “Thanks.  I think.”  He turns to make his way down the bleachers, returning to the bandstand and the real troublemakers, stumbling into a small girl, he announces.  “Look out hot coffee coming through.” The girl ducks out of the way then looks at Joey.  “Do you mind if I sit here?” Joey moves his thermos and coat and makes a place for her. Then says, “All yours.”  There is hesitancy in the girl and she looks around nervously until a gruff voice from behind Joey calls out, “If you are going to sit, then sit.  You make a better door than a window.” She quickly takes the place Joey has made for her, then looks over her shoulder and says, “Sorry.” The gruff voice mellows, “It’s okay.  You may be tiny, but you’re not transparent.”  Later, when Joey looked over at the girl he noticed she was not really armed for the cold, wearing a thin faded yellow cotton dress that stopped just above her knees, and a green, light knit sweater that had seen better days.  A smallish looking girl that seems vulnerable to more than just the cold and wind. Instead of watching the game she keeps searching over the crowd and towards the stadium entrance, finally Joey ask. “Are you waiting for someone?” She made a bitter face, then said, “My brother was supposed to pick me up a half an hour ago.  He told me to wait up here for him so he would know where to find me.  But, he is not always the most reliable person in the world.” As the game neared half time the girl grew colder, forcing her to draw her knees up and wrap her arms around her legs to keep warm.  When Joey happened to look over at her again, which he discovered he was doing more and more all the time as he worried over her condition and her exposure to the cold, he found her color had gone gray and she was shaking uncontrollably. Finally he said, “This is stupid!” Picked up his coat and put it around her shoulders.  The girl jumped, stifling a cry of panic. Then with understanding she said, “That’s okay, I don’t need it.”  Joey’s’ reply was quick and defied argument. “No it’s not okay, and yes you do!  You are freezing and in danger of hypothermia.” The coat was three times too big for her and when she drew her knees in, it covered her completely. He wrapped the coat around her and tucked it in to block out the cold, then put his arm around her, pulling her close to him to share his warmth. She put her face in the crook of his arm to hide from the wind; her arms tucked tightly into her chest, with her fist under her chin.  Normally she would not have submitted to that kind of intimate contact, but the bitter cold had taken away her reserve, forcing her to take refuge where she could find it. Her small body finally stopped shivering against him five minutes before the end of the third quarter. Ten minutes after that she was sound asleep, her head resting on his chest, her breathing slow and deep.  He looked down at her, checking on his newly acquired charge, noticing for the first time the grace of her form and the delicate lines of her face.   How could I not notice how pretty she was?  No, she is not just pretty she is beautiful. He sat there in wonder and amazement, gazing at the small and delicate girl curled tightly against him and couldn’t believe how beautiful she was.  She turned her face closer to him, breathing softly against his chest and reluctantly he pulled the collar up around her face.

  The game finally drew to a sad but inevitable end and when he put his head down next to hers he smelled sunshine and spring rain, then in a soft voice he said,  “Hey, the game is over and we have lost again.” Sleepily she replied, “That’s nice.” then burrowed deeper into his coat. He gathered up his things, then picked the girl up and pulled the coat over her face to protect her from the blustering cold, then carried her down the bleachers.

   Ten minutes later she stirred, sat up and looked around the interior of his car with a bit of a start. They were sitting in the stadium parking lot with the motor idling and the heater blowing on high.  He smiled at her and said, “Hello sleepy head.  Games over, we lost.  Now I should probably take you home.”

Groggy and confused she said. “No I can walk!”  As she reached for the door he said, “You’ll freeze your a*s off out there.”

“I have walked it before and in much colder weather.”

“It’s twenty eight degrees out there, and the snow is starting to come down heavy. Only a jerk would make you walk home in a snow storm.” Then he took a different tact, saying “Look, it isn’t often that I get to do something nice for someone.  And I would feel badly letting you walk home in this mess. So please do this for me and let me drive you home.”  She hesitated watching as a snowflake landed on the windshield, melted and ran down the glass.  The look on her face was one of a trapped animal, wanting to trust him but still afraid to, which caused his heart to ache for her.  Then she asked skeptically, “You are just taking me home?”

“Curb service!”

“But, I don’t know you.”

“I’m Joey Spanner, probably not the nicest person in the world, but not so rotten as to make a girl walk home in a blizzard.”

“Your Carol Spanners son aren’t you? Senator Carol Spanner?”

“Ex Senator, Carol Spanner and you won’t hold that against me will you?”

She studied him for a moment then asked. “You don’t know me do you?”

“No, I just want to make sure you get home safe and that’s all I need to know.  Think how it would look if I let you walk and something happened to you?”  She let her hand drop away from the door handle, then turned in her seat, her beautiful brown eyes full of anxiety.   She studied him for a long moment, her face solemn. “It is hard to say no to you Joey Spanner, did you know that?”  He smiled, then said, “In this situation I hope that is the case.”

“Okay Joey Spanner.  Take me home.”

   The drive was quiet, except for the oldies music playing on the radio and his questions on when and where to turn, and her brief answers.  So it was they went across town, past the park, over the railroad track, down the dark and poorly lit roads of the Sayhey Division, to the gravel drive of a run down trailer court, finally pulling up to one of the better-maintained trailers.  He turned in his seat and said, “Let me get the door for you.” Then got out and went around to her side, opened the door, knelt down in the doorway and said, “Do me one more favor?”  There was trepidation in her beautiful brown eyes, as she asked, “What is it?” trying to keep the wrong she felt out of her voice.   As he reached up to adjust the coat she backed away a bit but did not stop him.  Pulling the collar up around her neck he said.  “Keep the coat. Okay?”  She looked down at the heavy coat and said.  “Oh, I couldn’t, it’s such a nice coat.”  His face grew serious and there was a genuine concern in his voice when he said, “This is just the beginning of winter, from here on out it is just going to get colder.”  Then he paused and said, “I like you, and finding someone to like in this town is not an easy thing to do. A coat is such a simple gift.  So please take it?”  She smiled and said “Thank you. If you ever need it back, just ask.”  He reached in one more time and adjusted the coat, then kissed her on the forehead saying.  “Good night girl.  You have given sunshine to a miserable cold night. To be honest, I hate foot ball games but I would not have missed this one for anything.”  She reached out and hugged him around the neck and said, “Thank you.”  Once more he got the brief sense of sunshine and spring rain before she let go then ran through the snow to her door.  He waited until she had the door open before he started his car and backed out of the driveway.  If he had looked back, he would have seen her waving.

     Later when Joey would think of her, he would remember the poorly clad waif who had sat shivering next to him on a miserable cold evening while watching a High School foot ball game. He would remember the quiet, beautiful brown eyes, the petite manner and warm proximity of her small delicate body to his own.  He would also remember the smell of sunshine and spring rain. Joey had fallen in love, the kind of love that is deep and lasting.  Yet, he was unaware of that love only that something important and vital had came into his life, he could not identify what it was, save that a change had came upon him silently and without his knowledge.

 

  It would be several months before he saw her again, shifting across the school grounds, merely a shadow among the crowd of bright and happy faces that went to and from one class to another.  When he spotted her he asked the boy standing next to him.  “What’s that girls name?  I think I know her but I never got her name.”  When Joey saw the smirk that formed on the boys face and heard the braying laughter, he suddenly knew what was to come out of the boys mouth would be something rotten, maggot filled and hateful. He willed him not to speak but the boy brayed like a jackass, “That’s Eeeeeeeeeeeeeasy Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeazy.  She is a tramp, one of the trailer trash girls from the Sayhey Division.  If you drop a quarter behind her ear her teeth fold back.  All you have to do is breath on that little b***h and she will drop her panties for you.”

  Joey didn’t know why it made him angry but it did. Remembering her sleeping against him while they sat in the cold with the wind blowing through the bleachers, her delicate face pressed next to his chest, breathing softly in her slumber.  She had been so small inside his too big coat and he had carried her across the stadium parking lot like a child that has stayed up to late.  He remembered her running though the snow to the door of her trailer, the sleeves of the too big jacket flapping at the ends of her arms.  And now this moron was disgorging his words like vomits acid, “S**t, W***e, and Trailer trash.” The half-witted grin stretched across his mean, pocked marked face.  All Joey wanted to do was smash that face in and wipe that stupid smirk off forever.  The boy had painted an ugly unflattering picture of her, one that he rejected with every ounce of his being.  Yet he found himself saying, “Really?  I didn’t know that.”  Then he said, “I have to go, talk to you later.” Joey parted the boys company, his heart stinging from the deepest parts of his soul, his anger railing against the harsh words.

   Off and on throughout the rest of the school year Joey would see the girl. Just a mousy little thing, a simple shadow in the crowd, shoulders narrowed, head down, alone and apart from everyone and everything and he would call out to her and wave she would look up and wave back then go on her way.  Often She would look for him in the hallways, and in the school parking lot, she would see him in his car driving down the street or at the mall in Roswell, and she remembered his kindness and how he had made her feel safe and warm.  For Sara, memories like that were few and precious, a memory that she could hold on to, and a place to go when the meanness of those around her, closed in upon her.  She knew it was just a dream, the boy had simply been nice to her and given her a ride home on a cold and snowy night.  But, she couldn’t tell her heart to stop dreaming, nor stop its longing for the boy no matter how many times she told her self it was just a silly dream of a silly girl that lived on the wrong side of the silly tracks.

 

  Here, upon the mantel of adulthood, my innocents have shed away like leaves from a dying tree. Could I serve this order afresh, I would seek to affect that which existed within myself, allowing nature to discover the covenants of the beast. Neither would I chase nor flee, but merely deed its befalling to its own just course.  

 

 When the rumors finally grew large enough her parents ultimately started learning what was being said about their daughter. Despite the number of times that she had came to them and told them of her troubles, and the hurtful things that were being said. They had only heard her anguish, but not the content of that anguish.  Now, her single protest were being drowned out by the numerous sources and factions of the small-minded town in which they lived.  The very next day her father had taken her to the free clinic, a proud man disgraced by his daughters’ shameful actions, red faced and angry, he shoved her through the doors of the clinic with out a word of kindness or understanding.  She was examined by a doctor and then given a birth control shot, which prevented pregnancy for several months at a time.  Once again she had tried to tell her father that the talk was not true, but all he could see or hear, were the voices and the faces of those who had told him otherwise.  He recognized the shame, and the disgrace, but never once his own daughter’s integrity and honesty.   So, she submitted to the humiliating exam and the cold fingers of the doctor as he probed and prodded her where she would rather he didn't.  She accepted the shot without protest and when they left the free clinic she was in tears.  Her father could have cut her heart out and caused her less pain.  To her, her father was the man that had held her hand at the Spring River zoo and put her up on his shoulders so she could see the bears, had tucked her in at night and gave her kisses and told her he loved her. The one person who she trusted and saw as her defender was now cold and inaccessible to her at a time when she needed him the most. So deep was his anger and shame that he would not talk to the doctor that had examined her.  Had he done this much, he would have known of his daughter’s integrity.  And her mother, who had braided her hair and let her take the cookies from the oven, who had taught her to be kind to people and to never judge others, was now silent and fearful.   Perhaps, if what people were saying had any truth to it, she would be happy to be getting the shot but it wasn’t true.  Yet, to the town and to her own parents she was the town s**t, Easy Sleazy, stick a quarter behind her ear and watch her teeth fold back.

 

 

    Winter fell behind and the warm winds of springs thawed the snows upon the ground, the torment of school and school life was finally at an end for Sara, and hopefully the meanness that spawns upon the school grounds would be at an end as well.  As her mother had said, “It was time to put away childish thoughts and childish things.” Now the necessity of finding a job and getting on with her life stretched out before her. It would be then that she would understand the extent of her disillusionment in the eyes of the community. As she went from one place to another applying for a job, she soon discovered that her unearned and unwanted reputation was cast out before her like a plague.   One storeowner ripped up her application in front of her, spit at her feet and then dragged her through the store by one arm, amongst the aghast and sometimes tittering laughter of the customers, as he tossed her out on the street.  “Don’t ever bring your whoring a*s in my establishment again.”   She didn’t cry in front of him, managing to hold back until she was a good block away before the dam broke and her eyes flooded with hot stinging tears.

     By late that afternoon she was tired, hot, disappointed, and totally humiliated. Stopping at the Tasty Cream, she fished around in her pockets and came up with just enough change to buy a small coke. As an after though she asked for a job application, took the coke and the application, sat down at the outside bench and begin to fill it out.  It was probably a waste of time, but at least she could honestly say that she tried to find work.  Looking out to the traffic that traveled in front of the establishment she thought of Joey, the one person in the whole town that had treated her like something other than a two-bit w***e and wondered if he too had heard and believed the stories.  Was Joey lost to her as well?  Then really, was he ever a part of her life? Being nothing more than a nice boy that gave her a ride home.  Yes Sara it is time to put away childish dreams. She let her thoughts and impossible daydreams fall away and went back to her application.

 

Ah the past and those slumbering dragons that haunt our contented dreams.  The spectral ghost from a time gone by.  They spiral around our heads like cadaverous albatrosses while we walk through our days.  Whispering words of false caution, snagging at our worn garments and shouting their silent warnings “Beware the day! Beware the day!”  They slip in and out of our lives plucking up the paving stones that lay at our future.  Those long dead dragons, real to us as any living thing, yet unreachable, indefinable, and inescapable.  Those dragons that perch upon the edge of our dreams, and deny our sleep, pestering us with our past deeds and bade us to do them battle once more.  Regardless the outcome they remain the past, unchangeable, undaunted, and persistent, undiluted by our heroic actions at the edge of reality when dreams and sleep evade us and only regret and false deeds of what could have been lay in tattered ruins upon our feet.  The door to the past is closed to us and can not be reopened and the dragon we seek to slay is long found rest within its grave.

 

  Every spring, Joey’s parents went on vacation, and usually he went with them. However, this year, because of his job at the Construction Company as a draftsman, he had elected to stay behind and keep an eye on his parent’s home while they were away.  He had chosen to stay in the small two-room cottage at the opposite end of the property, not wanting to deal with the daily care of the larger home while his parents were gone.  He would simply move into the cottage and periodically check on the main house.  Plus he liked the cottage.  It was an old adobe structure with thick, white washed walls, recessed windows, polished wood floors, heavy furniture, and ceilings with polished Vegas.  There was a small kitchen with a dining nook, a single bathroom and a combination bedroom living room. The cottage was hidden among a grove of giant Cottonwood trees.  It was quiet, cool and relaxing.  Joey had other motives for wanting to stay in the Cottage, his parents had been recently talking about tearing the old building down, and he hated the ideal.  His mother had originally fought the notion, but his father was rapidly making up his mind that the house was beyond repair and it was time to bring it down.  His father was not one to go into anything quickly or blindly, being an old fighter pilot he was careful to choose his target, but once he made his decision he acted quickly and without hesitation.  So as soon as his parents backed out of the drive and the taillights disappeared down the road, Joey began working on the cottage. First starting with the cracks in the walls and the adobe and stucco fence.  He had already patched all the cracks and filled in the missing stucco. And he would be painting in a couple of days.  The back yard was a mess, and he wasn’t sure how to approach it other than to clear out all of the dead branches and weeds, he would worry about the rest when the time came.  For now he needed to get the big problems fixed if he ever wanted to convince his father that the old house deserved to remain standing. 

Joey usually stopped someplace on his way home and pick up something to eat rather than mess up the kitchen with his cooking.  Today he pulled into the Tasty Cream and went to the window to make his order.  When he looked around he saw Sara sitting on a bench working on an employment application. While he waited for his order, he walked over to where she sat, peeked over her shoulder and noticed that she had a very pretty handwriting and complimented her on it.  She looked up and said, “Oh!  Hi, its you.”

“Yep, its me.” 

He sat down with her and they began to talk for a long time.  As a boy and girl will do when they are attracted to each other, they talked of things and dreams, and wishes and hopes.  Of likes and dislikes, he joked and laughed and she was solemn and quiet even in her speech. When his order came he walked back to their table, sat down again, offered her half, then broke his burger into and gave her the larger of the two pieces.  Sara looked at him incredulously for long moment, then thanked him and ate slowly, although he could tell she was hungry.  Later he gave her his fries, saying he didn’t want them. Which was the truth, he hated fries.  Sara reached for the application and Joey guessed she was ready to move on.  Not willing for the moment to end on such a dry note, he said, “Here, let me take that.”  He picked it up, carried it to the window and handed it to the boy inside.  The boy gave him a knowing wink and set the application to the side, then said.  “Planning on getting lucky tonight?”  Joey looked at the boy with confusion for a moment then a new wave of anger began to settle in.  “Why don’t you just stick to flipping hamburgers and give your mouth a break.”  The boy raised his hands and backed away from the window.  When he returned to the table Sara asked, “What was that about?”  Joey shrugged, “Just instructing someone on how to get his head out of his a*s.”  Her laugh was bitter when she said, “In this town that could be a full time job.”  They talked for a while longer, then with reluctance he said, “I really have to get home but I hate to leave.  I’ve really enjoyed talking to you.” He paused then said, “I know you’re aware of the big house at the end of Maple Street, it’s sort of a landmark.”  She nodded and he continued on, “There’s a small adobe house among a grove of Cottonwood trees at the far end of the lane that runs past the big house.  It’s white with a wide porch.”

 “Yes, I’ve seen the place.  I love it!”

 “I am staying there this summer while my parents are off doing their three month long summer thing.  Anyway, you would make me a happy camper by dropping by for a visit some time.  I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite people over because I’m afraid it will turn into a summer long beer bust, and the last thing I want is to have the place trashed. It’s kind of on its last leg as it is and I really don’t want a bunch of bumble foots making it worse.  But you would be more than a welcome sight.  We could burn things on the stove, or if you don’t trust my cooking we could order pizza or something, maybe watch some movies, talk and get to know each other better . . . .”

“And?”

“And, I don’t know.  All I know is, I would really like to get to know you.”

Sara studied him for a long few seconds, then as if resigned to whatever regret might follow, she said, “Sure, why not?”

Sara knew in her heart that this talk would be forgotten the moment she was out of sight. But, at least Joey was polite and friendly, and she wasn’t about to be rude to the only person who had treated her as if she were a real person in almost two years.

“Reading her thoughts, Joey said, “No, it’s not like that, Sara, I’m serious.  I would love to get to know you better.”

“Okay, I will drop by your place sometime-maybe soon,” 

He studied her for a long moment then asked, “Promise?”

“I said I would, and I keep my word.”  There was something, maybe anger, in her eyes, but there was something else too.  Regretfully, Joey couldn’t read whatever she was concealing from him.  He reached out to touch her hand but she drew it back causing him to ask. “What’s wrong?” 

Sara saw the confusion in his eyes and tried to smile.  “I’m sorry, but it’s been a miserable day.  I’ve been putting in applications all over town, and the most encouraging thing that has happened so far is one old man sat his ashtray on it before squinting at me through a fog of smoke and nodding toward the door before going back to his crossword puzzle.”  This time when Joey reached to take her hand she let him.  “I’m sorry, too Sara.  Summer Jobs never seem to grow on trees in this town.  I didn’t think I was going to get back with the Construction Company in Roswell, but somehow they made a place for me.”  He squeezed her hand, noticing how delicate and perfectly shaped it was.  He turned her hand over in his and said.  “You have beautiful hands.”  She took her hand back, then studied his face.  “You do know who I am don’t you?”

“Sure, your name is Sara.  Sara Martin.”  When she started to say something else he said.  “Look, I really have to go.  But I will be seeing you again.  Right?”

“Yes, I said I would come by your place.  I also said I always keep my word.” 

Joey smiled, then said, “Great.”  Walking back to his car he suddenly looked back and asked, “You do like pizza don’t you?”

“Not really!”

“Rats!  Chinese?”

“Who takes a three month vacation?”

“You can take mom out of the senate but you can’t take the senator out of mom.  It is a working vacation.  Do you like Italian food?”

“Go home Joey Spanner!”

  After Joey drove off, she stood up and stretched.  She had been sitting so long her legs had fallen asleep.  Still, the visit with Joey had lifted a lot of the day’s burden from her tired spirits.  Then she noticed the manager of the Tasty Creme was looking over her application.  The woman looked out the window and saw Sara watching her, picked the application up with the tips of two fingers, carried it over to the trashcan and dropped it in, then went to the sink and washed her hands.  When she turned back to Sara, she smiled sweetly and waved. Sara gave up the day for lost and went home. Now all she wanted to do was take a cold shower and get out of the heat of the day.  When Sara came through the door of her home, her father asked.  “Where the hell have you been?”  Tired, angry and humiliated, she lashed out at him.  “Don’t worry dad.  You have me all pumped up with anti baby juice. There’s no reason for you to get all concerned now is there?  I’m just your s**t daughter coming home from a hard day of whoring.” 

“Sara!”  Her mother gasped, “Since when did you start talking like that?”

“Since no matter what I say or do, it’s never going to be good enough.  Mother, I have never done anything I was ashamed of and nothing to disgrace you or dad.  And, I have always tried to do as you’ve asked.  Then, some nasty mouthed boy with an ego bigger than his pecker tells a lie and suddenly I’m the talk of the town.  Even my own parents don’t believe me.  So you tell me mother, how should I talk?”  She ran down the hall to her room and closed the door behind her.  When her mother came to her door an hour later to let her know supper was ready, Sara said defiantly, “I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat, honey!”

“Mom, the way I am feeling right now, I may never eat again.”

“Please, baby, can we talk?”

“What do we talk about mother?  My virginity, or the boys I am screwing?”  Her mother walked away, tears forming in her eyes.  When she returned to the kitchen, her husband looked up and asked. “She coming to dinner?”

“No, she isn’t.  And I have you to thank for that.”

“How is this my fault?”

“You could have trusted her for one thing!  The girl is a 4.0 student, she is always where she says she will be, always home on time and has never given us a problem or a reason to believe she is anything other than what we raised her to be.”

“And that boy that gave her the coat last Winter?”

“Oh, for God’s sake, he gave her a ride home after our son left her stranded there in a snow storm.  The boy gave her a coat!  That’s all!”

“Is it?  That was Senator Spanners Son. Why, when he could have his pick of any girl in town would he be with Sara unless it was for something else?”

“We don’t know that Henry!”

“Then how come we haven’t seen him since then?”  Martha tossed the casserole dish on the table and said, “Feed your self.”  Then went to the back of the house.  She paused at her daughters door, put her hand against it, then took it away.  My poor sweet baby!  What have we done to you?  I should never have let Henry take you to the free clinic.  But I was afraid, too!  afraid  for your future. So afraid  you might be caught up in a crazy moment of carelessness, that I let my own fear interfere with my common sense.

   Sara lay on her bed and tried to sleep, but the day’s events kept spinning in her head.  All the voices and faces jumbled into a medley of disjointed, abrasive and thoughtless phrases: “Keep your whoring a*s out of my store!”  “I am sorry, but we have no openings for a person with your ---qualifications.”  “Honey I would love to help you out.  Its not like we couldn’t use the extra help, but my boss would have my a*s for breakfast if I hired you.”  “Promise you will come by?”  “You have beautiful hands.”  “S**t, W***e, Tramp, Trailer trash!”  “Hey, Easy, how about you hob my knob!”  “I don’t have any openings . . . but maybe for fifty bucks you could------”

Sara began to cry, “What did I do?  Why is this happening to me?”  Her mother knocked on the door and asked, “Honey are you okay?”  She sat up and wiped her eyes.  “Sure mom, just feeling a bit sorry for my self; I’ll survive!  All I need to do is get a good night’s sleep and I’ll be okay.”  She lay back down, closed her eyes and willed the voices to go away.  At nine thirty she finally got up and put on her cloths, went out on the front stoop and looked up at the stars.   Even the guidance councilor at school had made her feel like a sack of garbage.  “You want to do what?  Collage is out of the question.”  She started to protest and he cut her off.  “First of all you have no funds for collage, and to get a scholarship you have to have someone to sponsor you.”

“Have you looked at my grades?” she asked.  He looked down at her chart and his eyes widened.  She was a 4.0 and had been since her freshman year. All of her senior year classes were collage prep courses.  He flipped through several pages and read the comment, “Great potential!”  “Outstanding work!”  “Some of the best writing I have ever had the privilege of reading.”  “This girl is going places!”  He closed the folder.  Then said, “I have to admit this is outstanding.  But I’m afraid it is never going to happen, so you might as well get over it and get on with your life.  There is no way you are going to get a scholarship.  You just don’t have the qualifications.”

“What does it take then?”  

“It would help if you weren’t such a--controversy“

“I am not.  But that doesn’t mean a thing, does it?  The only truth here is that I come from the wrong side of the tracks.  End of story.”

“You have to understand, Sara, I only have so many scholarships to hand out, and I have to make the best of them.  I can’t be throwing them away on some-”

 “Tramp?” she finished for him.   “The truth is, Sir, I am better than anyone in this school.  I have worked hard for my grades, so I could make something for my self, but that doesn’t matter to you, does it?  All you see is some s**t.”  She stood up and started to leave.  “Young lady sit down!”

“Why?  Are you going to help me?  Can you get me into collage?”  He shook his head slowly.   “Then there is nothing we can discuss is there?  What have you got in that list of qualifications for me?  Dishwasher, Waitress, Call girl?  I’m leaving before I become physically ill and throw up on your desk.”  She opened the door and paused a moment.  Her shoulders slumped as she turned to look at him.  There were tears in her eyes.  It was then that he noticed how beautiful her eyes were.  How incredibly beautiful she was. Why didn’t I notice that?  How could I have missed that?   Sara blinked the tears back and said,  “I know you are limited in what you can do.  It isn’t your fault, it’s just that nobody in this town makes any attempt to get at the truth because it’s just too easy to believe whatever, and react accordingly.  I am sorry I blew up at you.  I’m aware that you-and most of this school’s faculty-have more than just me to worry about.  But at least you were willing to help me find work, and for that I thank you.”  She shut the door and walked down the hall.  If she could have seen through the door, she would have witnessed the guidance councilor opening her folder again.  He studied the folder at length while thinking, Did I really try?  And if I did, why didn’t I know about her grades?  “This isn’t right.  And I’ll be damned if I let this pass without looking into it more closely.  She is right, no one in this school comes close to her academic achievements.  Then he saw her SAT scores 1600.”

 

  Once again Sara looked up at the trillions of stars that spread across the moonless sky, then she pulled in a deep breath of cool night air and said. “It doesn’t matter what I do, or how good I am.  As far as anyone is concerned I’m the town s**t.”  The Guidance Councilor was right, no collage would take her without some kind of financial support. Anything less than a full scholarship and there was no way she could possibly make it.  Not even if she got a job as a waitress to make up the difference.  All that hard work and study, and what for? So she could spend the rest of her life waiting on tables?  She had tried to be the perfect daughter, and what had that earned her? Her own father couldn’t even speak to her.  While other girls were out partying and having a good time, she had been home studying. As far as boys were concerned, she hadn’t had time, not to mention that most of the boys in the town were useless beer drinking, pot smoking morons.  Other than Joey, there wasn’t a boy in town she would even consider talking to, much less date. She was ugly, short, and at a dead end.  She had wasted most of her life chasing a dream that was never going to come true.  Tears had begun to roll down her cheeks without her realizing that she was crying again.  She wiped at them in frustration. Stood up and the urge to scream into the night sky was so powerful that she felt it build in her throat, in her heart and deep in the pit of her stomach.  If I start screaming, I won’t be able to stop!  I’ll just scream until my throat is raw and bloody then the people with the white coats will come to pick me up.  She forced the scream down, but not the frustration she felt, somehow not screaming had made it worse. Why am I wasting my time? What is the use of working your a*s off if nothing can come from it?  So I can be the most educated person in the trailer park? What good is a 4.0 when all I am going to be doing is pushing out babies for some beer belly red neck? I am going no where, I have nothing and little or no prospect of ever becoming anything but what I am.  A poor white girl from the Sayhey Division.  And there is the loneliness!  The growing need to have someone to touch her other than her parents. She had avoided that need for a higher cause, one that would take her to a better job and a better place. And now she wondered why?  Why had she even thought that she could ever become anything other than what she was?  Time to put away childish dreams and childish things!  “Okay no one has to drop a house on me to get the message across. I am Easy.  The town s**t, and if that is what I am supposed to be, isn’t it about time to start acting my part?”  She got up and walked down the gravel road to the entrance/exit gate of the trailer park.  Instead of turning right as she usually did when walking off her frustrations, she turned left and walked toward town.  At this time of night most of the streets were empty except for a few cars out on last minute errands.  She turned left on main, walked past the park and headed up Elm.  She turned on Maple, spotted the big house at the end of the street and stopped under a street lamp. Second thoughts, fear, and a lifetime of doing what was right halted her at the edge of eternity. “Do I really want to do this? And why Joey?” Because he is the only person you ever think about and the only person you want to be with.  That’s why!  And what will he think of me when I come knocking at his door?  More than likely he is going to throw me out before I have a chance to say two words.  Of all the people she didn’t want to make an adverse imprint on, it was Joey.  Because it would break all ties of hope, that’s why!  Once you go there, there is no going back.  And for once I am going to choose! I may never be with him again, but it will be something.  Won’t it? But Joey?  Sweet, kind, beautiful Joey? The thought of seeing the hurt and disappointment in his eyes broke her heart. I can’t, not Joey.  Not anyone! I am not that kind of girl!  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I am not what they want me to be.  This is stupid and I am stupid for thinking that I could do this!  She turned around and started back toward her home.  Thinking, If anything, the walk helped me to shake the frustration and the pent up energy out of my system.

She recognized the Chevy instantly as belonging to Rick Foster, the kind of trouble she had spent most of her life trying to avoid.  If she had been in the Sayhey district, where she knew the area and the quickest place to hide, and where the street lights are only once in a block, and most of them burned out, then she might not have been seen.  But this was the upper section of town, where the street lights are ornamented and with four lamp post in every block, and the city workers were quick to change them when the bulbs went out. The car coasted up to her and Rick leaned out the window. “Well, if it isn’t Easy.  So what are you doing up this end of town?  Looking for a better brand of clientele?”  She shook her head, then in a quiet voice said, “Just out walking trying to get the kinks out of my head.”  When she looked in the car she saw, Mike Hastings, and Leone Reyes were with him.  All bad news, all with police records.  Leone had been in prison for assault and drug dealing.  Leon got out of the car on the passengers’ side and walked around to her left side.  “Hell girl, we got the answer for that.  Just step into our office and we can make all of your worries go away.”  She stepped back and said, “No thanks, I was just going home.”  Rick opened his door and got out on her right side, “What’s your hurry?  Isn’t like any of us have any place to go.  Now is there?  So what you say?  A little fun, a little candy to make the world go away?”  Leone was grinning like a wolf with a cornered rabbit.  He reached down and began to rub his crotch, sucked air between his teeth and rolled his eyes saying, “Baby!  I got what you need right here, and it’s all warmed up and ready to go.” Sara looked at Rick and Leon then saw Mike working his way around Leone trying to get behind her.  She looked at Rick and suddenly became angry.  “There is nothing I want or need from any of you so what ever it is you have in mind you can forget it.  It isn’t going to happen.”  Rick laughed, “Who says we need your permission?  Huh b***h?  Just who the F**K says we need permission?”  She remembered the few times when her older brother had made time for her and his saying, “Never try and kick a dude in the nuts.  Guys know that is a sensitive spot and they look for someone to smash em.  So kick the cracker head in the knee, wait until all his weight is on that foot and kick hard!”  Sara waited and when Rick reached for her all his weight went to his right leg, she kicked as hard as she could.  Her foot connected with his knee and he went down almost instantly.  She didn’t wait to see what kind of damage she had done, she just ran.  “Jesus f*****g Christ! The f*****g b***h broke my leg!  Damn!  Oh f**k that hurts!  Get that w***e and cut her f*****g throat!”  Sara heard footsteps behind her and she doubled her effort, running back the direction she had came, right back to the big house at the end of the street.  When she reached the big house, she ran on to the property and across the grounds.  Leone called to Mike who was slightly ahead of him.  “Hold it!”   Mike skidded to a stop and looked at him. “Ain’t we going after her?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”  Leone pointed to the surveillance cameras.  “That’s why not. How long do you think it would take for them to figure out what happened? Those aren’t rent a cops watching that house.  They are retired Secret Service, FBI and as far as I know CIA agents working as security. Do you really want to get caught raping a girl on the property of a Senator?”  Leone grinned, “For a little bit of fluff, she has some brass to her.  Let her go.  Rick is a jackass anyway.” Sara hid in the shadows of the trees and brush, and waited until she heard the doors of the car close and its tires squeal on the pavement as they drove away.  Ten minutes passed before she came out of the brush, she stood looking first one way and then the other.  Walking at night had never frightened her, for as long as she could remember she had always enjoyed the night and the solitude it provided her, now she looked down Maple street and fear threaded its way through her spine. She looked towards the cottage and found that she was afraid of going there as well, she was trapped, she was afraid of venturing back out onto the roads and afraid of knocking on Joey’s door.   Instinctively she knew that Joey provided protection and a safe place, while the streets were now dangerous.  She was lucky tonight, Rick hadn’t been expecting her to fight back and she caught him off guard.  But, what about the next time or the time after that? She looked down Maple Street, then she looked at the cottage among the cotton wood trees. My decision, my life. If this is what it’s going to be, then at least I am going to have one night that belongs to me! I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring, but tonight I am going where someone at least cares about me. Time to put away silly dreams, and silly thoughts.  “Schools out!”  This is the real world.  And in the real world, the good guys don’t win.  Love and happiness with Joey? What does Joey really want from me? He is a senator’s son, his family is known around the world.  And me?  I am a girl from the Sayhey Division. Come on Sara!  What do you think a boy like that wants? Any attraction you think you see is just a daydream concocted in your own imagination. He doesn’t even know me! He’s just another Rick.  Sure, his approach is a bit subtler, but in the end it is going to be the same. Sara, getting screwed. He doesn’t love you.  He doesn’t even know you--- But I love him!  There!  Now you have admitted it, you love him.  Foolish, unreasonable and childish but true!  I am going to have a million regrets in my life.  But for once I am going where I want to be and stay with someone that I love, even if he doesn’t love me, at least he is nice to me.  She turned and followed the cozy lane to the small adobe cottage nestled among the cottonwood trees. Did I ever have a chance? All my beliefs, all my hopes and aspirations. Where they just so many silly dreams?  Like my dreams of Joey?

 Joey woke up to the knock on his door.  Groggily he turned over to look at the clock.  It was 11:45 PM.  “Who in hell could be out at this time of night?”  He got up put on a robe then walked cautiously to the door.  When he opened it just a crack, Sara pushed past him without saying a word.  “Sara?  Are you okay?  Wha-What’s going on here?  Are you okay?”  She looked around the small kitchen and dining nook, then moved like a Zombie into the living room/bedroom combo.  Joey followed her and caught her by the shoulder.  “Sara?”  She shrugged his hand away and stood there staring at him a long few seconds.  Then as if she had come to some definite conclusion about something, she reached up and unbuttoned the top button on her shirt. As if she were caught up in a trance, she stared unblinking at Joey as she unbuttoned the remainder of buttons on her shirt.  Joey felt a stab of fear pierce the cautious side of his senses.  Something wasn’t right here and he wasn’t sure how to react to whatever it was. He watched in amazement as she unzipped her pants and pushed them down then removed her shirt. “Hold it!” he said sharply. Sara, you have to tell me what’s going on with you.  This is totally freaky and I’m not buying it.  Do you hear me?  So tell me now what’s going on with you.

“Just shut up Joey,” she said stonily as she removed her bra and panties and got into his bed, her back turned to him. Joey stood there confused and getting more worried by the minute, his heart pounding in his throat, his stomach filling with butterflies.  He walked to his bed and cautiously sat down on its edge.  “Sara I-” She turned to look at him then said, “If you say one more word I am leaving.  Do you hear me?”  Her breathing was hard and she was shaking all over.  A thousand warning bells were going off in Joey’s head, but he didn’t know how to respond to them or the flood of other emotions that were overwhelming him now.  He sat there looking at her, trying to figure out what to do, when she said matter-of-factly,  “Are you coming to bed or not, Joey?”  He let his robe slip to the floor and eased himself into his bed.  Sara was still shaking uncontrollably, he knew she was crying.  To make things worse his thinking was clouded by the proximity of her body to his.  Something was bad wrong and he was unsure of how to handle any of this without driving her back into the night.  So he put his arms around her and held her close.  Joey was hurting for her, his emotions stirring in every direction. .  He brushed the hair out of her face, then ran his hand over her arms, rubbing them softly, trying to make the cold go away.  She rolled over to face him.  Her arms pressed tightly between her breast.  In a voice filled with fear she said, “It’s all over for me Joey.  No matter what I do it’s wrong.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.  What is going on?  What has happened?”  She shushed him, then put her finger on his lips and kissed him.  At first he just let her kiss him, then he kissed her back wanted to kiss her.  His hands went around her and he pulled her close to him.  He ran his hand over her back and kneaded the back of her neck.  She was so small and fragile, so delicate, her heart beating so hard that he could feel it through his own chest.  He kissed her cheek and neck and combed his fingers through her hair.  And, she smelled like sunshine and spring rain, her breath sweet and fresh on his tongue.  All he wanted to do was hold her and keep her close to him, but she moved under him, her small perfectly made body pressed against his.  Her skin was warm and soft against his, and her kisses were like springtime.  When she cried out, he paused, but she said in a soft voice, “It’s okay.”  and he continued.  She was so small and delicate, so warm, so vulnerable. Yet she gave herself to him fully. Then it was if they were one person, with one mind, all thoughts of why were gone, she was with him and that was all that mattered, he moved slowly and carefully over her, taking in every aspect of her presence.  Again she cried out, and her body stiffened, her hands pressed hard into his back, then slowly she relaxed and seemed to melt into him.  After a long time they lay in each other’s arms, her head resting on his chest.  He smoothed her hair and caressed her back, and then she was asleep breathing softly against his chest.  The night grew cool so he pulled the covers over her shoulders; she snuggled and then mumbled something to him. He thought he knew what she said but wasn’t sure.  He answered her anyway.

 

 

  The next morning he woke to see her beautiful brown eyes looking into his.  All the worry and stress had gone from them and she looked happy.  “Good morning.” he said smiling.

“Hi.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Better than I have in a long time.”

Sara smiled, pushed herself up from the bed and said, “I guess it is time for me to go home.” then padded across the floor to her cloths.  Panic struck and he jumped out of bed after her.  “Why are you going?”

“You don’t think I can stay here do you?”

“I was hoping . . . .” 

She turned and looked up at him.  “And then what?” she asked.

He didn’t say anything for a while just studied her small, perfectly shaped body then said.  “I am not the most articulate person in the world, and sometimes what’s in my head often gets jumbled when it finally reaches my mouth.  So I may not make a lot of sense here, but I know one thing for sure, if I let you go with out trying to convince you to stay, I am going to regret it the rest of my life.” 

Sara searched his face, then asked, “Why would you want me to stay here with you?”

“Why would I want anything else?”

“There are a lot more popular and, without a doubt, more acceptable girls out there.”

“I don’t think so.  I think the best of lot is standing right in front of me.”

“That is just talk from last night” Joey stood there looking her, his deep blue eyes studying her face, slowly a subtle change came over him. Sara thought that she was really seeing Joey for the first time, his guard had fallen away and he was totally open to her.  Finally he said, “Okay, if you want to know the truth, I am afraid.”

“Of what?”

“That I will never see you again, that if I do see you again that you won’t know me.  That what happened last night would never happen again.  That I won’t see your beautiful face smiling at me in the morning.  That Ill never see those beautiful eyes again.  I am afraid of never hearing your voice, or feel your head lying on my chest.  That I will never again be able to hold you and watch you sleep.  That my heart will break and never mend if you walk away.” 

“Sara shook her head, “You don’t even know me, Joey!”

“I know what you said when you drifted off to sleep last night.” 

Sara looked at him solemnly and knew she had said to him in her sleep what she had been afraid to say or admit while awake.  “It doesn’t matter what I said last night,” she said softly.  “This is today.  And I am wide-awake and thinking, not dreaming. Last night doesn’t matter at all, it was. . .”

“It does to me,” he interrupted.  “How can I let you walk away knowing that you love me?  How can you leave knowing that I love you?”

“It doesn’t ma--No! You can’t love me!”

“I love you.  I think I have loved you from the moment I saw you.” 

Tears began to slide down her cheeks.  He caught one on the tip of his finger.  “It breaks my heart when you cry.  It breaks my heart because you never smile.  You are a beautiful girl, Sara.  And the beauty is not just a physical thing; everything about you is beautiful. 

“But what about the rumors.”

“This town is not the world.  The people here are, and always have been small-minded. I can’t let the people of this town direct my future.  I will not let them dictate to me who I will or will not spend my life with.  You are one-in-a-million, and I will not just let you walk away because a bunch of slow witted slack jaws don’t know how to keep their stupid mouths shut.  If I let you go, I would be worse than they are because I know the truth.  And how could I live with that?  How could I live with knowing I love you, but not enough to support you when you need me most?  Or that I love you, but only enough to sleep with you?  I love you enough to stand by you no matter what.  This will most likely sound completely idiotic, but I love you enough to carry you, bare footed, across a field of broken glass.” 

Sara began to cry openly, hiding her tearstained face against chest.  “I didn’t want to do this to you, Joey.  I didn’t want you to love me.  I loved you and that was enough for me.  I could have been happy knowing that you’re here and alive, and for few moments in my life I was comfortable and completely happy.”

Joey put his arms around her and said softly,  “I can’t force you to stay, Sara.  I wouldn’t even if I could.  Whether or not you stay must be up to you.  All I can do is pray that you will.”   She kissed his chest, then said, “It is hard to say no to you Joey Spanner, did you know that?”  He picked her up and kissed her on the lips, then set her feet back on the floor; holding her tightly he said, “This is a different kind of storm Sara, but it is just as cold and just as dangerous for you. How could I just let you go into it alone?”  She took his face in her hands then pulled him down to her, kissed him and said, “I’ll stay.  If that is what you really want.  I’ll stay.”  He kissed her back then asked, “Is this what you want?”  She smiled, “More than life it self.” He picked her up again and spun her around, when he put her back down he said, “You know what?”

“What?”

“I am starving, totally ravenous.”  She laughed, “Me too, but I am cooking.  You go take a shower.”  She smiled impishly and said, “You stink.”

 He took her by the hand and said, “The shower is big enough for both of us.”   After they showered they ate breakfast and talked about a future together.  Both of them decided they wanted children but not before they graduated collage.  He told her about his dream of becoming a noted architect.  She told him of her dream of becoming a doctor.  And he laughed,  “What is so funny about that?” she asked.

“Some how I can picture you standing on this little stool, up to your elbows in blood and someone’s intestines, a hand reaching out while asking for a scalpel.”

“Wrong kind of doctor!  My dream is to become a “General Practice” Doctor.  You know, family care and all that good stuff.”

“Wow, sounds like you have your life all figured out; that you know exactly what you want to do with it.” 

“True, I would love to be a doctor in this town, and please don’t ask me why. There aren’t enough psychiatrists near here to explain such a warped dream, so we won’t go there.  I’ll just be content with the knowledge that it was my choice long before all this happened.”

“That’s all right with me, but remember, we can go wherever you want to and do whatever will make you happy.  We’re not chained to this town!”

 

  She grew quiet while Joey drove to her home.  “I have never been out all night without my parents knowing where I was. This is not going to go well”

“Once we explain everything we’ll be okay.”

“At one time I would have said yes.  But the way my parents have been acting recently I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” he asked when the Mobile Home Park came into view.

“Yes, very sure.  Now that I know where I stand with you, the only place I want to be is with you.”

“Okay, but remember, whatever happens in there, you know you will always have me.” He paused then said, “That sounded lame.”

She leaned over in the car and kissed him on the cheek,  “I know what you’re saying, and I love you for it.”

When they pulled up to the drive, her father was stacking her personal things by the gate.  When he saw the car he walked up to the passenger’s side and said, “Don’t bother to get out, there is no need.”  Sara looked at him and asked, “What is going on?”  Her father leaned into the car and asked, “Where the hell have you been all night?”  Sara mood suddenly changed, there was a clam in her voice when she said, “I went for a walk to clear my head and I ended up staying with Joey last night.”  Her father straightened up in surprise.  He had expected some kind of denial, but instead she had verified his suspicions. “So everything that has been said is true?” She shook her head, “No, none of it was.  Until last night I have never been with a boy.” 

 “Don’t even bother to lie, I know you’ve been with this . . . .”

“Dad! Did you hear anything I just said to you?”  She shook her head, “No, I guess not, not now, not a year ago when I came to you about the stories that were going around.”  Sara studied her father for a long moment then said, “I have never lied to you, not once. Why would I start now?”  She looked at her things stacked by the gate, “Why would it matter now?”

 

Joey got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side and faced the man.  Her father looked him up and down.  And his image of what the boy was supposed to look like did not compare with the boy standing in front of him.  This boy looked sober, responsible, a contradiction of almost every boy in this town.  Then as if his mouth had a will of its own, he said, “I suppose you are the one that has been f*****g my daughter?”  Joey’s eyes flashed momentarily, her father backed up a step.  “I am going to ignore that, because she is your daughter and I love her very much. I have never fucked your daughter, and I have no intention of ever f*****g your daughter.”  Martha came out of the house and said “Henry! I can not believe you said that.”  Henry looked at Joey, then said, “It’s true though.  Isn’t it?”  Joey wanted to say it wasn’t true, but it was.  How could he defend that? But, he hadn’t “fucked her” the sound of the words brought fresh anger to his voice.  Yet, what came out of his mouth sounded weak and ineffective, “It wasn’t like that?”  Henry spat at the ground then asked, “So you tell me?  What was it like? Did you have fun with my daughter?”  Then Joey found his anger and brought it out. “Fun?  Are you asking me if it was fun watching her fall apart right before my eyes!  Was it fun seeing her hurt so badly and not knowing what I could do to help her?  Fun, knowing that I cared about her so much, and being terrified because I couldn’t understand what was happening to her, and helpless to do anything but love her.  You call that fun?  No, it was anything but fun.”  He stepped closer to the man saying, “We were coming here to tell you that we were going to be married. Sara’s eighteen and she could have done this with out you but she wanted your permission to marry and your blessing as well.  It was something both Sara and I wanted and why we were coming here.”  Martha looked down at Sara’s things stacked by the gate, then at her husband.  “Henry?  What is this?  Did you do this?”  Henry spat, then said, “I won’t have a w***e living in my home.”  Joey fist came up blinding fast, connecting hard with Henrys’ jaw, rocking the man on his heels.  There was surprise on Henrys face and a touch of admiration as well. He could have stuck back and might have, but his own words had slowed him to inaction, Sara called out in a panic, “No please don’t!” She wasn’t sure which one she was talking to, only that she didn’t want to see either of them hurt.  There were tears in the Henrys’ eyes as he said.  “Get her stuff and get the hell out of here.  I don’t have a daughter anymore.”  Martha gave her husband a look that was a combination of hurt and betrayal then said “Henry, If he hadn’t hit you, I think I would have. If ever you deserved to be struck it was now.” then walked to the passengers’ side of the car and opened the door. She leaned into the car and asked, “Is this what you really want, Sara?”  Then she looked at her daughter a long few seconds, finally saying, “Never mind, you don’t have to answer.  I can see it in your eyes.”  She hugged her daughter, then stood up and looked at Joey.  “Young man!  You take care of my daughter, do you hear me!” 

“Yes ma’am.” He picked up a bag and put it in the back of the car, her father picked up another one and handed it to him, then went around to Sara, “Don’t come back here.  There’s nothing here for you but more pain and suffering.”

Sara reached for her father, but he backed up.  Joey finished loading the few things she owned into his car.  Martha gave her husband one of those looks that said.  We are going to have a long talk, then walked around the car and stood in front of Joey. “Henry is a good man.  Please try to understand and not judge him too harshly.” 

Joey Said.  “No Ma’am.”  She reached out and hugged Joey; “I know you and Sara will be okay.  I can feel it in my bones.  I am happy for you.  It’s about time a bit of sunshine has found its way into her life.”

Henry stood back and let Sara say her good byes to her mother, he reached up and touched his jaw, the boy had struck so quick that he never saw it coming.  The blow had not knocked him down but stars flew for several seconds after words.  The blow had rocked him but not as bad as his own words had.  “W***e.”  He had called his daughter a w***e.  His daughter was leaving; he had told her he no longer had a daughter.  But, he did.  He remembered holding her when she had came from the hospital, so small that he could hold her in one hand.  Then as she grew he saw her sprawled on the floor in front of the TV, coloring in a coloring book.  He saw her running up to him with a paper from her first grade class, the paper fluttering in her hand.  He saw the joy and excitement in her eyes as he came home from work her running out to greet him and throwing her arms around his neck.  He remembered her and her mother coming from the kitchen with a fresh baked cake and Sara saying with pride.  “I made it.”  He saw the skinned knees, and cut fingers.  The laughter in her eyes when he did the Gorilla.  The heartbreak and loss when Rascal her dog died.  He also saw the countless times she had refused to lie to him even when it might mean a spanking.  He saw the long hours sitting at the kitchen table pouring over her school books, refusing to go to bed until she was finished.  He saw her small hand in his and the trust in her eyes as she looked up at him. He had just thrown those memories away and a boy was driving away with his daughter.  A good boy, who loved her and would take care of her.  And suddenly he knew it was wrong!  What he did was wrong, and the boy was driving away, and all he wanted to do was go after them and hold his daughter and tell her that he loved her and no matter what she did, it didn’t matter.  Because she was his daughter and he loved her and that was all that counts.  He took several running steps after the car as it drove down the gravel road and called out to Joey.  “You take care of her!  Do you hear me boy!  You take care of my-my baby.”

 

  The car rolled on for a few more feet then suddenly stopped, Sara got out and ran to him.  Henry went down on one knee and held out his arms to his daughter and for a flash of a moment he saw her, as she had been when she was his little girl.  All legs and arms, pig tails trailing behind her as she threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly around his neck.  “I love you daddy.” 

“I love you to baby, so very much.  Can you ever forgive me?”  They held each other for a long time, then he said, “You go with him.  That’s where you belong now.  He is a good boy, a good man and I know he will watch out for you.”  Sara put her hand on his rough cheek and rubbed the bristles in the palm of her hand, a thing she had done for as long as he could remember. Always liking the way the bristles tickled in her hand.  “When we get married will you give me away?”

“With pride baby.  Now you go with him and have a happy life, a wonderful life.  You deserve it.” 

Snick Snack

Click Clack

 

Time is a tapestry, woven by experience and life.  No two tapestries are the same, no to lives are woven exactly as another.  Each unique, each strange and startling in revaluation. Our labor starts when we enter the world and does not end until we exhale our last breath.  The shuttle moves across the loom, snick snack, the jacks rise and fall, click clack, another part of our lives are woven into the fabric of time.  Snick Snack, Click Clack, time goes by, the tempo of the loom gauging the course of our lives. Snick Snack, our friendship woven so tight, the threads colorful and bright, Click Clack, goes the jack.  This is our life when we are young, full of hope and color, fun and laughter. Snick Snack, Click Clack.

 

Snick Snack, Click Clack.  Thread by thread our lives are woven in an intricate pattern, Blues, reds, greens, pinks, violets, and yellows.  All the colors of the rainbow we use, all textures and makes of threads, Incorporating them into our lives to make the tapestry that is our life. Here it is woven tight in desperation, there loosely and carelessly, some frayed and tangled out of fear, or carefully out of concern. Bright threads of friendship, dark black or green threads of hate and envy.  Endlessly the shuttle moves, snick snack, click clack.

 

 

This tapestry is a work in motion, ever changing, never ceasing. Snick Snack, Click Clack.  Don’t pull at the threads, the loose ends, or the frays.  Do not look back, and regret, or forward to things yet woven, keep your eye on the shuttle and your mind on the thread you choose at the moment.  What you have woven is finished and can not be changed, what you will weave is not yet here.  Keep your eye on the shuttle, and your feet firmly on the treadle. Regardless the size of your tapestry, it is the finished work that counts.  It is what you leave behind that others will marvel at.    

 

 

 

 

  If a problem were to come from Joey’s recent living arrangement it would come from his mother.  The woman had plans for him, and it did not involve a wisp of a girl from the Sayhey Division .  When his parents received a phone call in Hawaii telling them their son was shacking up with the town w***e, his mother hit the roof.  She was packing her bags before the phone stopped rattling in its cradle.  Her husband only said, “You do realize that this is our son you are talking about, don’t you?”  She put the suitcase down and said, “And your point, George?”

“When is the last time you saw your son make a mistake in judgment?”

“George, did you hear anything I said?” Carol asked in a frustrated voice. Then continued, “Neil Fredrick is one of my top security personnel and not one to speculate.  If he says our son is shacked up with a w***e, then he is shacked up with a w***e.”

“Granted, that might be the case, but I have to wonder just what kind of w***e she would have to be for our son to become involved with her.”

“I don’t care what type of w***e she is!  A w***e is a w***e. We are going home and we are going now!  And we’ll have this all sorted out in no time, and that little s**t will be out of our house and out of our sons life.”

“Are you sure of that, Carol?   If Joe has found a girl he likes enough to get thoroughly involved with, he must care a lot for her, be she the town’s loveliest Belle, or a ‘Lady of the Evening’.”

“Are you saying you approve of this?”  Asked Carol.

“No, I am saying that we need to find out what’s going on before we alienate our son.”  The steel in George’s voice was evident as he spoke.  “This is way out of character for him, and I have a suspicion that there is more to this story than we can possibly know from a 2800 mile phone call.”

They caught the first flight out of Hawaii back to the mainland. 10 hours after they left Honolulu’s airport they were landing in El Paso Texas.  They drove nonstop for the next 3 hours and were home by 12:30 p.m.  Her husband was bringing in bags when he said; “You might as well get some rest.  Joey won’t be home until 4:00 at the earliest.  So just relax, take a breath, and drink some tea.  You haven’t set still the past thirteen hours-not even when you were sitting.” 

“I can’t rest, not until I find out what is going on; and get rid of that-Creature.”

“Well, could you at least help me get the baggage out of the car?” Her husband hoped that by the time they had everything unpacked and put away she would be worn out enough to settle down a bit.  Instead she paced like a trapped animal, finally saying.  “I’m going over there.”  George sighed, then asked, “And do what?”

“I don’t know!  See what kind of mess they have left behind.  Maybe straighten up a bit.”

 “Joe is a good house keeper, I doubt there will be much cleaning to do.” 

“Still, I would like to see for my self.”

“More than likely all you are going to do is work your self up more than you already are.  Why don’t you just rest for a little while. You are exhausted, and not thinking clearly.”

“ What has gotten into you George?  This is our son and you are acting like it isn’t a big deal.”

“Because dear, I have seen our son handle some very difficult women over the years.  Including you.  Remember Ambassador Kellermans daughter? Or Congressman Kemp wife? He is not stupid, or easily swayed.  Frankly I am kind of curious to see this girl.  She must be something very special."

“George! I can’t believe you!”

“Carol. How many girls over the last couple of years have tried to set their hooks into Joe?  Twenty, thirty? Not one of them had a chance.  Now this girl shows up out of no where and he falls for her.  She has to be something very special indeed.”

“Then why did my top security man call me? If she is so special then he wouldn’t have called.”

“Well, you have been on the phone with him three times now.  What did he have to say?”

“No police record, Her father is a Heavy Equipment operator.  They live in the Sayhey division in a Trailer George!  A Trailer of all things! What kind of girls comes out of the Sayhey division George?  You tell me?  Even if she is a nice girl what can she hope to offer our Joey?”

“Love?”

“Be serious George, you know what I mean.”

“No, I am not all that sure what you do mean.  That people in the Sayhey division are less capable of love, than the rest of us?”

“That is not what I said and you know it!  Most of those people are ignorant, filthy and uneducated.  And I don’t see how she could be any different.”

“So you think that if you go over there, you can take care of this before Joe gets home?”

“I can certainly find out just what kind of girl she is.”

“And if she is everything you feared?”

“ I’ll deal with that when I get to it.”

“I think all you will do is make things worse.”

“How can anything be worse than it already is?”

“Carol, you are tired, you are angry and you are not thinking straight. If you go over there now, all you are going to do is make matters worse.”

“I’m going George! I am tired of arguing about it.”  

“Go then, if you think it will make you feel better.”  George’s voice had gone flat and cool. 

Carol walked out the door more than a bit miffed at her husband’s attitude. “How can he take this so calmly?  Doesn’t he know our sons future is at stake here?”  She walked across the property to the Cottonwood grove angling towards the back of the house.

The Garden

 

 As she approached the cottage she thought about how nice it appeared at a distance, something about the place looked different, still her mind was on other matters so she hadn’t taken a great effort to identify what that difference was. The cottage had always been nice place but over the years it had slowly gone down hill.  The flower garden in the back had died out completely and only the empty planters and pots remained as testament to their existence.  The huge cottonwood in the back yard needed trimming and the flagstone patio needed repair.  The wood floors and cabinets had been neglected and the place had started to smell of dust and mildew that lingered even after it was cleaned.  She had planned on renovating the place when she got back, and George had even talked of tearing the place down.  At first she had fought the notion, still the cottage was getting old and perhaps it was time to bring the place down.  She was at the side of the house when she slowed her pace and begins to look around.  The low stucco and adobe wall that enclosed the back yard had been in poor repair when she last saw it.  It had been cracked in places and some of the stucco had fallen away in sections.  Yet at once, it was clean, white and unbroken.  There had been patches of bare ground and some weeds had started to take up residence at this side of the house.  Now it was lush with grass and stepping stones were laid out up to the newly repaired rod iron gate. Joey! She should have known that Joey would have been working on the old house while they were away, he has always loved this place and the thought of tearing it down had been a sore spot for him.  He had never been afraid of work and he had let his feelings be known about the subject of tearing the cottage down.  So it shouldn’t have been a shock to her, but it was. When she opened the gate it swung outward without the usual protest of rust and iron grating against each other. Then she stepped in to the back yard and paused, looked, looked again, and then just stood there in awe.  She shook her head, closed her eyes then opened them again.  Still, when she looked she saw the same thing.  The hard work of her son was apparent wherever she looked, from the repaired flagstone to the freshly sanded and painted porch swing and railings.  The old cottonwood was free of dead limbs and the yard was lush with newly mown grass, not one bare spot was visible.  These were all the signs of her son’s hard work, of this there was no doubt in her mind.  But the flowers! The explosion of color and variety and the way it seemed to flow around the back yard in a profusion of color and light. Everything was perfect and in balance.  There were blown glass and brass humming bird feeders hanging from the porch and several more in the garden.  Humming birds flitting from one feeder to another performing acrobatic feats as the sun caught on their wings illuminating them in brilliant greens, reds and gold.  Many of the flowers that were planted were the kind that attracted butterflies, and the butterflies had readily accepted the invitation.  Hundreds of butterflies floated, flittered and flew around the flowers, or sat with their wings opening and closing slowly in the warm summer sun.  The perfume of a dozen different flowers assailed her senses and delighting her nose with their fragrance. How long had the yard looked this nice?  Forever?  No, not ever, it had been nice and inviting, but it had never been as beautiful as it looked at this moment.  She shook her head; this was more than Joey’s doing.  He was good with his hands and had an exacting eye for detail, but this required a woman’s touch and a woman’s eye for beauty.  “The Tramp! She was responsible for this.” She didn’t know how she knew it but the notion was unshakable. Then George’s words came back to haunt her. “If Joe is living with a lady of the evening then she must be something special." She shook her head again as if trying to shake the image of the garden out of it, then said “Focus!  Keep your head.  So the girl has an eye for gardening.  Big deal” Yet, the words left a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach even before they were completed.  She opened the back door, still looking over her shoulder in amazement as she walked into the kitchen.  Instead of smelling the years of mold and mildew she had expected to smell, she inhaled the fragrance of baked bread, wood polish and other pleasant odors.  Old lost memories of her childhood days came rushing back to her in an instant, and for a moment she was once more in her grandmothers home, remembering the way she felt when she was small and still full of wonder about the world.  Clean linens, baked bread, and a thousand odors that told of love and living.  Then she saw the dining nook.  Over the years it had aged and developed scars and cracks, the seat covers worn and faded all the signs of long wear and use.  But now it was beautiful, she noticed that the old scars, nicks and reminders of a thousand family dinners were still there.  The wood had been sanded and the cracks filled, but the scars of a lifetime of living and loving still remained.  They had been carefully preserved then varnished over to protect them, the seats re sewn with new bright fabric. No, this wasn’t Joey’s’ handy work. Always a practical person he would have simply sanded it and filled in the scars, then varnished it.  It was the girl again!  The girl had understood the significance of the scars and the history they represented and had taken pains to preserve them, She had brought out the old scars and nicks and given the wood beauty at the same time. Looking around herself Carol realized that the girl had done much the same with everything, instead of simply plastering over and painting out the history of the cottage, she had restored what she found, brought out the original beauty and the memories they represented. She had enhanced their presence, and brought out the life and the history of the old cottage.  She went into the bathroom and stopped at the doorway.  Like the kitchen it was spotless. It looked lovely with just the right touches of color, a beautiful vine that dribbled from a high shelve, and bit of ivory lace at the small window.  She could have gotten down on her hands and knees and checked for dirt, but she suspected she would find none.  She went into the living room/bedroom area.  The room was as neat and as homey as she expected it would be.  The old brass bed was polished and neatly made, her mothers patch work quilt folded carefully over the foot rail.  The quilt had been thread bare and worn, and in places it has begun to tear. Now, as she looked at it closely she found the neat stitch work and careful matching of materials that restored it back to its original beauty.  She ran her hand over the quilt then picked it up.  Within these threads are my mothers hand and that of her mothers.  Now, this child this creature has sewn herself not only into this quilt but into our lives.  Carol held the quilt to her face and breathed in the fragrance of sunshine and spring rain.  What kind of girl is this?  What kind of girl seeks out the beauty in a thing then brings it to life? A w***e? A Harlot? What kind of girl can find and keep the heart of my son, when the daughters of heads of state could not?  A Tramp?  A woman of questionable virtue?  What kind of woman has sewn her self into the heart of my Son?  She folded the quilt across the foot rail of the bed and smoothed it out, tracing the careful stitching with the tip of her finger and asked herself again. What kind of girl is she? This waif, this vagabond of a girl who has woven her self so thoroughly within the cottage and into the very fabric of our lives? Even now Carol could feel the needle prick at her own heart and the pull of the magic string that drew her in. Carol turned to take in the cozy and comfortable living area, then paused.  Is this the needle and thread that has found its way into my sons heart and seeks to find it way into mine? Is this what I have feared and now stand wondering why I harbored such fears? Curled in the overstuffed wing chair, her hands pillowed under her head as she slept soundly. Here was the source of Carols wonder and all of her fears. Such a small thing, yet delicate, and beautiful. Carols heart skipped a beat in her chest, her breath catching in her throat.  She had expected to see a girl with too little clothing and too much makeup, perhaps a bit pretty, but still a tramp.  Now that image shattered as she stood taking in the beautiful creature sleeping in the chair.   She was wearing a pretty cotton dress, its length ending just below her knees.  Her hair was a long and a luxurious brown; her face was that of an angel.  She was so small! And looked as if she could have been made out of crystal.  A fairy tale creature, the girl looked like something right from one of her childhood fairy tale books.  Perhaps it was the cabin and the flowers that had put her in this frame of mind.  Whatever, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had stepped into some other world or some other time.  Nor could she take her eyes off the sleeping girl. Watching the girl sleep, Carol knew the look of love, there was no doubt in her mind that this little thing was deeply and hopelessly in love with her son.  She knelt and placed her hand on the girls’ cheek, stroking it gently.  The girl suddenly opened her eyes; startled she sat up right in the chair. Then as the sleep faded from her eyes she recognized Joey’s mother from the photos in the frame that sat on the fireplace mantel.  She smiled and in a soft and sleepy voice said “Hi. . .

Carol caught her breath, and thought, My God,  those eyes!  Those beautiful brown eyes. It would be so easy to get lost in them. Then she thought. Joey never had a chance. Neither of them had a chance.  Not Joey and not this beautiful creature sitting in front of me. They were lost to each other long before they even knew it themselves.

“Good morning,” Carol said to the now, wide-awake girl.

 “I must have fallen asleep.  Is Joe home?”

“No, he most likely won’t be home for another two hours.  I came over to straighten this place up for him.  Looks as though as if I may have been mistaken, and on more than one topic.  I’m Joey’s mother, Carol Spanner, and you are?”

“I’m Sara Martin, Joe’s fian-Joe’s friend.”

“I thought as much.”  Carol sat on the ottoman and then said, “Did you know that I flew 2800 miles just to meet you?”   Sara rubbed her eyes then said, “Joe said that you were in Hawaii, but we weren’t expecting you back for another month and a half.”  Carol nodded then said, “We weren’t supposed to be back and then just a little over thirteen hours ago while I was sitting on the beach drinking cocktails, I get this phone call from security that my son is shacked up with some girl.” Sara started to say something and Carol placed her hand to Sara’s lips, then continued, “Well of course I hopped the first plane I could find back to the mainland.  Then drove like a mad woman just to get here.  And why?  Because I thought my son was making a mistake.”  Carol smiled and shook her head.  “My son, make a mistake.  Can you believe that?  Me of all people thinking that my son could be mistaken about a girl?  And it wasn’t until just a few minutes ago that I realized that the reason I traveled all this way was so I could meet the girl special enough to capture his heart.” Sara studied her for a moment then asked, “Then you are not angry?”

   “Angry? Child I am furious.  People are calling my future daughter-in-law a tramp and that makes me very angry”

Sara was stunned.  She wasn’t prepared for such abrupt and candid language. Yet, it was the frank talk that caused Sara to open up to this woman who she had only just met. She did begin her explanation of how she ended up in Joey’s life in a calm manner.   But when she realized that Carol had been listening calmly to her explanation without a hint of contempt in her expression, Sara’s hold on a calm and cool demeanor weakened considerably. Carol had listened with an obvious deep interest that Sara had never before experience from any person she had ever spoken with.  Long before Sara had reached the summit of her explanation, and much to her chagrin, a pent-up dam of emotions came pouring out in a confusing jumble of events: .  “Everyone kept calling me such ugly things, and my father took me to the clinic and the doctor hands were cold, and the man at the Dry Goods store tore up my application and called me a w***e, and no one would believe me when I said I didn’t but then we did, and it hurt but Joey was trying to be so careful, and it’s my fault because I needed someone to be with, someone that didn’t hate me, and Joey gave me his coat and he carried me to his car and gave me a ride home, and I loved him for it and I just wanted someone to hold me, and everyone was angry and I didn’t know why!  I tried to do everything right, got good grades and studied hard, I came home on time and did what I was supposed to do, but they just kept saying that I was, I was a s**t.  Easy Sleazy.  And I just wanted to be loved for once, to know someone cared. -Someone that didn’t think I was a w***e and Joey was--was always kind to me and-“ Sara broke down and started crying.  “Its all my fault, I did something wrong but I don’t know what it was that I did and I couldn’t make it better and-” Carol reached out and put her arms around the girl and held her.  She rubbed the girls’ back and held her head against her chest, then said “It’s okay baby.  Everything is okay now.”  She rocked the girl in her arms for a long time while Sara cried out the anguish and loneliness that had built up inside her over the years.  Finally she subsides and looked up at Carol.  “Please don’t hate me? Carol shook her head, then said, “No I don’t hate you.  I would have rather you waited, but I don’t think I could ever be angry with you, or Joey for falling in love with you.  Heck I have only seen you for a couple of minutes and I am already in love with you.”

She brushed the hair out of the girl’s face and said, “You are a wonder!  Did you know that?  A gorgeous, beautiful, marvels wonder!” -----------

 

Here we leave.  Here we let them live their lives and go about their business.  We have ridden along with the Fates upon the wings of the winds and played witness.  Now we must go and let them be.  It was never meant to be a tale of epic proportions, but only a glimpse into the workings of the Fates and how when they look into the hearts of mortals, they too sometimes take measures.  It is never good to look too deep or pry, for the Fates are fickle and like the winds can change from fare to fowl.

 

   Do you ever wonder why they call them dust devils?  Those swirling gust of air, born on the hot desert winds, full of sand, and grit.  Those dancing devils that skip down the streets, peeking under the lady’s skirts and doffing men’s hats from their heads.  They are children of the wind, playful and full of mischief.  Like children in search of adventure, no freshly raked mound can go unmolested from their devilish appetite as they fill their bellies with whirling, brightly colored leaves.

    In the autumn months when the sun gradually moves south for the winter, and young couples seek the comfort of each other’s arms, the children of the wind have grown into adults.  The devils wind no longer playful, becoming towering, ponderously moving titans, slowly traveling across the empty deserts in the fading autumn sun, slowly, somberly, seeking out their winter graves.  In their search for their final resting-place they spread the seeds of spring, and lay behind them the next generation of swirling, mischievous playfulness.  So, if you ever find yourself alone in the winters desert, with the stars of a clear moonless night for company, and the crisp night air nipping at your nose.  Listen.  Listen to the silence, and the stillness of the empty night.  If you are good of hearing, and just at the right place, you just might, just maybe, just possibly, will hear the first beginnings of cheerful laughter deep under the sands, happily chipping away at their shells, waiting for the first warm rays of the sun to set them free.

 

Is there ever really an end?

Tom R.

“Tramp” ©  2005

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

There is one item in this story that eveyone has told me not to do. Regardless I have left it in becasue I feel that is belongs there.