Just for you

I hope you never come to the conclusion that it's me writing this about you.

You always questioned why I was so good to you.

Why would I go through all the hassle to help you?

Nobody else would have gone the extra mile.

You said you weren't that great of a friend.

Well, that's not entirely true.

I'd been going through trying times

Before I met you six months ago.

Six months ago I would never have 

imagined you being one of my closest friends.

I felt so lost and vulnerable.

It was difficult for me to adjust to a new place.

I wasn't much of a talker to make friends in a snap.

But you.

You waltzed up to me out of seemingly nowhere.

You already knew who I was

before you examined my name tag.

You wanted to see the younger sibling

of your best friend in person.

You'd seen me multiple times before

only from a distance, however.

You joked with your best friend

wondering how he'd react 

if you and I ever became more than friends.

That was eight months ago.

You're nearly a decade older than me.

I'm only now entering adulthood,

I assume that's why you kept your distance at first.

You didn't think much of it

when I asked you to be my muse.

I wanted to get to know you 

more than I actually wanted to draw you.

I kept all the photos you sent me.

That was five months ago.

You started the conversation first, of course.

We conversed with each other until exhaustion that first month.

You said we were the same, but from places far away

I was able to make more friends because of you.

I didn't feel so lost and vulnerable.

I felt welcomed somewhere.

I felt bliss for the first time in a long time.

I always hesitated to tell you 

when I accidentally hurt myself.

You'd worry incessantly.

I hated to see your brow furrow with concern

due to my clumsiness.

I take more caution now.

You hardly saw me and asked where I was,

only to be disappointed to hear I wasn't there.

I remember jokingly asking you if you missed me.

You said "I did."

I tried to be as present as I could.

One day you stopped replying to me.

I never knew why.

Maybe I annoyed you.

I'd try to start as many conversations as I could.

It seemed like you didn't care.

Sometimes I'd get a response after midnight.

Sometimes you never responded.

You didn't take notice of me

Not until I stopped giving you the attention I used to give.

You said I'd become a stranger.

I said "you too."

I'd never seen you so stoic until that day.

That was four months ago.

Try as I might,

I couldn't always get you talk.

It was like pulling teeth.

You would always wait for me to text first.

You'd only text first if a week had passed

or if you happened to see me.

No matter the time of day it always brings

a smile to my face to receive a message from you.

Hearing that goofy wind chime ringtone always makes my day.

I can't watch the show I stole the ringtone from in peace.

It hurts to hear that melody and realize it's not you.

Do you get the same way, too?

Does it make your day to see my name flash across the display screen on your phone?

On days where I feel gloomy, I look to the skies.

It reminds me of the calm optimism in your eyes.

Except on the days where you're not you.

It becomes a piercing and dreary hue

on the days where you're distant and blue.

On those days, you muster a smile for me

Nobody else.

I guess you did it because you hate

how I worry about you,

You aren't used to somebody genuinely 

caring for you.

Worrying for you.

Loving you on the days where you can't love yourself.

That's okay, neither am I.

You say you don't deserve it.

You're probably right.

I wonder if you get jealous when I mention 

someone that interests me.

You seem to want to change the subject during those moments.

I listen patiently with your love interests

but that's because I'm infatuated with them as well.

You're a grown adult seeking guidance

from someone whose life just began.

It doesn't mean a thing

when you've made real connection with somebody.

There's an innocence to you that

I'm afraid I'll corrupt.

You're far from pure, but your inquisitive and curious nature

is what urges me to protect you.

To make you happy when you

can't muster a smile for yourself.

I'm so sorry I've been so distant these days.

I become so vile when I'm depressed.

I couldn't forgive myself if I hurt you.

I hope I haven't hurt you with my confinement.

I'd like to imagine you'd try to make me happy

if you saw me in ruin.

Three months ago you would have brushed it off.

Now, you're willing to listen if something bothers me.

You've grown considerably from when I first met you.

You're not so bad after all.

-The Black Temptress

Author's Note

As always, tell me what's on your on mind.