Never Gone Completely

 

I have seen you downtown across city streets,

in cafe corners and comic book stores

and in the hints of a memory.

 No matter what happens I will hold onto this,

when we'd sit and talk for just a few hours

on a bench in a park somewhere.

I will hold on to this even if it turns out

that I never inspired you once.

Our rare moments of time spent together are awkward

 like jagged edged pieces broken off a mosaic

and spread out across our disorganized lives.

 

When we caught a bus ride and I could make you laugh

just by speaking my mind without meaning to.

When you talked with that little sideways smirk

like you were on the edge of something funny

and never let me in on the joke.

If this has meant nothing to you that's just fine,

We were barely friends who barely touched

or in truth, ever talked that much.

But I felt close to you 'cause we were both naturally quiet

and you knew what it meant to be alone and alive like freedom,

 skipping over the things you didn't like.

Whenever you hurt I could feel it.

 

I have seen you between words and in passing shapes,

and more vividly in my fucked up imagination

where I'll admit that we kissed each other a lot.

I own those moments like memories of you.

You will never fully leave my head

though a ghost behind black living room curtains

reminds me that you are your own.

Not mine, nor anyone else's.

 

The world spins.

I can no longer feel you at all

and am lost to an aura of water around me.

It glimmers, inviting me to dive in

to the deep unknown that comes with being a grownup.

I am a lost child and want to go back

to lazy days before the sky opened up

and I didn't have to understand God.

Back to everything you have taught me;

this person I sat next to on a bus one day.

That being lost is much better with two,

 in the midst of an ocean

trying to be ok again,

with an eternity left to figure stuff out.