Diary of a Zombie

If a zombie was intelligent enough to write a diary, what would it say?

October 27, 2007

 

Dear diary,

Goodness, I had the strangest day. Remember how I told you about that poor b*****d who accidentally unleashed a virus on himself, hence turning him and everyone around him into a flesh-crazed beast? Well, turns out his condition was contagious. At least, judging by how his nurse at the hospital reportedly tried to bite an elderly woman coming in for her heart pills. I guess I should have expected this, but you know me, always oblivious until the last minute. 

Anyway, its been a few days since that little incident, and I have got to admit, this brain-eating trend sure did catch on. Seems like everyone is getting sucked in! Get it, sucked in....haha…err, oh, that’s vampires? Never mind then. And yeah, I think I’m becoming one of them now, if I’m not one already. Despite my lack of brain-lust I can hardly tell anymore. I mean, besides the fact that my skin has turned a lovely shade of gray and I can now use my intestines as an escape rope should I get stuck in a burning building (I’m literally sitting here holding them up of the floor as I write this!). 

Funny story about that, too. I just remember walking into Mikes Subs and Salads for a bit of lunch (a whole crowd of ‘em filing by the window as I ordered, dragging pieces of some idiot who tried shooting at them, no less), to order myself a nice Philly-cheese steak. Mike was his normal completely dazed self (sometimes I wondered if he was on a few too many funny pills. They did sell ‘em in the alley behind his shop, no less, but then again, my suspicions were quickly doused by the fact that he makes a damn good sandwich). So yeah, I say “hey Mike, how’s the weather?” and he jumps the counter, immediately taking a bite out of my stomach like I’m a big chunk of chocolate cake. I’m almost sure chocolate cake was a terrible analogy here, but if you think about it, maybe that’s what flesh tastes like to someone who desperately needs it to keep living. You know, something sweet and delicious. I could really go for some chocolate cake now, I think chocolate cake covered in nice fresh human liver and…err…oh yes, where was I? Oh, yeah, MY GOD did that hurt! Anyway, I think I should leave it here for now; a few of them are pretty much busting down my door. I guess they think I’m hiding some tasty human head or something. Anyway catch ya later.

October 28 2007

 

Dear diary,

 Well, a day has passed since I last wrote to you, and my sudden craving for human kidney soup has grown in leaps and bounds. I’m sitting the street right outside my apartment right now with my undead brethren, dying for something to munch on! . . . Unfortunately, since we filled ourselves on most everyone in the nearby area (hence causing them to fill themselves on other random strangers, blah blah blah), food is hard to come by these days. I tried talking to Greg, our leader (and annoying snoopy neighbor in his previous life) about joining up with a group of those odd hippie zombies across town that seem to have taken to eating Chipmunks and insects, but he just grunted. Then again, he always grunts these days like he has something uncomfortable stuck up his barely-there-anymore-a*s, which makes me think being a zombie has just made him a bigger d****e then before. Speaking of Before, I’m sort of wondering what happened to people I knew before. People like my family and friends and my girlfriend, Jessica. God I miss her. She was so tasty looking...Oh, who am I kidding? They are so dead, and I’ve got to run. Apparently the smell of fresh live human hit the air, and everyone’s gone into a bit of a tizzy. Till next time.

October 31, 2007

 

Hey Again diary,

It’s Halloween (practically a zombie Christmas. Do zombies even have Christmas? I wonder what one zombie would give to another? Probably eyeballs…mmm, eyeballs…err...), and I’m feeling miserable. Strangely, I ran into Jessica, my girlfriend, while scrounging around town earlier. This would be better if I hadn’t realized she was alive. Yes, ALIVE. Pshh, she is so out of it. How can she not know that dead is where it’s at, yo? I tried to explain to her that I’m cool, you know, get a little close to her…bring on over to the zombie side (chicks dig dead dudes. look at Dracula, he gets all the ladies! And I made another vampire reference, didn’t I?) but she decided to run away in terror. Man, that was awkward. I don’t know if it was my brains rotting all up in my head, but I really wanted to make things right with her. So I chased her down - which made her ran faster. God, I sound like a stalker saying this. I tried to shout at her, but I guess she wasn’t listening. Or maybe I was talking in grunts and gags. Makes me wish I hadn’t talked so bad about Greg; though he’s still a d****e. 

So yeah, I follow her to the end of the street, and watched her walk into the arms of, of all things, some fancy-pants hero with a really big gun. What a b***h! I just want to rip the brains out of both of them. I’m almost certain Jessie’s would taste like sweet candy. Luckily, my brains are rotting slowly enough for me to understand that big gun = bad. So, I left without anyone noticing me. I’ll get her next time. For now I’ll just hang out in the ruined halls of my former apartment, and hope someone comes along that’s fleshy enough to take my mind off these things, if not, I’ll just literally take my mind off, because I’m almost certain thinking about this is going to kill me. Guess that’s it for today. Happy zombie Christmas.

November 1, 2007

Dear diary,

I SO got my Revenge. Earlier today, Jessica came strolling up the road like the stupid troll she is. I guess she was hungry and thought about checking out if the local grocery store had a snack. She should have had her new boy toy with her, or at least a gun (sheesh!) because I so feasted all on those nice brains of hers. And you know what?

They tasted like freakin' horse dung.

Not that I mind or anything, I really will eat anything to keep myself living, but god, I think there was something missing. You know,  A little thing called knowledge...but who cares? She is so back in my arms again now, and I got me some zombie lovin’! Unfortunately we have a bit of a problem, that’s certainly going to keep us from living (a rather undead) happily ever-after: Her human boyfriend is currently busting down my door in a little revenge fit of his own. I mean, He totally blew Gregg's head off trying to get up the stairs (thank goodness!).

  So yeah, this is pretty much my final entry. Considering that my Intestines have been rotting to the point that they would be useless in my fire-escape plan, I guess I'm forced to leave you all with one final note. I’ll just say, damn, who would have thought it would end like this?

Reviews

[Zahra]

A quite unusual zombie story, well written. Very nice

[Dave C.]

This was a very unique creative zombie story. I enjoy reading atypical stories like this. This one was written very well. Good job. Just a couple of suggestions:

In the 2nd sentence of the 2nd day I think you meant to write "I’m sitting (in) the street right now..." Also, at about the middle of the 1st paragraph of the 3rd day I think you meant to type "bring (her) on over to the zombie side..."

[Jean Tso]

this was a fun read.

[Princess3Morag]

HAHAHAAHA, awesome to see the other point of view for a change :P

[r]

this is a great inspiration for my english project... thanks

[Crimson Rose]

creative

[Cody Wiggins]

That was a really enjoyable story. I love how u meshed words together to make the zombie seem stupid. And the whole zombie christmas thing is really funny to think about. All and All thats probly the best zombie story i've read.

[Claudia]

Hahaha, wow this was so much fun to read!

Amazing, really. ^_^

[DarkAngelWriter]

I'm in love with this. You have no idea. It's amazing :)

[Kevin Andros]

He he!

Very funny and ironic at the same time. I find it very interesting to imagine the life of non-humans. Zombies, as in this case. Nice goric and graphic write over here. Kind of liked it.

~KA~