Yet again an amazing piece of art. I definitely agree with the other reviewers. You have a distinct way of sucking your readers in, making us feel as if we were actually sitting on a picnic bench overlooking our own city, a part of the city you describe.
I have to say, so far this is one of my favourites of yours.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you, once again, TJ. All of your reviews mean a lot to me. I am just really happy to hear that.. read moreThank you, once again, TJ. All of your reviews mean a lot to me. I am just really happy to hear that you enjoy the works.
This one is a simpler piece than I usually write, but when I wrote it, I was having quite the off day, and I put a lot of myself into I think. Perhaps that is why it has such an effect on the reader.
I am glad you have found a favorite among these poems. =P
You mingle and merge the old and new... the warm and cold... the life and death of a city so distinctly... We can see this wild world through your eyes as you drink in every drop of rain.
I am amazed by the wonderful rhyming of this piece.
Each line has two short rhymed sentences and each sentence is rhymed with the next one.
The city has been vividly painted which may also be sung as a melodious song.
This is a very enjoyable read.
Took the first stanza and broke it down to see how it looked like.
I think the readers might the rearrangement too.
It is just my play with the amazing piece.
I congratulate you for presenting the lovely piece.
Added to my reading and favorite list.
100/100
"I sit twenty stories,
above city glories,
on a picnic bench of pine.
I hear all the laughs,
I hear all the cries,
oh what a city of mine."
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I definitely like that structure better. Haha, I have no idea why I hadn't put it like that before! .. read moreI definitely like that structure better. Haha, I have no idea why I hadn't put it like that before! Thank you for the suggestion!
Your compliments to this piece mean a lot to me Zainul. You are a fantastic writer yourself, so it brings great joy to hear that you are enjoying my pieces as I can enjoy yours. Thank you kindly. =]
11 Years Ago
I am very pleased that you liked this structure.
You are a great talented poet and you have de.. read moreI am very pleased that you liked this structure.
You are a great talented poet and you have devoted your precious time to
create such a lovely piece.
You are at liberty to restructure it.
My suggestion is you take more time to rethink if you really want to restructure it.
Thanks for enjoying my writes as I enjoy yours =]
"It feels every tear in its old concrete hair, and it bravely boasts of its scars.
And though it runs wild, its eyes shine with guile, this city of mine in the stars.
So I set my head down, on this old bench of brown, and I feel the cold winter rain.
I start to drift off, and with a shrill cough, I am one with the city again."~ This is a wistful expression of your city.
I love your expression of becoming one...the heart beats for home...in all its flaws, it is still your home.
Great write!
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks Robbie! I am really glad that you enjoyed the piece. It is by no means a lengthy or detailed .. read moreThanks Robbie! I am really glad that you enjoyed the piece. It is by no means a lengthy or detailed one, but I really enjoyed writing it.
It means a lot from a writer such as yourself. =]
Great imagery in the third stanza...so much so, I'll ignore the useless apostrophe in the second line *laugh* You've got a pretty intense relationship with your city going on here, and the writing reflects that, Joshua. Very well done.
-kimmer
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you very much for the comment! I am glad you liked it!
I promptly placed my palm to my f.. read moreThank you very much for the comment! I am glad you liked it!
I promptly placed my palm to my face when I realized that apostrophe was there. Good lord. Thank you for alerting me to it before too many others saw. Haha.