The Forbidden Melody

A short story that I made up when I was bored one night. Not a lot of thought went into it, I pretty much just wrote down what came to mind as I typed it haha.

The early morning sky shimmered in the feeble light of the rising sun, like a woman rousing from sleep, unsure whether to wake up and start her day, or roll back over and pull the covers over her head. The sun persisted, pushing its light further into the dark expanse, until the sky opened its clear blue eyes, sending its gaze down upon the world below. Small puffs of clouds drifted lazily across the sky, in no hurry to be anywhere, merely traveling on the whim of the breathe of the gods, happily following each other to some unknown destination. Morning stars twinkled in the twilight, slowly winking out one by one as the sunlight made its inexorable advance from the horizon. The sounds of birds and insects increased as the denizens of the world awoke, the natural alarm clock ringing for all the world to hear. Yet again, a blessed new day arrived on the Star known as Prius.

Curled around a large biwa underneath a nameless tree in a nameless park, a young girl snored peacefully.... and loudly. Passerby's greeted each other with a small nod and a smile, glancing warily at the young minstrel so oblivious to her own state of disarray. Her legs were splayed over the ground, her head resting on the biwa, a bit of drool spilling from the corner of her mouth. A large bottle of some unknown substance lay on the ground beside her, obviously empty. Several young men stopped to admire her splayed legs, bare except for a small skirt that was doing nothing to hide her smooth skin and tasteful undergarments. Just as one adventurous youth reached forward to see if he could shift her skirt and get a better view, a large woman holding a bucket appeared between his target and him, stopping him cold in his tracks.

Looking up, the youth noticed the local innkeeper's wife, her legs as thick as a trees trunk, and her face set in a snarl and her hands perched on her hips. The large bucket of water may as well have been a feather in her thick hands, her palms white with the force she was putting on the poor buckets metal handle. The metal groaned quietly the longer the boy sat there, waiting for his friends to speak up for him. Looking around, he saw the last of them spin around the corner, running for dear life, abandoning their friend to his demise. The boy felt his soul shrink in on himself as he met the woman's gaze, her expression thunderous. The boy smiled sheepishly at her, the way a mouse would stare up at a hungry tomcat, knowing that it would soon be dinner.

"I was just..." he started to say, not seeing the woman's large burly hand coming at the side of his head. Stars suddenly exploded in his vision, and a large ringing came from his left ear as the woman cuffed him sharply. His body snapped sideways at the force of the cuff, his vision going instantly dark. Several of the passerby's snickered quietly to themselves, quieting after the woman turned her thunderous gaze to them, and hurried on their way.

"Honestly, boys these days," she mumbled to herself, turning to the oblivious girl on the ground. The girl was grinning quietly in her sleep, chuckling softly and stroking the Biwa like some long lost lover. With a snort, the woman pulled the biwa to the side and called out to the girl. "Sheilah! You wake up right this instant! How many times have I told you not to drink after shows this much? A young maiden like you will ruin her skin this way! Honestly, I don't know why Hooul blessed such a slovenly person as yourself with such beauty, but you should take better care of yourself..." The woman stopped suddenly as the girl snorted loudly, and pulled her cloak over her head, scratching her butt and resuming her snoring. The older woman's face slowly started turning red with anger, like a volcano preparing to erupt, and she tossed the large bucket of ice cold water directly at the sleeping girl. With a splash and a loud gasp, the girl sat up abruptly, the cloak still hanging from her head.

"What the hell!" a lilting soprano screamed unladylike from underneath the cloak. Her hands floundered around, and the girl fell to the side, kicking and grasping at empty air. "Scoundrels! How dare you blind me and try to drown me! I'll rip your eyes out and shove em straight up your bum!" she yelled. Several passerbys had stopped and started to stare openly at this point, waiting for the scene to unfold. Most had seen this scene before, as it was starting to become a daily occurrence after the minstrel started working the local inn. Her hands collided with the bottle, and she grasped it, shaking it around. "My wine! No how could you, you stole my only joy in this world!" she cried, falling forwards, her hands coming to rest on the innkeeper wife's large legs.

Feeling around, the girl slowly made her way up the woman's bare legs, coming to her knees and stopping. "Ah! So I see the local Blacksmith is to blame! You really should shave your legs sir, this is like a jungle..." the girl started, before the innkeeper's wife rapped her sharply in the head with her fist, her face blushing crimson with embarrassment instead of rage now. The girl yelped sharply, sheepishly taking off the cloak from her head. The golden sunlight glinted softly from the dew on the girls hair, making it sparkle like some rare gem. As the cloak slipped off and slid to the ground, the few people who had never seen her before could be heard from the crowd as their breath caught in their throat. Her skin was smooth and fine, lightly tanned from the sun. Her hair fell around her shoulders and down her back, bouncing lightly as it rested there. Silky and smooth, her hair shined brightly, its blond hue rivaling even the sun in brightness. Her hair hung lightly around her face, the edges curling lightly upwards, no trace of bedhead to be found even after sleeping on the cold hard ground all night. Her neck was slim and worked its way up to a face that could only be summed up as angelic. The girl's lips were full, red,  and inviting, her nose strong and pronounced, but not in the nobleman way. More like a middle-class commoner, humble, yet sure of itself. The lookers breath caught once more when they got to her eyes, as they were large sparkling pools of ocean blue, like the sparkling waters of some undisturbed and uncharted island in the tropical ocean. Her full mouth was curved in an impish smile as the girl stood up unsteadily, curtsying to the innkeeper's wife.

"My apologies, m'lady," she said, holding an imaginary dress out to her sides. putting her arms back to her sides, she straightened her sleeveless shirt out, making sure it covered everything appropriate, and tugged her skirt down a little, pulling it to a more modest position. "Better?" she said with raised eyebrows and her hands out to the side, twirling lightly with a little jig, all the while looking at the older woman. The innkeeper's wife merely snorted, pointing her thumb at the crate behind her, where the minstrel's biwa lay quietly. A small girl stood nearby the crate, her hands clasped behind her, her stance militaristic, her gaze burning a hole in the minstrel's face. Most of the passerbys moved on with their daily lives, except for a few young men standing around glancing nervously at the minstrel, trying to work up the courage to speak with her. Laughing confidently, the girl tugged down the front of her button up shirt slightly, fanning herself with one hand and flipping her hair over her shoulder with the other. "Don't you boys think its... hot out here this morning?" she said breathlessly, pheromones oozing from her voice.

The boys snapped their jaws closed and quickly turned away, their faces crimson as they resumed their work. "Cowards," she muttered to herself, reaching for her biwa. Noticing the small girl standing in front of her instrument, she stopped and stared at her for a second before moving to go around her. The young girl moved with her, blocking her path. "Look now, I don't have time to play with little girls, I need to be at the next town by nightfall so I can get a job..." she began, before the girl cut her off.

"Trash." The girls voice was like the twinkling of bells at morning service, ringing quietly in the minstrel's ears. The minstrel stopped dead in her tracks staring down at the girl and crossed her arms. "Excuse me?" she said, anger clipping her words.

"Oh I'm sorry, let me explain it so lowborn trash like you can understand," the girl said snippily, crossing her arms as well. "You are human excrement, the lowest of the low, you are lower than the dirt that soils the bottom of my shoes. Just seeing your pitiful face makes me wonder how the human gene pool could have vomited out something as useless as your pitiful existence."

The minstrel stood stunned, her mouth slack as she stared at the miniature sailor trapped in an innocent girls body. "Wha... but.. you... huh?" she stammered, not knowing what to say. The little girl shook her head, grabbing the girls biwa by its thick neck and lifting it like a toothpick, even though it was practically as big as her. She shoved it into the minstrel's hands and started walking down the only road out of town, stopping a few steps away and turning around. "My name is Hannah. Your name is Sheilah. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, can we get going? Or do you plan to stand there all day catching flies for dinner instead of using your horrible singing to bribe a tone deaf innkeeper to feed you? You might be more successful with the latter."

Sheilah shook her head and glanced down at the girl warily, merely shaking her head and walking down the road, slinging the biwa onto her back with a practiced air. "Onward then."

Hannah watched Sheilah's back as she walked by, and a smile crept onto her face before she wiped it off and became neutral once more. "Hmph," the girl snorted, rushing to keep up with the taller woman's long gait. "Slow down you big oaf," she retorted, grabbing on Sheilah's shirt and looking out at the fields to their side. Sheilah merely looked down at her and grinned, not sure why this girl was following her, but not really caring. After all, she herself was a wandering minstrel, and she lived for new encounters.

"I don't know who you are, but I'm not feeding you and if you don't keep up with me, I'll leave you behind. I'm not a babysitter, and I'm not your mama," Sheilah said in her lilting voice. The girl at her side merely let out another snort, but clutched her shirt a bit more tightly than before. Sheilah decided the questions could come later as her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she had forgotten to eat breakfast. The next town wasn't far off, and she had heard there was a great bakery there. As if on queue, the smell of fresh bread drifted to her on the morning breeze, and she inhaled deeply. A tiny rumbling came from her side, and she glanced down in surprise, the little girl's face a deep crimson as it looked away. "Th...There must be some weird animals in this area, making such strange noises," the girl stammered. Sheilah laughed out loud, granting her a stern look from the small girl.

"I think I'll stop and get some bread up here. I would be willing to share a bit if you'll tell me how you knew my name and why you're following me," Sheilah said to the air in front of her. She was curious about the girl, and maybe the opportunity would arise for her to create a new song out of it. The girl merely snorted again, but her mouth was drooling a bit at the smell of the bread getting stronger and stronger. "We...well maybe I could enlighten you a little bit, since I have no other choice," the little girl said, one hand wiping the drool off her mouth before clutching Blessings' shirt again.

Sheilah looked sharply at the girls hand, her gaze incredulous. "Really? Really?! Did you just..." she started sharply, brushing the girls hand off and looking at the wet spot on her shirt. "You...! Do you have any idea how much this shirt cost me!" she yelled, as the little girl ran off towards the town, only looking back once to stick her tongue out and pull one eyelid down, making a rude sound in Sheilah's direction. Breaking into a run, she chased after the little girl, who yelped, running faster towards the town.

"Come back here you little runt, I'll do to what your momma should have done to you from the day you were born!" Sheilah yelled. The wind stirred through the trees as the two girls ran headlong towards the town, almost sounding like laughter as it brushed the limbs together and rustled the leaves. The birds sang and the squirrels chattered obliviously, not know that a new saga of adventure was unfolding right before their very eyes. Few would imagine the trials and tribulations these two would soon go through, and the incredible feats they would perform.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think, I've never really written for an audience before. I love writing and I'm always looking for chances to improve my style.

Reviews

[r]

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

I was drawn into it from the beginning. I love the imagery, the way you describe everything, and the words that you use. It makes it really poetic and beautiful. It's hilarious at some parts. You have a real gift. I'm intrigued to know what becomes of these two girls.

[DarkRainbowPie]

Aw wow, it's very interesting, makes me want to read more! :) That little girl, haha, oh my :') I love the way you write, wow, so descriptive and metaphorical at times, very well done :D

[Melissa Rose]

It drew me and it has a great energy about it. Lazy like a summer day and cheerful. There were a few things here and there I couldn't help noticing. I love the imagery and description but I feel it could be tightened up in places. For instance:
"she said, holding an imaginary dress out to her sides. putting her arms back to her sides, she straightened her sleeveless shirt out, making sure it covered everything appropriate, and tugged her skirt down a little, pulling it to a more modest position."

I I got a little lost with the description of every action she took. If anything I think it'll flow a bit better if you just take out one bit. I think taking out the, "Putting her arms back to her sides." Would really help it along.

Also reading the dialog out loud will help. Most of it was really natural and had good voice, there was just one string that I think came across a little stiff, at least it took me a bit out of the story:
"Sheilah! You wake up right this instant! How many times have I told you not to drink after shows this much? A young maiden like you will ruin her skin this way! Honestly, I don't know why Hooul blessed such a slovenly person as yourself with such beauty, but you should take better care of yourself..."

Other than that it's just little things I'm sure you can fix if you ever go through and nit pick this. I'd watch out for telling emotion where you can show it through action, but I'm really interested in where this can go and I hope you continue writing it. =D

[Cheshire]

I may come back to this story one day, but my current focus is on Endless Days. This was one of my first pieces of writing, and you're right lol. Reading over that sentence even has my scratching my head! XD

[Melissa Rose]

lol I get like that with my old work too. I write mostly in journals so that when I want to type it up I can really nit pick and add things in as a go. I would love your opinion on some of my work to if you have the time. :)

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarri..]

Quite nice! i am impressed
well pinned
loved the great and twisty usage of language!!

[Cheshire]

Thank you :)

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you for writing
We have slightly similar style in fiction

[Dave Vaught]

This is fantastic, especially since you said not much thought was put into it. I love your uses of imagery and personification. It's very clever and flows very well. Much higher quality than most of the other work I've seen on this site.

[Cheshire]

Thanks :) A lot of times my writing is a product of a story popping into my head, and me putting it down on paper or on my computer. For some reason, when I try to plan out stories, they always change as Im writing them anyway. I just start typing and see where the story goes :)

[Lucy Morningstar &heart..]

this is really lovely :)

[Holly M. May]

I absolutely loved this! =D I would love to see it fold out more, just so I can see the adventures they go on. You have a very natural talent for detail along with your voice. I really love the way you can draw someone into your story within the first paragraph, and keep them intrigued the entire time.

If I had to give any advise, I think you could space out the dialogue because in a few spots you put the different lines together so it looked like one person was saying both of those things.

Other than that, I loved all of it. Kudos my friend, kudos. =3