Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A Chapter by Madelyn Defray
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4 months ago Caitlyn walked down the forest path behind her family's house- following a strange music. It was there that she found who she truely was

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                He sat beneath her open window plucking the strings of his harp with delicate fingers. The tune he conjured was as mournful as the first time she had heard him play. As she lay in bed with closed eyes his music consumed her. She drifted in and out of consciousness- coaxed by his lullaby. She wasn’t sure how long he planned on haunting her every step- following her through the city- appearing miraculously when needed, but when nightfall came she savoured his presence hoping dearly that he would still be there like a second shadow come morning.

                Her parents worried for her sanity. Too often they over heard her whispering to him but to them he didn’t exist- to them it was like she were talking to herself, saying strange and peculiar things. Sighing she turned over and buried her face in her pillow. She didn’t know what to do. She felt selfish and afraid. She knew he wouldn’t leave unless it was with her by his side and though she fought the idea of it he still waited patiently, determined she would change her mind and see reason.

                Without a second thought she lifted herself from the folds of her sheets and tiptoed carefully across her floor. In the hallway she passed her parent’s bedroom. Did they know what was happening to her, what she was? Her father’s snores sounded softly from within. She pressed the flat of her palm against the country green door- she would never hear that sound again.

                “Goodbye,” she murmured before slinking down the stairs and out the side door.

                Concealed by the garbage bins next to the garage was a plain, black duffle bag filled with clothes and other necessities.  She reached for it with trembling hands. This was it.

                As if sensing her decision finally being made Zander emerged from her backyard, his harp nowhere to be seen. He nodded at her in approval, but she bit her lip still unsure. He didn’t say anything, then again he never said much of anything, but she knew if he could muster the words he would tell her everything was going to be alright which made her feel a little better, but not entirely.

                He led her to the forest path she had wondered down only four months ago. It was at the end of the trail that she had met him, and Bastian, and Eliza, and the rest of them. It was at the end of the path that started the beginning of all this chaos.

                Zander stopped abruptly and pulled her closely to his side. They had made it half way through the woods but there was something in the distance, a figure, blocking their path. At first she thought it was Bastian but she didn’t see the usual gleam of platinum blonde hair she had grown accustomed to. Whatever it was staggered forward. Fear gripped her insides as it fell to the ground on all fours. The sickening cracking of bones made her nauseated as the person twisted and shook- it’s body transforming.

                “Run,” Zander hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

                He took her bag from her hands and tossed it aside.

                “Run!” he shouted.

                Caitlyn nodded numbly before turning on her heels and racing back to the forest entrance. A ghastly roar cut through the air soon joined by the snarls of Zander. Tears welled in her eyes but she resisted the urge to collapse like a frightened child. Her leg muscles screamed as she forced herself to move faster. She could almost see the opening.

                “Caitlyn, over here!”

                Frantically Caitlyn swivelled her head in search of who had called her name. Perched in a tree at the end of the trail was Eliza. She leapt down with ease, landing in a low crouch. Caitlyn rushed to her, almost knocking the small girl over. She gasped for air and tried to explain what had happened but Eliza already seemed aware of the situation.

                She latched on to Caitlyn’s arm with an iron grip and dragged her back to the house. Caitlyn stumbled up the porch steps and slid open her back door. Eliza closed it firmly behind them.

                “They’ve been watching you,” she said. “They saw you and Zander leave.”

 Clutching a painful stitch in her side and heaving, Caitlyn pressed her nose to the glass doors, desperately looking for any sign of Zander.

                Eliza hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder, “He’ll be fine. Fighting demons is what he does- it’s what we were made to do.”

                Bitterness laced her words as she spoke to Caitlyn, and Caitlyn knew this was because she didn’t want to admit that Caitlyn, weak and helpless, was one of them.

                A tall form with a shock of light blonde hair pounded on the kitchen window. Eliza quickly withdrew her hand from Caitlyn and gestured towards the sliding door. Bastian burst into the kitchen with an air of excitement.

                “I found us a car,” he said triumphantly.

                “Meaning you stole one, right?” scoffed Eliza.

                Before the two could resume their usual bout of insults and arguments, Caitlyn thrust her finger to her lips signalling silence. The two stared at her quizzically but obliged. Straining her ears she tried her hardest to hear past the mundane. Zander had told her about her new abilities and how the simple ones such as enhanced senses would be easy enough for her to master. At that moment she felt like a radio attempting to pick up a clear frequency. It took a lot of concentration but she found it; his heartbeat.

                Zander’s heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly- sporadic and out of rhythm, but still beating nonetheless. A second heartbeat, the one belonging to the demon, was crawling to a stop; Zander had successfully killed it.

                “Can the two of you hear that?” she asked, torn between relief and anxiety.

                Bastian ran a hand through his hair and vocalized what they all feared, “There could be more and I don’t think he’s in any shape to keep fighting.”  

                Eliza agreed and the three of them sprinted back out into the yard.  Hunched and staggering, the silhouette of Zander emerged from the trees. Bastian slung an arm around his waist to keep him steady while Eliza examined him for any serious injuries. Momentarily his eyes flickered to Caitlyn who wasn’t sure what to do. She wanted to ask if he was alright but felt incredibly silly and foolish at the thought of asking. His shirt was stained and in tatters, mud matted his hair and smudged his porcelain complexion; he was clearly in rough shape.

                “Hold him while I pull the car around,” grunted Bastian as he gently released Zander into Caitlyn’s less than capable embrace.

                She wrapped both her arms around him and for the first time noticed he wasn’t that much taller than she was. His slumped neck left his mouth level with her ear- his heavy breathing heating the crook of her neck. 

                “What was it Zander?” Eliza asked as she fretted over the cuts on his forearms.

                “Ugro-Wok.”

                Eliza gasped in horror.

                “What’s that?” asked Caitlyn, a tad bewildered.

                The headlights of an old Cadillac illuminated the lawn. Bastian jogged to the short distance they had managed to meander and slung Zander over his shoulder. The smaller young man protested feebly, but didn’t show any sign of resistance.

                “An Urgo-Wok is a herding demon. It takes the shape of a human but its true form is a wolf like creature,” explained Eliza as she and Caitlyn followed Bastian and Zander to the car. “Only the most powerful witches can summon them because they’re extremely hard to control.”

                Bastian carefully laid Zander across the back seat before hopping into the front. Impatient and anxious- Eliza pushed Caitlyn into the car and squeezed in after.  It was cramped and uncomfortable- definitely not made for three people crammed so close to the dash board. With a flick of his wrist Bastian brought the car to life. Its engine groaned loudly and spluttered.

                “Couldn’t you have stolen a car from this century?” Eliza asked irritated as the car jerked forward and then stalled.

                “Would you like to walk princess?” offered Bastian.



© 2012 Madelyn Defray


Author's Note

Madelyn Defray
Please comment and critique

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Reviews

This is how I wish I could write. I loved it, brilliant piece.
Loved the title too, "Death's favorite pet" its perfect. I hop you add more one day.

Posted 6 Years Ago


It is very good. I don't usually enjoy this type of writing, but I did this time. It made me wonder what was going to happen next. The only problem I could think of is I would rather have known more background about Caitlyn and Eliza, but I understand how that is part of drawing the reader in. Over all, great story and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Keep on writing :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


okay hmmmm where to start... oh alright i suppose to start from the beginning is probably fit... *Clears throat*... the intro was horrible and... ah! i got you there huh:P (lol sorry but im overtired^_^) anyways i think i should tell you the truth. It was probably the most interesting thing i've read in awhile. It really caught my attention and got me asking questions about just what was happening. Really great that you started when the story was already in ful swing. I've read many stories that go through the whole slow introductions and stuff (guilty of writing them myself to tell the truth) and this was def a good break from that kind of writing. Not only did you start off on an interesting note but you also ended on one with the Urgo-Wok and the car stalling! Just make sure throughout the book you really work on developing the world that she is going to and make sure you explain further what she is and what not. I'm sure you alreadyy knew to do that though. So i've gotta tell you... I'm actually really looking forward to reading the rest of this book. Please keep up the good work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Okie doke, I took some notes on your prologue as well as this chapter but I am going to combine them in this comment. First things first, you have an eye for detail, you need to feed it, you have great magnifications in your story here like C's nape being heated by Z's breath, her comparing the heights, etc, but in other areas more expansion would help propel your story and add depth. A good example is the Cadillac, make and model bring it from a stolen car in a stolen to a stolen car some one lifted off the street. That being said you also posses a knack for dialogue and exchange between characters. I have no suggestions for this except in another reference to the stolen car. When B says he "found us" a car the audience can understand the implication already so it is slight overkill for E to reiterate what the reader will already have surmised. I understand that is a n equation for you to show the playful nagging those two characters have towards one another but it comes off as a redundancy. I don't want you to think I'm knocking your story, i enjoyed the read and am trying to give you the best suggestions for revision that I can. in regards to the prologue i took a few notes down that might help and then after that I will suggest some overall things you may like to think about for revision. You personify death, i think, in the prologue as being male. One might argue that death is simply an omnipresent entity and may take gender forms but for the most part is simply a force, like wind or and earthquake. Personification is a strong and helpful tool in terms of poetics and hence forth depth, just a thought. I was unsure at one point who Arthur was. Was he death? Was he just there in the room while all the hubub with the Witch-doctor [love that] was going down?? You need to make that clear to the readers, copy the picture in your head for them, in words. The last thing I anted to mention was a possible time change or scene change in the prologue, after the 5th paragraph the scene seems to go somewhere else and i was confused if this was still all happening at the same time or if it was a little later on?? If it was indeed a time change " * * * " is a group a symbols designed to signify that to readers. I enjoyed this read and clearly you have a passion for the subject matter and your characters. My suggestions for content would be just to immerse yourself in your character descriptions and arcs. Make them complex, complex characters sketches make their own stories in the heads of readers, they take on they own lives. A little more background or depth to each characters right off the bat will hook-in your readers and draw them deeper into the story, and ultimate message, you are trying to convey. I hope this doesn't come off as harsh. I enjoyed the read and appreciated the time you took to look at my work so I want to contribute on WritersCafe as much as possible and try to add insights i think might be helpful.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very interesting take on demons. Love the description and when chapter 2 comes out I want to read it! Thank you for letting me read your work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


definitely not my cup of tea, but i found myself enjoying the read anyway. You definitely need to get a little more in depth in explaining what the hell is going on big picture in the next chapter though. there is enough here and in the prologue that I'm not lost but I don't know how much further you could push it and keep the story interesting.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This piece is very interesting. i love the concept of demons in novels, it is something that hasn't sold out, yet. lol! My advice, is with the dialogue. try using " said Bastian" "said Eliza" instead of "grunted Bastian" scoffed Elizi". For example, ("Meaning you stole one, right" said Eliza in blatant disapproval.) It presents a more visual feel to the reader, than scoffed. I liked the descriptiveness of the scenes, though! Go check out my book on my page, it also has to do with the supernatural, in a different sense :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Ah, I need yet a chapter, indecisive me. I liked how you described the situation and garnished with grains of humor. You don't mention with words yet silently show with actions the emotions and struggles of the character. I think I like this, yet some things are foggy. I struggle to put the puzzle together as some pieces are yet missing and some just don't sit together. It's good to read and is worth it. You could find minor things in text, but they have no power to taint the feeling. Luck of some sort of completeness and some awkwardness does that instead. How is this that her dad doesn't wake up? Rev of Cadillac? Everyone in house? Everyone there for 4 month's yet no one have seen them, heard them? Are they invisible? Is she only one to hear them, yet “pulled her closely to his side “ and riding a Cadillac? I yet need to put this puzzle together. Good chapter.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Madelyn Defray

7 Years Ago

See my issue is that there was originally supposed to be a chapter before this one but I decided tha.. read more
janiksxxl

7 Years Ago

I don't know should you do that. It's not too long so maybe deeper explanation in next chapter would.. read more
I liked it very much! You are very good at describing the situation! :) Keep up the good work :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Madelyn Defray

7 Years Ago

Thank you very much! I appreciate your review!

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Added on July 6, 2012
Last Updated on July 6, 2012
Tags: death, dark, demon, vampire, werewolf, witches, warlocks, fight, blood, power, immortality, romance, young adult


Author

Madelyn Defray
Madelyn Defray

Narnia, The Wardrobe, Canada



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I hate filling in the giant 'about me' information boxes because there really isn't anything special worth mentioning which of course leads to a blank box followed by the re-thinking of the sad, pathe.. more..

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