Noumenon Traces

Noumenon Traces

A Story by Rana
"

Mail successfully sent.

"
I see things. Well, so do you. But, I mean things that normal people can't. And no, it's not useful in any way like one would expect such abilities to be. More precisely, I see deaths. Before they happen.

I might as well tell you all about it. It began last year. I hit puberty and of course, my brain upgraded itself to be conscious about more things, new things, and then, bam, this extra psychic ability dropped itself in my box. Psychic ability? I don't even know what you'd call it. Till date, I've sensed death imminent in twelve people, all of whom died within days of my fatal perception.

Well, it's nothing like premonition. Though I'm not quite sure if it's absolutely my sixth sense or if the other five senses help too. Okay, I think I'll try to analyze it. Talking about the first time, I recall Steve walking to me with a shovel in one hand just as I had closed the door to my house to go get some groceries maybe.

"Help me shovel the snow?", he had asked. I'd told him I'd be back within minutes and he had only nodded. And even while I had walked past him, there'd been this voice in my head going 'oh, this guy's gonna die'. Just like those other voices normal people have: 'oh, this guy's certainly depressed' or 'oh, he seems really happy'. It was like sensing any other emotion or mood. Embarrassment, annoyance, shyness, anything. Or something maybe radiated from him. That night, after dad informed us that Steve had died of an heart attack, I suffered insomnia. Could I have somehow stopped it?

Ignoring or overlooking these vibes I catch is impossible, I worry myself every single time. This guy I shared a table with at a cafe, friend I ran into in the library, salesman who helped me at the mall, lady in the street who'd randomly called me to ask about some address. The obituary columns have brought me more horror than the best horror book I've read in my life.

I wish there was a way I could get rid of this, since I'm sure it's something I'm never going to get used to. The only time it's proved to be a good thing was when Beth, a cousin, had been diagnosed with leukemia in one of the last stages and the doctors had had little hope, but I told her I knew she'd survive and she did. Though I haven't revealed any of this to her, or in fact to anybody else. I think I never can. Hence, I'm writing all of this to you. Please don't just read this, doctor. I really need your help. Do reply soon.

R.I.P.
(Um, those're just my initials)



© 2015 Rana


Author's Note

Rana
Any errors/discrepancies picked, or anything felt...

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Reviews

Concise piece, completely believable. Great flow, it fully captured my attention.

I would like more of it.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Rana

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Philip! :)
What a clever idea and the ending is brilliant!

I've read it twice now and can't find anything that would improve or alter the flow in this post. In other words there isn't one glaring negative. Perhaps you could extend the dialogue but a couple of sentences, just to make more movement.. but that's all i can suggest.

Fine, fine writing. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


Rana

3 Years Ago

Wow =) thanks so much Emma, that's really delightful!
What a mind-boggling idea, Rana
There were so many lines that stuck out to me

"Though I'm not quite sure if it's absolutely my sixth sense or if the other five senses help too. "
"Just like those other voices normal people have: 'oh, this guy's certainly depressed' or 'oh, he seems really happy'."
"The obituary columns have brought me more horror than the best horror book I've read in my life."

I also thought the title was unique and the way you wrote it was creative
The ending was filled with ambiguous allusions to death and I liked the colloquial manner you spoke in

All in all, another well-written story Rana!


Posted 3 Years Ago


Rana

3 Years Ago

Heaps of gratitude, Gaston =) this sent oh so many happy vibes to my CNS, big hearty thanks!
Now this is different as far as title and subject matter. I do like it a lot. You possess a uniqueness...:)....................

Posted 3 Years Ago


Rana

3 Years Ago

Aw :) thank you much Sami, treasure those words!
Sami Khalil

3 Years Ago

Wow. You are welcome. ...:).............
No, I didn't find any errors. It's a good story, but I think y ou should expand it more. Show dialogue between the narrator and Steve; talking to the friend in the library. Even a conversation between the narrrator and her cousin Beth, who finds out she's going to live.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Rana

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much Marie :) i tried telling the story through a mail sent by the protagonist to a doctor.. read more

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Added on July 24, 2015
Last Updated on July 27, 2015
Tags: fiction, message

Author

Rana
Rana

About
Yay! hello :) I have a butterfly net that sweeps in ideas fluttering in my head. I like to write just as much as i like to read and i began writing fiction in 7th grade. But the first thing i ever wr.. more..

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