Not a poem, but a rant?

Another piece written at work. Iget random inspiration to free hand and write what comes to my mind. These are just bits of clay that I would love to improve somehow. Imput is greatly apprieciated.

No sound, but no sense of tranquility. Submerged in thought and doubt, you feel yourself rushing down as if falling from great heights. With no air in your lungs or ground beneath your feet, you feel helpless and lost. Away these feelings must go in turn for a better outlook on the future and your succeeding that should indeed follow your intricate life. Thread after thread of chaotic elegance woven into one picture of victory and strength. You are a champion, you are just, and you are alone.

    In all of this you feel as if the point is not available to anyone’s' knowledge. It is just an imaginary bait set up for you to chase as if life conceived this beautiful trap. We all fall to our knees with this thought and this loss of faith. We all breathe that air that seems tainted with a discouraging aroma.

    I tell you now that we are too close to this point, this imaginary bait, to see it. We are far sighted in this case and must see with senses not of optical power. You must feel with your mind, your soul, your spirit, your heart. For you will find that life's not a goal, but a journey, an adventure. Your goal should be to seek happiness before the end submerges you into your final resting place beneath rock and soil. Once there, you are as a great portrait of one who did great things that hang in great museums. You were great for achieving happiness. You were great for making simplicity out of the soil of this complicated world we live in. You were great for having lived in trying times with a smile on your face, without a chip on your shoulder. You were great for not giving up when you felt all sense of accomplishment banished. You…Are great.

Reviews

[Jonathan Ballam]

Wow gal! You've surely got some talent...

My quick advice with how to write better is two things.

1. Stick to writing poetry. It's the core of all writing.

2. Read poets like Ted Hughes, William Carlos Williams, e.e.cummings to emerse yourself in metaphors.

With libraries being around most towns...reading great stuff is pretty cheap and accessible.

[creativekat]

you are a very deep and emotional person