Defining Moment

Defining Moment

A Poem by Blysful
"

Don’t be held back by fears and mistakes when there are people waiting for you to succeed.

"
This isn’t you
And that’s not me
This isn’t who
I thought we would be

So many mistakes
Can’t wash them away
I’m just tryna make
It all okay

I see your pain
Your fears won’t go
Before your hopes wane
I want you to know

This isn’t your defining moment
This is but a step upon the road
It’s up to you to find that moment
There’s no telling just how far you’ll go
This isn’t all that you’ll ever be
This is just a part of the whole
There’s still time ‘til you are complete
And I for one can’t wait to watch you grow

© 2020 Blysful


Author's Note

Blysful
So I haven’t written in a long time, started humming a random tune and these words came with it.
A bit of a poem song mix, which I’m not sure is worth continuing so thought I’d share it on here to see what others think :)

If it does continue it’ll involve such themes as making choices, respecting your past but not dwelling on it as well as becoming the best version of yourself.

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Reviews

So far, so good. I can feel an "anthem-like" musical tendency here, but it feels a little too "rah! rah!" for my taste, but it's well done for where you are trying to take this. To me, the main problem is that last verse, which seems to be a chorus, so God forbid that long mutha gets repeated! I agree with everything you're saying in that verse & I feel it's mostly well-said, but the problem is that you go on & on & on with hardly any differentiation from line to line. It's like there's nothing new here & it's getting boring with so many lines of it. If you tightened this up into a mere four lines, then I would buy it. I think there's all that much superfluous BS that could be pruned away. Also, I feel you're totally underplaying the only thing that really means anything about what you're saying here. The last line is the whole crux of the matter & yet you only spend that one measly line expressing it. I would pump that up considerably, even to the point of showing an array or an audience of those who are on this person's side. SHOW instead of tell. Find some universal image that can be painted to show all the people who are rooting for this person. Sorry if I've drilled down too far about this. It's a perfectly well-stated message, but it could be honed & illustrated a bit (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 8 Months Ago



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Added on August 5, 2020
Last Updated on August 5, 2020
Tags: Poem, Song, Incomplete, Encouraging, Hope, Experimental

Author

Blysful
Blysful

Lincolnshire, United Kingdom



About
I'll write so long as there's a pen in hand or a keyboard in reach. I ran out of pages in my numerous notebooks, so I made the (hopefully not disastrous) decision to post my work online :) more..

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