Thug Life Of Our Resident Squirrels

Thug Life Of Our Resident Squirrels

Three years ago I told my landlord we had squirrels in the attic. I had him stop and listen to the sounds of our neighborhood squirrels scooting around rooftops and settling in my attic.
His reply to the noise was, "that's not squirrels that's the trees brushing up against the roof." That must have been the signal to our squirrel residents that their thug life was good to go.
Now I don't know if anyone has ever met up with squirrel thugs, but they rule. I placed cat sounds from my phone and signal noise all around the house, that I paid good money for, you know the kind you plug into the wall sockets that's supposed to be loud enough to scare away animals as big as raccoons...it didn't work. Instead I think they called over their squirrel buddies from other rooftops to have a listen. Three solid years of trying to get rid of our thug squirrels.
My son would call long distance and I would say, "squirrels in the attic, son I think they're having a meeting on what to chew up next!"
No matter who I spoke to about the squirrels, it was followed by sound ADVICE, because they had had squirrel troubles themselves. Unfortunately no one had ever had thug squirrels. They're different you see, they're a tough breed. I know because I could see them doing exercises, lifting weights, and flying like superheroes from rooftop to trees like Tarzan. I caught one running on top of my fence and got right in front of it, I thought it would run away. It did stop running, but look straight at me as if to say, " what! wha you want? Maybe even gave a few thug like tail twitches then bobbed and weaved as if he were going to make a basketball dunk,he jumped over me and onto the brickwall of the chimney and into a hole in the roof, or gutters, by now there were many escape holes in and around the roof.
One day I was washing dishes at the kitchen sink, out of the window I saw one of my thug squirrel sunning himself on a fence post, he saw me and gave me that thug look, "wha, wha Ya lookin at! Ya lookin at me! Wha you lookin at me for? I was intimidated and glad there was a glass window between us.
From my bedroom I could hear them in the attic chewing and scampering around. Early morning their thug babies bounced around playing with each other, I pounded on the walls to scare them into stopping, it didn't work. During the day there was the pitter-patter of thug squirrel feet entering and leaving. By late evening sounds slowed down as they did their remaking of their nests and then silence until morning.
My landlord convinced or trying to convince me that it was just the trees, cut down the trees. The only thing that solved was keeping Victor the neighborhood cat patrol officer from getting up on the roof to chase the squirrels away. Victor made his rounds every evening, he was very prompt and determined to keep the squirrels in their place. But once the trees were cut down, all he could do was stand on the walkway and hiss at them. After that they ran rings around Victor. It was a lost battle from the beginning. Poor Victor.
Finally after battling the thug squirrels and exhausted from trying to get my landlord to believe we had squirrels, my landlord reshingled the roof and replaced the gutters. That was in the middle of my sixth year here. But there was one last determined thug squirrel left. He refused to give up residents. He took to our shed. I wasn't bothered by him because the shed was attached to the side of the house. It was right next to my daughter's room he was chewing his way into the house. Now after all these years she was getting a taste of the squirrel thug life.
Outside of our house one night my daughter decided to investigate the noise. Walking to the shed she could hear the movement of something, it's big she thought, really big! She ran back into the house to get me.
"Mom, there's something really big hiding out in the shed!" I knew it was squirrels but left a little caution that it might be something else since I witnessed the migration of our thug squirrels evacuation. Both of us grabbed flash lights and slowly walked towards the shed. I opened it and both of us shined the beam of lights inside the shed and moved one box. The two of us looked like we were having body spasms. We got out of that shed pretty damn quick, but so did our very last thug squirrel. At 150 miles per hour that squirrel moved at maximum speed out of the shed, across my neighbors lawn and into the darkness of night.
We told our big brave male neighbor what had happened and he got a can of something that sprays away squirrels. I wish I'd known you could spray something and squirrels would disappear. I wouldn't be this crazy hating squirrel person. They're gone but it's just too late to enjoy our victory because we move next week.

Reviews

[NataliaXael]

You lived in a squirrel ghetto hahaha!! They gave zero f***s.

[Bonnie Paige]

LoL, 😂🤣😅

[Dave Brown]

great story
Squirrels here also
We have finally made a reasonable truce with a small brown thief and the resident owls seem to keep the others under control
Call me crazy, I actually like them but they sure can be a nuisance

[Bonnie Paige]

Lol, I've moved since that story. I was so angry with our resident Squirrels, that the story came pouring out. I laugh at it now and my friends got a chuckle. The squirrels here are better behaved. I don't bother them and they don't bother me.
Hope it brought a smile to your face.