Max Doom

The very first story I began to write,It started out as a blog on my myspace but now it's in my word docs being put together piece by peice heres part of it :D

The day was like any other day, clouds in the sky letting everyone know fall rain was on its way. I was in my social studies class at the time, learning about someone from WW2. I was just about to dose off when suddenly a near blinding light filled the room accompanied by a screeching roar. The entire room shook making all of the students including me fall to the ground. Then we heard the crash, followed by a massive shockwave which shattered all the glass in the room. I slowly stood up thinking to myself how confused everyone else must be if even I was scared by the previous events. Then hunter burst through the door a look of both urgency and shock in his eyes. “They’re here.” He said as I remembered the conversation we had back in 2007 when my training with him had just began.

“Ok Robert, your making progress, which is surprising given that you cannot perform any jutsu at the moment.” He said as I stood in his backyard hanging on every word.

 

So yeah prett short so far,but it's getting there.It looks and fells alot better than when I wrote the first of these in blog form almost 2 years ago :D

Author's Note

Well first of my major writeing pieces,so constructive critasism is a must! :3

Reviews

[Amanda]

I think this is a good start, but I'll admit I'm a little confused by the progression of events. You might want to make it more clear what is happening and at which point in time. Otherwise, I thought this was a good write.