BABE

like a rollin river, goin off into the distance, yea, just like the waves crishing on to the side, my momma will come home one day, yea, where the wishes are floating on by, years of untold stories and lies, yet full of the want to let go, so let it roll, roll on away, down the river, far away, so when my baby comes home, she will give me that sweet love, oh baby, come a little closer, where the break of dawn will come soon, and i shall be on my way, through the window again, and off into the distance, i blow the kiss of return, but know deep within, my heart is going to heaven, i will see you babe, on the other side, where the rivers keep rollin, where the music sounds around the air all day, where i will sing, and roll on down this river, on through life, goodbye babe.

Reviews

[SpokenWord]

You do love your run on sentences. I am actually getting use to it now, and how it flows as one though spoken in one breath. It's hard when we are separated from a true love like this and you know you have to travel to them to be reunited one day. Makes the remainder days on earth long and hard.

[Jazique]

Your style of writing is so intersting but, you work it good as it rolls with your words.

[Bette]

great choice of words, the ROLL well together. Keep it up!

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

That's a Slammer, B! Very nice. New takes on every reread. Great work.

[Kaitlin W. Blaylock]

the change of subjects is almost too rapid, not enough emphasis on each until the end. i would suggest making it longer, detailing a little. Not overkill, not paragraphs or lengthy, just enough to fill and flow to the next subject.

[Katrinka Johnson]

I like it, and to all you other people out there. Stanzas aren't what makes the poem, it's the words and how they are used. It's the feeling you get as you read, they make become real and heart felt. If you can't understand that then you might want to find a differnt hobby.

[Calypso]

Some stanzas would be nice, but its good

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

So lovely and beautiful!

[Bard Constantine]

Nicely done. The uninterrupted flow of thought is rare, but it seemed to work for this particular piece. Good writing...

[KAREN]

Very beautiful and the flow is great!

[Escape My Fate]

Greatly written.