A LITTLE DRINK, A LITTLE SMOKE, A LITTLE HOPE

one evning, where the glasses were going round, where the hearts were full of life, and the souls all shining bright, all the voices around speak of this new begining, speaking fearcly full of hopes and dreams, i, myself did not feel as such, i sat in my corner, i smiled, i spoke lightly, and happily, yet my own heart spoke to me from within, i longed for that dream i once had to finally come walking through the door, and it was then i saw her,

that angel from my dream of yesteryear, oh such a dream was so vivid as this, her voice rang loud with the warming tone of the highest goddess, yet her lips didnt even quiver, no one seemed to hear such beauty pour from this young soul, such sounds of song birds that wake me from my long dark dreams of the night, to a bright and beautiful new hope,

but this heart always falls so fast, this bird is tied to her fingers with her honorable word, she is chained to a duity that i suppose most must face head on once in a while for the sake of one's own love, i tell you this, however, this jeM will be dusted, placed where it always belonged, right ubove all men and their crowns, to be a simple tear from this angel that has taken my soul,

love i fell hard for, and broke this lock of mine, busting  me out, just to let loose the demons into my nights,

but alas, i am still left with this gift, one any man would be blessed to be bestowed upon by any angel of such beauty, where the sun rises every day, chasing away all the demons created by such hands as these, leaving with this one kiss of hope, when i rise to a new day.

 

will i be holding you to night

will this love take flight

that is not for me to tell, for the road ahead is goin to be full of sharp stones and soft beds, where it takes me i dont know, but i only can live this path, and i shall find my way to where i feel at home, so if my love is right, that would be my light, but if its mearly a charm of the moment, then, let it last so i may rest my weary head, for once the sun rises i will be on my way down that road, i will leave you then with a kiss in return,

so for now, my sweet

good night.

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Life teaches us many lessons. A wise man or woman know when to hold tighter and be kinder. I like the feel and wisdom in this poem. Most of us must learn the hard way to appreciate the people willing to love us. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Jenny-Jen-Jen]

Beautiful. And true. Lovely poem -- well written. With such strong imagery.

And for the basics, I liked it a lot!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

a lessoned affair, a irreverent scentless of unique interlude, well done, great read, a worthy prose.

[felioness]

i loved this..wondeful word usage, mood and a tale that grabs the soul...i thnk anyone who has loved or lusted mightily can relate.

[HorrorMaster]

Pretty amazing

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

I found this quite difficult to get into as this is perhaps the roughest of rough drafts I've seen.

On the positive side you have a certain talent for imagery. The line, "this bird is tied to her fingers with her honourable word" very dramatically describes how the narrator is bound to his "angel". There are thus several occasions where you really demonstrate an ability with quite high-brow romance. However, the piece as a whole is neither poem or prose and there are just too many typos for it to be enjoyed properly.

My recommendation would be to give this a really good editing. Firstly decide whether it should be trimmed into a poem or allowed to grow into prose. Then, once the decision has been made wade in with a good spell checker, tidy the grammar and soon you'll really have something to celebrate with a little drink, a little smoke and... an appreciative audience.

[JelliFyshKissUs]

The title is genius in itself>> Sorta serves as the display for such a delectable writing>> I will agree with the others here>> The overall tone is smooth like cognac>>>leaves a sensational longing for more>> And the grip this angelic woman has on you is intoxicating>> There is nothing better than a creamy delicious pen>>

[Caradactyl]

I like the beginning to this piece. The language just makes this flow nicely. The only thing I can suggest is grammar and spelling, and that's only because it's kind of hard for me to read when it isn't proofread. Other than that, this is a really nice piece!

[John Knowles]

The intro is amazing. I love the elegant language, it makes it very hard to place what time it takes place in, so it could be literally anywhere. I also like how you take such a simple scene that no one else in regular life would notice and make it beautiful and important. Not saying love/electricity isn't important. You just made "I saw a girl I instantly liked, but couldn't talk to." Into something gorgeous. It's like I'm in there, sitting at that table.

[Lexi Nicole]

I think this is beautiful. I would suggest, though, that you watch out for grammar and spelling because there are a few missed letters and a couple of commas that should have been periods. I do like how one thought just flows into the next in this, but I feel like it could use a little polishing to make it more appealing to the eye and therefore a little bit easier to read and digest.

Your diction and flow are absolutely wonderful, and the piece itself is gorgeous. You should be proud!

[Matt Shriver]

Great job. I liked it a lot. Very well written.