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As she drew the dagger out of her heart,

She dropped to her knees,

Lifeless.

Memories flooded her vision,

Presenting the evil that once lived within.

The gash that lied above her heart,

Was the home of all evil,

The portal.

Demons escaping,

Rushing to find a new host,

A puppet.

The life of one ended so quickly,

Yet so vague.

The memory lies within our being,

The eyes of a witness.

The blood shed,

Was the cold blood of evil,

The poison of life,

Drained from her being.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think!(: Let me know what i can change as well!(: It'd be very helpful!(: I'm not sure if "vague" makes since in the sentence i put it so let me know about that please!!! :) Thanks everyone!(:

Reviews

[VeeTrix words]

For this one I think it was well done, kind of like telling a story of someone's pain. But one thing I think you should look over is toward the end. Throughout the poem you keep using well description to make your audience feel what she's feeling. The last stanza took away that feeling, (in my opinion) maybe instead of using "evil" you could use stronger words like "malevolent" or "immoral". For example "The blood shed, was malevolent/immoral" You don't have to use those particular words, but something stronger than "evil" make it have a more vibrant feel to end with goosebumps.

Great work on this poem. :)

~Vee

[Beautiful_Nightmere]

VEE!! :D Thank you :D

[VeeTrix words]

You're welcome loves ^_^ hope it helped!

-Vee

[Beautiful_Nightmere]

Indeed it did c:

[Wolfwind]

Certainly a piece that brings the color red to mind. =) I must admit the word "vague" doesn't really work in the sentence you used it in. If you were meaning abstract? Then I'd just use Abstract. The first line in the second stanza might work better if it was just, "The gash above her heart" The way you used the word "lied" doesn't make sense as it implies the gash lied to some one, like not telling the truth and doesn't work that way.

Other than those two things, I think you've got a good bloody piece that ends up well...drained... ;)

Thanks for sharing your poetry!

Aaron

[Beautiful_Nightmere]

Thank you for the feed back :) And this helps a lot :)

Thanks again c: