Leaving

Leaving

A Story by Brittany W

He took a deep breath, exhausted from this conversation that’s taken place so many times.  I watched as he thought thoroughly about what he was going to say and then he spoke.

“You need to know this, Melissa. You can’t wait for me anymore, because I’m not going to be here much longer and I can’t see you suffer another day.”

His health took a fall for the worse this past month and I watched as he and his health slowly disintegrate, I watched my love die and I could do nothing.

“Go, and move on. I promise I won’t be sad, I want you to be free and do what you have to, do what I can’t and that’s live. I love you to death, and I mean that literally, I’ll die knowing you were there for me, and I’ll die knowing you were happy.” He shut his eyes.

I saw the tears seeping out the sides of his eyes. He was in pain, and I was making it worse. My body was aching for him, I needed him to stay he couldn’t go.

“No, no, no.  It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.  Never ever was this supposed to happen,” I said grabbing his hand.

He opened his eyes now, and he had the look of pure solace.

“I know life’s not fair. If it was fair I wouldn’t be here in this hospital bed dying. If life was fair we would be getting married in a month, and on our honeymoon. But we’re not and my life is over, and I’ve finally come to accept that. As much as I want to be yours forever and not leave you I’m going to, I love you Melissa, but you must go.” He coughed out the last words.

He began to cough so much that the nurses came in to help him.  They rushed around him, with their supplies and I backed out of the way. I backed all the way out of the room, and I took a good look at him, and left. This is what he wanted.

© 2010 Brittany W


Author's Note

Brittany W
I'm experimenting, enjoy :)

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Featured Review

Nice moment capture. Good dialogue, compact scene. In this sentence, "But we’re not and my life is over, and I’ve finally come to except that."
I think you mean "accept" instead of "except."

The only suggestion I would make is in the first paragraph, a brief sentence describing the hospital room or bed or something to go along with: "I watched as he thought thoroughly about what he was going to say and then he spoke."

I know it's a beginning sketch, and a good one. Loss is sad and a hard subject to write about. You do a good job of touching the essence of it between two people. Good work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's never easy to see a loved one in such a condition far from saving. I think you captured the loss of loosing a loved one perfectly, and it's true - life's not fair. This story was very well done; it was sad, but you did a wonderful job :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Line 2: "...and then he spoke" - Could be removed.
Line 4: “You need to know this, Melissa." - Could be removed.
Line 7: "..disintegrate." - disintegrated.
Etc.
Nice moment to capture but needs a lot more editting. There seems to be repetition in the dialogue. Fewer words would do in some places.

Generally a nice storyline.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is very good! This is getting to quality story writing. You always do this! XD It is like watching the turning point in a film and just before one can see what happens next, the lights go out and you just HAVE to see more! It is good! Keep going you are on to something awesome ;)

Posted 10 Years Ago


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KL
Your tenses switch from past to present to past so frequently it makes this a very difficult read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Very nice! You have a flair for the dramatic i see....

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice moment capture. Good dialogue, compact scene. In this sentence, "But we’re not and my life is over, and I’ve finally come to except that."
I think you mean "accept" instead of "except."

The only suggestion I would make is in the first paragraph, a brief sentence describing the hospital room or bed or something to go along with: "I watched as he thought thoroughly about what he was going to say and then he spoke."

I know it's a beginning sketch, and a good one. Loss is sad and a hard subject to write about. You do a good job of touching the essence of it between two people. Good work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very heartbreaking but the message is clear... we can still morn for those we lose and honor them by still living.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such a sad and heartbreaking piece. Life really is unfair to those who have to leave us so soon. I was touched by your story, keep it up. You did a wonderful job here.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 23, 2010
Last Updated on October 24, 2010

Author

Brittany W
Brittany W

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Add me on Tumblr, even if we dont talk :) http://bbrittanylynn.tumblr.com/ Hey, my names Brittany and im pretty easy going, i love reading which is probably the main reason i love to write. Anyw.. more..

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