Cracks in the Red

Cracks in the Red

A Poem by Brittaney

It has happened again

Another crack in the red

The pain becomes unreal

And I’m forced to feel

 

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for him

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for what never should have been

 

Can’t you see that I feel?

Can’t you see that I know?

I want to help you

I want to heal you

 

I stroke your cheek

Taking the tear as my own

I hold you tight

Letting you know I’m here

 

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for him

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for what never should have been

 

You come to me the next day

A smile upon your face

He’s going to change, you say

He loves you, you say

 

I can see the cycle starting over

I can see your pain build

I’m not sure if I can handle it again

Another crack in the red

 

It has happened again

Another crack in the red

The pain becomes unreal

And I’m forced to feel

 

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for him

The tears roll down your cheeks

As you cry for what never should have been

© 2008 Brittaney


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Featured Review

This is good. I like how you repeat why that person is crying; because of something that never should have been. That is one thing about relationships though. No one really understands why it is that people do the things that they do until they are forced into the same position. It's amazing how much people can sit there and tell others that they are wrong for feeling and then don't listen when people tell them the same thing. You justify yourself in this one. When she goes back to her boyfriend, and you can "see the pain building again" is a great way of showing that you can see how it is going to end. It's great that you put that in there to show that people will do anything to find and keep any love they can.

Thank you for writing.


"what should never have been" --- You should try switching some words around a bit to make it flow a little better. Like "what never should have been".

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's good but very repetitive. It would be a good song. With the right tune, I'd listen to it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


I think your ability to write is good...your level of insight is naive, perhaps trite, and in art you need to get as close to the cliche without being cliche. Your poem acknowledges some discovery by the narrative voice, but the notion of wanting to heal another is desperate or youthful idealism. It is reflective of the speaker's own need to heal.
The structure of your poem and the progression of your vision are sweet. I simply think you are capable of digging deeper. As you read it for example...would you remember any part? And which part and why...
For myself I wonder why/what should never have been...this love? this person as the love object...his love for her? That is successfully memorable by your good use of repetition and the enigmatic quality of the question since on the other hand she is so trying to be there...

Posted 12 Years Ago


I could hear this more as a song than just a read piece. Perhaps you should put music to it and see how it comes out.

Posted 12 Years Ago


I like this write keep it up I really like alot of your writing but now that I have the chance to read more I think I will read alot more of your writnings!

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is good. I like how you repeat why that person is crying; because of something that never should have been. That is one thing about relationships though. No one really understands why it is that people do the things that they do until they are forced into the same position. It's amazing how much people can sit there and tell others that they are wrong for feeling and then don't listen when people tell them the same thing. You justify yourself in this one. When she goes back to her boyfriend, and you can "see the pain building again" is a great way of showing that you can see how it is going to end. It's great that you put that in there to show that people will do anything to find and keep any love they can.

Thank you for writing.


"what should never have been" --- You should try switching some words around a bit to make it flow a little better. Like "what never should have been".

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

oh wow thats like exactly whats happing to me...omg.. wow very very good

Posted 13 Years Ago


excellent piece for a song. I like the flow of this work

Posted 13 Years Ago



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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 9, 2008
Last Updated on April 17, 2008

Author

Brittaney
Brittaney

Corpus Christi, TX



About
Hi, my names Brittaney. Im twenty-two years old. My dream is to one day be published and become a well known author. My target audience is late teen early twenty's. Mostly people that want to read.. more..

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