My Dick Wrote a Poem

So here's to my boss. I love you, you're my best friend, you're the master. So take the pen and give the people you're story......

 

"To deny our own impulses,

is to deny the very thing that makes us human!"                                              

                - Mouse from the movie "The Matrix"

 

 

My Dick Wrote a Poem

 

by Obie Wang Kenobi

 

 

How am I hanging?........ 

              LOW & LAZY

And this constant isolation is driving me crazy!

I know it's for my own safety

But I need a new mate or at least get "Handelle"

up there to come play with me!

 

BUT WAIT......

I’m starting to feel warm

and my anatomy swells

I sense the damp air of estrogen,

I know the scent well!

 

 

 

(sniff)

IS THAT...

P***Y I SMELL?!??!

 

I can tell because my reproductive gel 

Starts to leak like a bottomless pail

 

Wait!....What did she say?

Make her say it again!

It sounded like she said

"Bridgey, why don’t you come on in."

YEAH, WE AT IT AGAIN!

And I feel my veins

send blood UP from my testes

and directly to my brain

 

We BOTH go into her place and I catch a case of vertigo

Knowing soon after the show, he'd be rounding 3rd base

And I literally can't wait, she had her stupid 2nd date!

So I message Dummy, I mean Bridgey, to speed up the pace!!

 

My telekinesis screams…

“Tell her whatever

         she wants to hear!”

Get her a beer or two, or six until her nudity appears!

Recite a love poem or something  in the warmth of  her ear! 

Just do whatever you have to do to bring her attention down here!!

 

Now I'm starting feeling tight, and I'm tripled in height!

And my head's "rim" inflates like the wheels on a bike

BUT I NEED A BETTER VIEW,

his pants ain't see through

Although I stained ’em up a bit, I need to get a preview!

 

So I try to bust through them....

                & push my head high

Then I feel Bridgey's hand

         lay me down on his thigh

What the hell, Bridgey?

I hope you ain’t forgot who's the boss!

I'm Michael Jackson, you’re Tito!

The testies are Diana Ross!

 

I control you!

And I rule us with an Iron Fist!!!

I'm the star, the brains,

and the dick in this dictatorship!

So quit, f*****g around

and let’s get to f*****g her now

Cause I'm f*****g tired of nights with just some Jergens and a towel!

 

 

I feel us go to sit down and hear incoherent sounds, but I assume “Dummy” is going into his whole…. "passive aggressive, cool, I'm not gonna act like I really want to have sex with you, thus luring YOU into making the first move by talking smooth and slightly ignoring you which makes you want us even more, brooding divorcee’ tortured artistic soul, seductive”  thing now

 

So then I try to stand,

but his pants got me tucked in and

I'm too stiff to worm my way back to.........wait......wait.......

 

the zipper's moving!.........Oh Yes!!!

YES!! THIS IS IT!!!

Someone takes me out of these pants,

but I can't see s**t!!

 

 

I feel an unfamiliar hand softly petting my skin

And it feels so good, that I start leaking again!

Her hand, is so soft and especially small

but for all  I care,

HER HAND CAN BE A HOLE IN THE WALL!

 

I hear her say "Lay back", and so Bridgey abides

Though I, with all my pride stand very hard and high

 

I feel her lip's kiss,

and her tongue give me a lick

I'm now the rope in a "Tug of War" between her lips and Dummy’s pelvis

 

 

I'm....wet as fish, but bathed within her kiss for 10 minutes or so, now I need to simply finish, so pass the Kleenex or get that rubber outfit so I can “go” & leave you two silly, love birds alone

 

Oh good! The rubber outfit; this'll just take a minute

But something's pulling at my feet telling me not to give it

 

All of a sudden,

      now I'm in it!

It’s the washing machine!!!!!

Now we're jumping like a bungeed, underwater trampoline!

 

Up , Down, Up & Down!......It feels so good!

Round, round, round & round,

                            it feels like it should

Like a tight, pillow-like room....and I really wanna shoot

Five minutes later, I do "IT",

                 And Bridgey takes off the suit

 

I'm breathing hard now and shrinking,

                 and I need dry off

I feel satisfied and tired so I'm about to sign off

I ain't with all the talk, so this is where it will end

And tell  OL' WHAT'S HER NAME

 

I said, "Thanks, and go tell a friend!"

 

 

 

Author's Note

This poem in no way represents the thoughts, feelings, and agreements with Bridgey Crewe and all of his affiliates. I never took this piece that seriously until the response to it. Then I started revising and I'm(or we) are going to try and make it as poetically intelligent as possible without losing the humor of it. I really wanted to convey the "control" aspect of his personality. Somewhat of a Napoleon complex, yet they do control most men both directly and indirectly.....
Tons of revisions are to be made, so just have fun with it right now.......

Reviews

[perfectlymetiKulous]

LMAO... this was partially inspired by SuperBad? I was JUST watching that this weekend as well. You're totally my soulmate.
How I love thee, let me count the ways...
Anywho, getting back on task:
I can not stop laughing.
This was truly a unique piece. The perspective is insanely funny to me.
Girls couldn't really write a piece such as this, you think? Yeah, well, probably just not this girl. LOL.
And you wonder why I call you brilliant. It's simply because you are. I have a firm belief that this could have been so vulgar, but it's not, it's just insanely funny. A Day in the Life...
(the washing machine -- priceless!)

[Lady V]

What can I say Bridge? You are a mastermind at best and each poem not only intrigues the reader but it indulges us in the Bridgey Crewe world. We want to read more and see more and try to understand if we can..........Who is that man. I must say this poem made me laugh especially knowing where its inspiration came from. Superbad has me in tears each time I watch it.

Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[x]

once again a great write keep them comeing

[Fear Corrupts!]

[ Rolls her eyes ]
Woooaah man, graphic much?
Haha, I EVEN had a hard time getting through this one.
Jokes.
Jeeeezus.
Funny though, I must say.
" So, there's the erotica of the night dear "
I haven't watched Superbad yet, should I?
I'm not so sure now....
Anyway, fitting title ( obviously)
Jeepers (yeah, I just said that)

P.S. Why the Obi won crack? He's my fave.

;)

[ Fear Corrupts! ]

[Her]

He's a creative one, huh?
I've read many poems before, and none are quite like this one. So, contrats on being such an original writer!
This was truly hilarious. And, I f*****g love Superbad!!
Your creative and unique style is quickly making you one of my favorite writers on here.

[Taylor H]

quick note before I even read this. (The title of this is hilarious) lol
this was great lol. This is totally what a penis is thinking the whole time, i know it. Next time my boyfriend and I get physical im gona start laughing cause of this damn poem! lol great job

[Shellie]

bit wierd reading it from the aim of a penis but very good.rubber outfit, thats very good. was i missin sumthin or did your penis refer to you as Dummy in places :) i dunno where your gonna revise any of it coz it seems finished to me but its great. ah write one bout a vagina...go on Bridgey

[24KMind]

RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Never knew I'd be inside the mind of a man and a penis that way.....oh yeah they're the same! LOL

Awesome write Bridgey, imagery, wording, humor, creativity, slam dunk my Dude! As always a masterpiece!

...man i'mma kick you in the back o you neck you ask me if you got talent one mo GIN! LOL

[Phantom Heart]

LOL. That was incredibly clever and super funny. You have a way with words and you did a superb job on this original piece of comedic work.

[Brianna Brie]

I feel her lip's kiss,
and her tongue give me a lick
I'm the rope in a "Tug of War"
between her lips and his pelvis

This really is a hilarious write! Full of creative juices. Ha Ha That's a new one a dick as a pen! Thanks for keeping me amused. Keep it up! lol