I arrived at my apartment one day and saw a letter poking out from under my door. It didn't have my address, a return address, or a name. I looked around cautiously before I opened my apartment door. Slowly, my fingers tore the envelope to get to the letter. The letter didn't have my name or their name. I tried to see if I could recognize the hand writing but none of it rang a bell. After several minutes of trying to figure out the letter writer, I began to read it. The person had a list of instructions for me to do, all of which I did not want to. Although I refused to do what the letter said, I put it in my top drawer.... I made a mistake by not following those instructions immediately... The next day, I was called and told that my parents had died from an unknown cause. But the next day, I was accused of murder. I heard police sirens surrounding my apartment and my phone rang.
"This can all be stopped if you follow my instructions." The person hung up and I dug the letter out of my drawer. Quickly, I ran out of my room with the money I had. I made my way to the top of the building and jumped to the next. Below me, people pointed but the police didn't seem to notice. I got to a different apartment and climbed into the building through the roof door. My breathing slowly calmed down and I read the letter again. The person promised that if I followed the instructions, they would stop everything... That would be impossible though, I now had 'murder' on my record and my parents are dead. But I knew that this person would keep ruining my life if I didn't follow the instructions... I sighed. The first thing I would need was a gun.
I like this, but I do need to point out a few things first.
One, more paragraphs. The two, large paragraphs are cool, yes, but they need to be broken down into mini paragraphs so that they're easier to read.
Two, doesn't the narrator adjust to the situation a LITTLE too quickly? They're like, "Yeah, whatever, I'm convicted of the murder of my parents. Oh wells." and they begin to follow the instructions like it's nothing.
Three, also, the length. When you said short, I didn't think you'd mean THIS short. If you're planning on going anywhere, with this, make them a tiny bit longer, okay?
Overall, this is an interesting start. I'm reading on.
I don't think it's one for me. It feels like a writing exercise. Also, I confess, I thought hmmm, I definitely cld not write if I was bored. I think we have to be turned on in some way. So I started reading in the wrong mood because of the B word.
I like the plot that you have going here but like the others below me said it needs more paragraphs. Right now this chapter seems like a short story and not a chapter to a book. Another thing i have to say is that it sounds a bit choppy. Try to make it flow more by putting description in it. Like describe what the letter looked like or her apartment, what she was wearing, what she was thinking. etc. Other than that i like it.
I agree with liv. Definitely adjusts to the situation really quickly. Seemed a little unreal. Other than that, this is intense. I wanna know what happens. So must read on.
I like this, but I do need to point out a few things first.
One, more paragraphs. The two, large paragraphs are cool, yes, but they need to be broken down into mini paragraphs so that they're easier to read.
Two, doesn't the narrator adjust to the situation a LITTLE too quickly? They're like, "Yeah, whatever, I'm convicted of the murder of my parents. Oh wells." and they begin to follow the instructions like it's nothing.
Three, also, the length. When you said short, I didn't think you'd mean THIS short. If you're planning on going anywhere, with this, make them a tiny bit longer, okay?
Overall, this is an interesting start. I'm reading on.
My name is Brynna Wynne Wiley. Aka: BrynnaW. I'm supposed to tell all about myself right here but... I've done that before.
Now, it's just about the writing. more..