Chapter 9

I laid on the couch and studied my nail bitten arm. Blood rose up from the crevices and down my arms like the tears that wouldn’t come. Once again, I could feel someone’s presence near me. I rolled over on my stomach, ignoring my painful arm, and fell asleep.

As it had been for my brother, the next few days were sad and an upsetting way to view my goodbye. My family seemed to be trying to cling to me so every time I saw my mom or anyone, really, come my way, I walked the opposite direction. Here would be a good time to explain myself a little more. I have never sung to anyone, not even my family. I never cry in front of them or anyone else. Yes, I avoid my family a lot. That’s only because I can’t handle the mixture of emotions, the sadness, and even the happiness. On Sundays, just the opening of the Bible makes me cringe or every time someone tries to give me advice deep in depth from the Bible, my mind screams, curses, and yells uncontrollably. It’s as if there is another person inside me trying to get out but I always stuff it back in from fear of what might happen if I do. I feel as if my heart hangs from an old, worn piece of string. Add an extra weight or touch the string and my heart will drop to my stomach. Scars mark my brain to remind me of all the pain and suffering that I have been through. No one knows any of this, only myself, as far as I know.

Every day before my leave, I inspected the nail marks in my arm. They were deep marking that had blood crusted over them; ten total. In the morning, when I ate breakfast, I was as silent as the dead and so was my cousin. When my parents, uncle, and aunt came out to eat breakfast, I would lay back on the couch. If someone came into the room, I would hide because I had no intention of confronting anybody. When the person finally left, I would lay back on my couch and fiddle with my thumbs. For lunch and dinner, I brought my food to the couch before eating; the table had become my enemy. The days were long and boring but one way or another, I got through them without a word to my parents.

The night before I would leave to my week’s training, I got a visitor. My breathing was low and quiet; nothing else was heard around the house as I slept. Suddenly, I felt something touching me. My eyes snapped open and I nearly began to panic. I hadn’t been touched since my mother latched onto me. I was relieved when I saw that it was my cousin. My head fell back into the pillows and I hoped for one last long sleep before I had drills.

Author's Note

hope you liked it!