No Title*

No Title*

A Poem by Sbernie18

There was time, I had implied,
When twisted words and souls collide.
When thoughts behind the breaking dawn,
Brought words to life that we'd undone.
Like once before the echoes near.
I light the shadow and patrons sneer.
What words I joked and smile too,
I grinned and laughed, they never knew.
But you could see and promised me.
My burning youth that needed peace.
My lasting days of joy beneath.
You'd take to long I promise you,
But ill be there my thoughs peruse.
And then you'll see and look at me,
And trust me when we want to be
Its not that easy I have to say,
But that's why dreamings just the start.

© 2011 Sbernie18


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Featured Review

Sbernie18,

This love poem promises that love until the time ceases to exist... your rhyming worked very well... as did the emotion.

We have all felt that sensation - I think; we can relate to the magnitude and the echoes, the burn of youth and the peace that special person brings.

It is most wonderful, the feeling and even more - the readers own personal experience that caresses your poem.

The abrupt ending being the start is creative, throws me off center a bit, yet creative. In addition, there are a few conjunctions I would remove, that’s just me though; I am the worst critic on conjunctions.

Great job~ a very touching poem.

Keep writing,

Legacy

*You may wish to submit this into the Poetic Infusion Society contest Love - if you have not submitted a poem yet.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love your poetry, but I do believe this
beautiful poem deserves a title.
Because it is quite a gem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


peruse- should be persue? Unless that's just a word I don't know, lol. Very nice poem and message.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sbernie18,

This love poem promises that love until the time ceases to exist... your rhyming worked very well... as did the emotion.

We have all felt that sensation - I think; we can relate to the magnitude and the echoes, the burn of youth and the peace that special person brings.

It is most wonderful, the feeling and even more - the readers own personal experience that caresses your poem.

The abrupt ending being the start is creative, throws me off center a bit, yet creative. In addition, there are a few conjunctions I would remove, that’s just me though; I am the worst critic on conjunctions.

Great job~ a very touching poem.

Keep writing,

Legacy

*You may wish to submit this into the Poetic Infusion Society contest Love - if you have not submitted a poem yet.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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3 Reviews
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Added on August 2, 2011
Last Updated on August 2, 2011

Author

Sbernie18
Sbernie18

Syracuse, NY



About
Hey, I'm from Syracuse. I write poetry, lyrics, a few short stories and longer stuff. I try to be as active as possible and review what I can. I love reading new poems and stories everyday so send me .. more..

Writing
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