prologue: concern

     I watch over man, i have watched over man for millennia, I  held my sword towards my brother for man, and removed my brother for man, I wait for the end to come so I may save man from themselves. Something is going on in the realm of man. There is a darkness, it seems to come in like thick fog contaminated  by their hearts, mind , and even spirits.My brother saw no purpose to save these frail creatures that father has created. but all i see is more reasons to save them. if we were to leave them be, they will destroy each other. Mankind are pitiful creatures indeed but there bonds pulls them out of the fog. I admire that quality of man and I love them for it. I need to look after them like the oldest looks after the younger siblings.

 

      Darkness seems to follow one of these creatures more than most; Ramona Reyes. I have watched this woman over the past twenty years, watched her grow. she has made her share of mistakes like all of man has. I see light in her emerald eyes... yet the darkness... the fog emanates from her...why? Is he: my brother...the fallen one doing this? Iknow not but cannot watch and wait any longer I must speak with father. but i worry about her; this woman with pale skin, died ebony hair, lipstick, nail polish, eye shadow, eyeliner pierced lips something man refers to as spider bites, her pierced ears each one of the piercings start from the lobe and go up, her black sleeveless punk shirt, and plaid skirt with greens,blacks and reds, black stockings and her female  high heel punk boots.

 

     As i head towards the courtroom with the Seraphim and Cherubim I contemplate how i will ask for such a request. I, the most trusted of the Arcanus Angelo. Will father think I am walking down the wrong path. but someone broke my concentration the youngest of the arcanus angelo. "Hey mikey what's crackin'? It look's like your thinking too hard again you should learn to lighten up man?" said Gabriel, he had medium short black,hair with deep blue eyes, wore black slacks, with a navy blue sleeveless and black wrist braces with ebony wings upon his back, and black dress shoes. he was the least serious of the angelo let alone Arcanus Angelo. but when father was feeling down he always brought up his spirits playing his harp. one of many instruments he and his twin sister were able to play.

 

      "I am preparing myself to ask father for a favor," I responded so he would leave me be. "Really? Well I'll walk with you bro." Gabriel was the second most important member of the the arcanus angelo. Gabriel was fathers left hand and my second in command.  We walked to the throne room when we entered the throne doors opened, a blinding light flashed as we entered. The throne room was large enough to fit a small city in  and the king of this land... father stood like a patrayel of Zeus large and the size of man's sky scrapers. "Father I have come with a request,"I stated as I bowed my head. "I know what you have come for; the fog is concerning you is it not? Worry not for I shall grant you my blessing to pass through the Geddon gate," His large voice echoed in the golden halls. I was overjoyed at the statement. "Thank you father," I shot up in excitement. "Of course I trust you my son, you are the general of our army Arcanus Angelo Michael. "A shout came from the open hallway and another came forth "This is an outrage you want to help the foolish humans," came a shout of anger incarnate. I turned and it was my brother Uriel Arcanus Angelo of divine punishment.   

Author's Note

here is my prologue sorry ity took a while

Reviews

[Spookers]

-"it seeems to come in like thick fog contaminated by there hearts". Too many e in "seems" and "their" instead of "there".
-"they are pitiful creatures indeed but there bonds pulls them out of the fog." "Their" instead of "there" and remove the "s" from "pulls" or "bonds". You can't have two plurals next to each other.
-"but i worry about her. this woman with pale skin, died ebony hair, lipstick, nail polish, eye shadow, eyeliner peirced lips something man refers to as spider bites, her peirced ears each one of the peircing start from the lobe and go up, her black sleethless punk shirt, and plaid skirt with greens,blacks and reds, black stockings and her female high heel punk boots." This is a major run-on sentence and it's "pieced" not "peirced" ("i" before "e" except after "c"). And "sleeveless" not "sleethless".
-"As i head towards the court room with the seraphim and cherubim i contemplate how i will ask for such a request. Put are "," between "Cherubim" and "I".
-""hey mikey whats up? look like your thinking too hard again you should learn to lighten up man?"". "Looks" instead of just "look". And I would put a "." between "again" and "you". Put a "," between "up" and "man".
-"he was the least serious of the angelo let alone Arcanus Angelo.". Put a "," between "angelo" and "let". You need to decide whether "Angelo" is going to be capitalized or not and stick with it.
-"so we walked to the throne room when the throne doors opened an blinding light flashed and we entered." Put a "." "room" and "when". "a" instead of "an"(an goes before vowel sounds). I would put "as we entered" instead of "and we entered".
-"the throne room was large enought to fit a small city in and the king of this land... father stood like a patrayel of zeus large and the size of man's sky scrapers." "Enough" does not have a "t" on the end :p. Take out the "and" before "the king of this land" and put a "." to start a new sentence so you do not have a run-on sentence. "patrayel" is spelled wrong (I do not know the actual way to spell it. I even tried to google it and had no luck). "Zeus" should be capitalized since it is a name.
-"i turned and it was my brother Uriel arcanus angelo of divine punishment." You should put a "," on either side of "Uriel".

This sounds interesting, and I can't wait to read more. I am curious as to what this fog is. I also enjoy read about angels and other supernatural things. Over all, I would work on capitalizing, and, when describing things, I would try not to make them run-on sentences.

[tyokon]

hello, i liked the story. I've never read underworld type fiction like this, but it is pretty interesting. I liked the punk description of the female, i figure there will be a love story there. The transition at the end was good. Left me thinking Who is Uriel.

[_]

OH SHNAP THAT GIRL SOUNDED BADASS...to me...then again I'm the biggest nerd sooo....anything seems badass compared to me haha. But still! AND YES HE WANTS TO HELP THE FOOLISH HUMANS! GAWD! *turns around and walks into wall* Ow! Seee? *spits out knocked out tooth* We can't function well! WOOH!!!!!!! Teach me how to walk correctly! FOR HUMANITY!!!!! and oooooh the punishment guy mmm......*Runs away and bangs into door* AW D****T! *rubs heads and storms out*

[Treston Seek]

Yey! lol that was amazing chris!

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Interesting so far! Can't wait to see more!