Prologue

Revenant code: prologue

          “She was your sister d****t, your sister!” Perseus cried out to Wyatt. “I know which is why she was perfect for the ritual I must perform to gain immortality. It was all too easy; all I had to do is sell my soul to lord Diablis. In order to complete the ritual I had to sacrifice one who is pure and untouched by man. My sister was the obvious candidate for this little ritual. I needed the blood of a virgin.” Wyatt said with a perverse smile upon his face. 

Perseus could not look away from the corpse of his beloved. The woman was lifeless in a thick pool of blood. Perseus was on his knees as if he was pleading to Wyatt to revive her. Unfortunately he knew by the lifelessness of her eyes that she was long gone from this world. Perseus’ eyes ran with tears. The tears he shed ran down his hard leather armor like a waterfall down limestone in the east. 

Perseus’ long sword was off to his side. It was sheathed in  a leather sheath and locked down by a single button, the sword was strapped to his back. Perseus dried his tears of sorrow from his face. He stood on his feet staring down at the ground trying to figure out why Wyatt his best friend would betray in such a way. 

Perseus unclipped the Zweihandler a great sword that was as long as his body. This sword was also wide it went from mid-shoulder to mid- shoulder. He threw the sheath off in the distance and held the sword with both hands. The look of that could match the ferocity of war. “Wyatt you are going to pay for this act of treachery,” he declared. 

The sky filled with darkness. Lightning danced around the village like dancers at a festival. Perseus looking around wondering what was going on. “What the hell is going on Wyatt?  What have you done?”  Perseus noticed something behind him. There were many red eyes coming from behind Wyatt. A strange man appeared from the darkness. The eyes he bore were actually on this man’s armor. “Nice work Wyatt Yamato, as I promised you shall receive immortality. 

"Wyatt you remember the second part of the deal corrects?” the armored man asked. “Yes, I must break the seal between this world of light and the world of darkness.”  Worry not lord Diablis. “Wait! Did you just say your name was?” “My name is Diablis fool! I am the lord of darkness.” Perseus was shocked at the response. 

“This man is the dark lord Diablis the king of the devils?” he thought to himself. 

Diablis had medium silver hair. His armor was black as the deepest darkness on a new moon. He had many different red eyes on this armor. There was an eye on the shoulder guards, the middle of the chest plate, one on each knee, he has a ebony circlet witch kept his hair from falling into his face that also has an eye in the middle. Every single eye was staring Perseus down. The armor almost looked as if it were breathing. Perseus was terrified of this man for the first time in his life he felt true terror. Just residing off of him like sweat on a humid day. “This man is a monster”, he thought to himself.

          “It is time Wyatt Yamato, to receive the power you have been promised. Soon Wyatt’s shadow covered him in the darkest of black mist. “What the hell is going on?” Perseus was bewildered on what was happening. The black mist cleared and what he saw was not his best friend but something else entirely. 

Wyatt had a long black coat with four skull buttons already buttoned. He wore black slacks and dress boots. He also had white dress gloves that a gentlemen would wear. His hair was still tied in a ponytail. But his banes were silver and the rest was black. Wyatt unsheathed his katana. The katana broke a part, handle and all. When the handle shed it was made of black demonic bones. Wyatt’s skin was pale and his eyes were red with the contempt of the devil himself. “What the hell did you do to yourself Wyatt?” Perseus pleaded “Wyatt? Wyatt was weak I no longer answer to such a name. From this point forth I am Wraith.”

          “Wraith, like an evil spirit huh? Good than I no longer have to hold back. I am going to kill you and avenge Yuriko!” Perseus yelled out. Perseus went in to a full charge. He shifted his sword off to the side. To performed horizontal cut. The edge of the sword connected with Wraith’s shoulder. Wraith disappeared than reappeared back to back to Perseus. Perseus tuned his head wondering how the hell he did that. 

“Missing something?” 

Perseus felt the swords weight take over and hit the ground. His left shoulder started to hurt so bad  Perseus began to cringed. Wraith had his own bladeless  hilt  in his right and an arm in his left. Perseus looked towards the pain only to figure out that Wraith had his arm. Perseus dropped the sword to apply pressure to his left armless shoulder. “D****t, I do not know how you did it Wraith but, you have my arm. What the ‘hell’ are you?”

           "I am a revenant Knight now. We are undead soldiers that serve lord Diablis. We are the law in Necronomica the realm of darkness. When we sell our souls we gain not only immortality but some extra bonus's old friend. I have obtained incredible speed and precision.” He said gloriously. 

“Right…” Perseus grabbed his sword but before he could swing. Then, he felt a sharp pain in his stomach and heard the ranting of many damned souls. These voices were so loud it was like was in a busy city on the day of a festival. He could not ignore the pain any longer. He looked down at a translucent blade. Perseus slowly backed away from it sliding off the blade.  Perseus was coughing up blood do to internal bleeding. The blade was a strange katana. It was saw-toothed with a long sickle like prong on the end of the blade.  

wraith's blade was blood red and thousands’ of souls cried out. The prong towards the end was on both top and bottom on the tip of this blade this is our weapon Perseus the ghost blade. Ten thousand souls are needed for such a blade. You would only be in my way Perseus so I am sending you to the abyss of the underworld.” That moment he fell in a rift. He wasn’t thinking about what happened to him but, instead only if he would have been there a little sooner he could have saved Yuriko. “Forgive me, I couldn’t protect you my love, Yuriko…”

Author's Note

you know what to do.

Reviews

[Dark Rose]

“I know which is why she was perfect for the ritual I must perform to gain immortality. It was all too easy; all I had to do is sell my soul to Lord Diablis. (The word "Lord" should be capitalized because it is naming a certain Lord. If you had just used the word lord without anything else linked to it then there would be no need for capitalization. “I know, which is why she was perfect for the ritual I must perform to gain immortality." (In this sentence the word know is in an element of a series therefore a comma is needed to separate the word know and which.) In order to complete the ritual, I had to sacrifice one who is pure, and untouched by man.
(As stated above the words ritual, and pure are elements in a series therefore they require a comma.) My sister was the obvious candidate for this little ritual, because I needed the blood of a virgin. (these two sentences alone are sentence fragments therefore because is needed to complete the sentence.)Unfortunately, he knew by the lifelessness of her eyes that she was long gone from this world. (unfortunately is a transition so it needs to have a comma in it.)He stood on his feet staring down at the ground trying to figure out why Wyatt, his best friend, would betray him in such a way. (in this sentence Wyatt and friend are an element in a series therefore it needs a comma. The word betray is missing a word so adding the word him will complete the sentence and provide clearer meaning.)The sky was filled with darkness. (The meaning in this sentence is unclear so adding the word was would clear the meaning.)Wyatt you remember the second part of the deal correct?
(Corrects is not a word so the s needs to be removed)The man had medium silver hair. His armor was black as the deepest darkness on a new moon. He had many different red eyes on this armor. There was an eye on the shoulder guards, the middle of the chest plate, one on each knee, he has a ebony circlet witch kept his hair from falling into his face that also has an eye in the middle. (Instead of writing this as many sentences, this can be written as one sentence to portray to the reader what is being described.) Perseus was terrified of this man, and for the first time in his life, he felt true terror. (the meaning of this sentence is unclear so the word and needs to be added as well as a comma separating the elements.) Just residing off of him like sweat on a humid day. (This sentence is a sentence fragment and needs to be revised). “This man is a monster” (These are the man's thoughts so they should be in Italics.) “It is time Wyatt Yamamoto, to receive the power you have been promised." (A quotation mark needs to be added)Perseus was bewildered by what was happening. (the word on should be changed to by)He had a long black coat with four skull buttons already buttoned. He wore black slacks and dress boots. He also had fingerless white dress gloves that gentlemen would wear. His hair was still tied in a ponytail. But his banes were silver and the rest was black. (This should be written as one sentence)He shifted his sword off to the side. To performed horizontal cut. (fragment) (wait should be weight) (10,000 should be written out, not portrayed as numbers)

[Tamelia Jade]

Forgive me if this seems rude, but I felt the need to point it out!
- “She was your sister d****t, your sister!” Perseus cried out to Wyatt. “I know which is why..."
The sentences spoken by the two different people should really be separated and placed on a different line.
“She was your sister d****t, your sister!” Perseus cried out to Wyatt.
“I know which is why..."
I don't know if you meant it or not, so I just thought I should point it out but you also changed fonts.
There were a few other issues, but I'll move on. Your dialogue was fantastic and, despite the fact that I don't much about the characters so far, they were very interesting and engaging.
They sounded cool looking too, always a bonus ^.^ I definitely can't wait to see where you go with this! :)

[PokemonFan#1]

Magnificent Prolouge! Keep it up!

[Margarette]

Great chapter and I'm glad I learned about some myths here. This story reminds me of an RPG game which might turns out good. Hoping to read the next!

[Esana Bridges]

My major thing --> paragraphs, please (like after the speaker transitions). I thought the dialogue was a bit dramatic, but appropriate for the situation and pretty believable. Also, when portraying Perseus' thoughts, try not to start the sentence with "He" so much. Just say the thought or rephrase it a little so it doesn't get repetitive (ex: For his last thought: If only he had been there a little sooner, he could have saved Ichirako.)

I like how you set this up to be a perfect revenge story. I look forward to it.

[C.A.Jordon]

Thanks for the support. I am really proud of this story. PZW.

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Dark and lovely!!! :)

[Dark Rose]

Continuing on from my earlier review: the dialogue was very emotional. I felt as if I was watching a movie from the middle ages. As mentioned above the style flattered the setting of the book. I like the use of suspense in the story.

[C.A.Jordon]

thanks that is exactly what i was looking for. i want to officially publish this story. next time also tell me waht you liked about or disliked about dalogue, style ect. it was very constuctive.