THE DYING MESSAGE

THE DYING MESSAGE

A Story by CAPOLAVORO
"

The result of divorce.

"
My throat ached for air as sweat roll down my forehead. My feet won't stop running and I wouldn't want it to stop either.  I can hear my heart pounding so hard and I couldn't care less. I've been running for an hour now with fear on my mind. Physical limits came in and I fell down. With heavy breathing I tried to look up for hope. There is none, not even a starry sky. All I see are tree branches. Some with leaves and some not. They all look like dreadful arms trying to reach for my life. My head aches so much that I could not bare the pain anymore. The pain and bruises I have from the scratch of tree branches and falling down is hurting a lot that causes me to close my eyes for a moment while beads of water freely fall down my eyes.
I just might die in this forest after all.

"Rica darling, can you come here for a moment? Daddy and I need to tell you something." Mom sounds calm but she cannot hide the guilt.

I am hesitant to go near. I heard things like this happen to my friends and classmates but never expected for it to happen to my family as well. My father is sitting at the other end of the sofa, he's clasping and squeezing his hands with head down. I believe he is somewhat crying but never heard a sound. Mom is sitting on the other end with some bags and belongings around her. She tried to smile and wait as I slowly walk towards her. 

It doesn't take a minute to hear from my mom's mouth the reason for her calling. Divorce. I heard the word but never knew the real meaning until now. I don't know what to feel since everything happens fast. After mom explained everything, I was left sitting on the sofa while mom carries all her things and dad tries stopping her at the door. Dad fails to stop her. He always fail.

Everything change since then. I was just nine years old when mom and dad decided to have a divorce. Mom found another man to be with, said he don't love my dad anymore. She left me under the care of my dad. I grew up being told by my dad always that I am like my mom. A b***h, a s**t, or a w***e. Dad was never the same, he always come home drunk. He would sometimes hit me but I get used to it. I never finished schooling and decided to take care of him and help him pay debts. Debts that wouldn't have happened if mom stayed home.

Until one day, Dad got a fight with someone. That someone came into our house and killed him. I saw dad's throat being slashed five to six times. Blood coming out from his neck as tears fall down from my eyes. I managed to ran away from the house. I have nowhere else to go to for help. I then remembered an address. One of the letters my mom sent me.

I opened my eyes wide. I can't die. I just can't. I just realize I was unconscious for a moment and I am back on my feet. The bruises still hurts but I need to keep running till I get to mom's house.

As I reached mom's house the door was purposely open. I was shocked with everything that I saw. Things scattered all around. It was like a burglar came into the house. 

"Mom? .. Mom? It's me Rica, are you there?" I tried calling but no answer.

"Mom, I'm going up okay?" I went upstairs to her bedroom and I was blown away by the image.

Mom is on the floor with a pool of blood. "Mom?! Mom?! wake up! Mom?! Please.. open your eyes mom!" I was crying and shouting on the top of my lungs. It's no use, her pulse is gone. 

My emotions are mixed with fear, sadness, and anger. I search for meaning until I saw a piece of paper on the side of mom's body. A name is written on it with blood. Finally, her dying message to identify the killer.

The name written is. 

RICA


© 2017 CAPOLAVORO


Author's Note

CAPOLAVORO
I really want to try thrills and I hope you all like it. I did my best on this one. :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Often, thriller stories sound like they are going to be a thriller story. But your story sounds so true-to-life, I thought this was going to be a story about a true divorce situation. Your storytelling is well done with clarity & understanding of the divorce situation. Gradually this story becomes more crazy-sounding, like it begins to sound like a thriller. And then the ending, of course, is nicely bloody & stark. Good action thru-out. This is a damn good attempt at a thriller story, if it's really your first time!

One thing that makes a thriller "sound" like a thriller early in the story is that there are usually descriptions that sound a little bit too creepy for real life. Not a bunch of this, but just little hints here & there. It's foreshadowing. We get the idea that something bad is coming, becuz of these images of dire details. For example, if you start the story by describing how the sunrise was blood red this morning, with scarlet drips to the horizon. Something like this is a hint about how this story will be bloody. These are some of the tricks of writing thrillers. Keep going, you're doing well!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Barley girl. :) I will try next time then.



Reviews

Very good! It is a totally unexpected ending but I'm not sure that it is clear. If there is just a name on the paper how do we know what she was going to write - it might have been 'Rica, I love you'. I can see that there are quite a few small mistakes but I am guessing that english is not your first language so very well done. You should find that spelling and grammar problems are highlighted as you type in. You might like to read my story 'Nemesis' which has a very similar ending.
All the best,
Alan

Posted 2 Years Ago


Often, thriller stories sound like they are going to be a thriller story. But your story sounds so true-to-life, I thought this was going to be a story about a true divorce situation. Your storytelling is well done with clarity & understanding of the divorce situation. Gradually this story becomes more crazy-sounding, like it begins to sound like a thriller. And then the ending, of course, is nicely bloody & stark. Good action thru-out. This is a damn good attempt at a thriller story, if it's really your first time!

One thing that makes a thriller "sound" like a thriller early in the story is that there are usually descriptions that sound a little bit too creepy for real life. Not a bunch of this, but just little hints here & there. It's foreshadowing. We get the idea that something bad is coming, becuz of these images of dire details. For example, if you start the story by describing how the sunrise was blood red this morning, with scarlet drips to the horizon. Something like this is a hint about how this story will be bloody. These are some of the tricks of writing thrillers. Keep going, you're doing well!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Barley girl. :) I will try next time then.
Bone chilling stuff! The intensity simmers and continues to rise until the end. This is straight up wicked. Great work!

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Wicked as it is, thank you a lot for the review duff. ;)
duff

3 Years Ago

You bet! Nice job
Wow... That was a reversal of thought... Damn... Brutal, Rica... Brutal as hell... Twistingly penned...

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Lol. Oh yeah.. That's how I love it. Thank you for the reaction. Totally made me happy. :)
I really liked the story, especially the twist in the end when the real murderer of her parents is revealed. Besides the grammatical errors, you did a fantastic job! (I'm guessing English isn't your first language?)

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Yeah English is definitely not but I do try hard to use it as it is the universal langauage and in o.. read more
You did very well. A intense ride in the story. I like the realistic feel and the strong ending. You create strong characters and strong story line. A amazing short story my friend.
Coyote

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Cayote. :)
Coyote Poetry

3 Years Ago

You are welcome dear friend.
This is really good! thrilling and exciting!
Psychotic story with a twist! honestly towards the ends as I read: A name is written on it with blood. Finally, her dying message to identify the killer.

The name written is.

RICA

Gave me goosebumps!
You did a great job writing this one!

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Joey. Your reaction is what I aim for. Glad you liked it. :)
Joey Nizz

3 Years Ago

You are very much welcome! ^^
Rica killed her mom? i think also her dad.

So good

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Abraham. :) You got it right. :) A total psycho..
THIS WAS AMAZInG !!! Really well written !!

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Pia. :)
That was fast paced, emotional and heart-wrenching!
Well done, keep it up

Posted 3 Years Ago


CAPOLAVORO

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Mr. Writer. Glad you liked it. :)

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

418 Views
11 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 26, 2017
Last Updated on July 15, 2017
Tags: #killing, #mystery

Author

CAPOLAVORO
CAPOLAVORO

Cebu, 7, Philippines



About
My life is average. My heart is average. My pulse is average. My mind is average. You might think I am an average girl then? My hopes are supreme My dreams are extreme My writes are creativ.. more..

Writing
TIME TIME

A Poem by CAPOLAVORO



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Raging Eagle.. Raging Eagle..

A Poem by Surya


Am Blind... Am Blind...

A Poem by Surya