Rain in Paradise

A humorous jibe into relationships.

Dark clouds form over the island

Where a couple reside

Usually peacefully

As they watch the out-going tide

 

They haven’t seen clouds like this

As they start rolling in

The man looked up solemnly

“I think a storm’s brewing”

 

Usually cloudless

Paradise lay at their feet

Orange-red glow of sunsets

After a day in the heat

 

Golden beach miles long

Waves crashing on the shore

They had each other

They didn’t need much more

 

Boom! Thunder cracked

As lightning struck the bay

The man jumped back

Moving out of its way

 

The waves grew fierce

The rain bucketed down

The tide was high

The man was sure to drown

 

He ran to safety

Sheltered from the storm

Then he came to realize

It was his woman, scorned

 

...Sometimes it rains in paradise...

Author's Note

I sat and sat and sat, trying to write an emotionally releasing piece for two days whilst there was a storm coming then going with small moments of reprieve in my house. I stared at the screen, I wrote and deleted, I tried to vent... but instead I gave up and wrote this instead. Feel free to comment :)

Reviews

[Chris]

Things and emotions get confusing at times. Vents become rants, then guilts, then confessions and then silence as we work it to the point of letting go. This was to your Author's note.

This is to the poem - Clarity helps define what we want to say the most. I didn't laugh, I merely understood.

[DJ]

Thank you so much Chris :)

[PANTHER811]

" rain bucketed down" one of many, but most memorable. There are times when "yes dear' just don't hack it. Hang on tight and try begging. Great write, good luck. Tom

[London's Lily]

ahaha! Clever! Great job painting the imagery, telling the story, and revealing the twist ~ love it!


It's always wise to be aware when a storm is brewing ;)

[DJ]

It certainly is Lily, TAKE COVER lol!

[Hana Saemon]

haha i bet your partner killed you for this. LOL. totally love the surprise at the end! good sense of humour. :)

[DJ]

Haha she would if she could!!! LOL. Thank you, glad you enjoyed it :)

[Hana Saemon]

i think she did. you have 8 more lives left dude. XD XD XD

[steppenwolf]

Lovely imagery! I like the rain "bucketing down."

[DJ]

Thank you so much :)

[Heather Burns]

this poem is written with a lot of good imagery. Not often is there a storm i paradise. it draws the reader into it.

[DJ]

Thank you so much Heather. Luckily there isn't many storms in my paradise either, it is rare that I need to find cover from a woman scorned :)

[Jennifer Rai]

i really enjoyed the poem. great imagery and the comic timing totally unexpected yet briliant. I felt a connection with this piece of writing maybe because i am from a Island Nation myself. Awesome work.

Love it...

[DJ]

Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm glad you liked it. I actually thought this one wasn't that good out of all my writes, but its nice to know that it is liked and enjoyed by others. Ohhh nice! I bet its lovely living on an island. My mind often wanders to such places, as I am stuck in a hospital room. Thank you for reviewing :)

[Katho28]

wow the use of imagery in this poem is breathtaking... i really enjoyed the poem. I felt as though I was a part of the setting, that I was really there, watching the storm brewing... and to top it all off, the ending was really unexpected. i love the last line, makes me think and reflect on what i've just read. great read.

[DJ]

Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Katho28]

You're welcome. You did a great job :) Pleasure to read.

[Tom]

'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' ...is a well used cliche and you further enhance this belief with your excellent poem !

Well penned !

[DJ]

Very very true my friend! Thank you so much :)

[Broken Wings]

Haha! What did you do to make the woman angry? I like the humor in this, had a good laugh at the end. Watch out for a woman scorned, we can be terrifying when we need to be :P Hope the storm has passed and paradise has returned to a pleasant place of peace and sunshine. Nice comment on relationships.

[DJ]

Haha, I didn't have to do anything, it was just tiredness and stress mainly :p I'm innocent you see haha. Thank you for your review and yes paradise is restored :D *phew*