In Between... (Senryu)

Inspirations from a cancer ward

skeletal bodies

c strips through tormented souls

both alive and dead

Author's Note

My first attempt at a senryu, trying something new that I have never done before. All reviews are welcome.

Reviews

[Broken Wings]

It took me some time to figure out this piece, I struggled to know what you meant by both dead and alive. Then I realized you meant the skeletal bodies are tormented by C while their alive and the ones who have passed? Am I right? What an interesting piece. Can't say that I have read too many haiku and senryu yet, but this has made me want to read some. I like how strong and sad the message is and its only 3 lines. Great work Cairo.

[DJ]

Thank you Broken Wings, yup you got it. I think its left open for interpretation as it is supposed to be short and make people think. This is my first one though, so it isn't too hard to understand :)

[London's Lily]

You were able to tell a powerful story in so few words ~ excellent, Cairo!

[DJ]

Thank you Lily, it was my first attempt. I'm really not sure what I am doing trying senryu hahaharead moreThank you Lily, it was my first attempt. I'm really not sure what I am doing trying senryu hahaha

[Chris]

You managed quite well - format wise. The thought content was well expressed.

[DJ]

Thank you Chris, I appreciate you dropping by my friend :)

[Clockwork]

I'd say that this is a good topic for your first senryu, and I think that you depict the atmosphere of the cancer ward very well. Also, I liked the fast that you tried something new in doing one of these. I think there is a lot of value in writing haiku and senryu because the form requires clear vision. Well done here.

[DJ]

Thank you Clockwork, I'm glad that you liked it. I am trying to learn new skills and expand my writing styles. Thanks for stopping by and commenting my friend :)

[Clockwork]

You're welcome :-)

[Heather Burns]

a nice senryu. your syllable is correct, good work

[DJ]

Thank you Heather :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

It really hits home Cairo.. watching so many people fighting to live.. C is such an ugly beast. Just a couple hints on these types of writing (haiku, senryu) no caps and no punctuation. *smiles*

[DJ]

Aww Lori you are a gem! Thank you for your advice and your review. Always a pleasure hearing what you have to say :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

beautiful! and you are most welcome dear.. you will be a seasoned 5/7/5 poet in no time =)

[DJ]

I hope so :) it'll take practice, but everything good does, doesn't it.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Indeed it does, dear.. and it's always worth it =)