A Poem by Caladoscope

Oophorectomy 11 years ago. Bilateral Mastectomy 1 year ago.

I looked in the mirror tonite
I thought I looked alright
At First

I made a mistake and looked again
And there they were looking back at me with disdain
I felt cursed

My body and I have never been friends
Never thin enough to fit the current trends
It is broken

I got sick all the time when I was small
Illness hung over my shoulders like a malevolent shawl
An understanding unspoken

Endometriosis hit first with operations and pain
Got so bad kinda made me insane
It took time to get pregnant. Hard to conceive
All the scar tissue from endometrial surgeries. Made it hard to believe
That I could ever have my Beautiful One.

Scars from taken ovaries. No more babies for me
Scar from the emergency C Section that saved my baby
Three scars now and more to come

Cancer hit next and I pretended to be brave
3 different kinds on one side. Not much left to save
Had to let them both go. Not a lot of fun.

No reconstruction. I am weary of hospital rooms
They're cold, scared and sad. Sterile little tombs
Filled with frightened faces

So it's just me and my scars
My personal prison with missing body parts as bars
I am learning that they need love. They need my deep embraces.

I will try to love my body that keeps trying to die
I will try to love what's left of it and try not to wonder why
My Brazilian kisses my scars every night

And I hold on to him tight

And I try to truly know that everything will be alright

© 2015 Caladoscope

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Added on April 17, 2015
Last Updated on April 17, 2015
Tags: breast cancer, endometriosis, femininity



Culver City, CA

I am a Kick A*s Breast Cancer Wonder Woman who has an equally Kick A*s Man by Her side. We also have 2 Warriors with us. 2 Incredible Boys. more..