Gasper

Attack.

Violently constricted

By the

Beast.

His face

Parallel.

Jaw open wide.

The creature

Pulls

Air

From my 

Lungs.

Consuming it as

Appetizer. 

Preparing for the main.

I feel impotent,

Weak.

But I

Fight.

Refusing to succumb. 

Put a pen

Through.

Its.

Throat.

The 

Monster is

Afraid of thorns.

It leaves,

But will return.

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

"jaw wide open" instead of "jaw open wide"

it's tastier that way. I swear.

At you...

"As an appetizer" add the "as"... trust me dawg... it's better that way. I promise.

You must fix the ending... this ends in an unsatisfactory way.

Show me some bite, you've promised teeth but all I see is nips...

End with power... furious absolute.. "f**k you! this is my end!"..... in your own words of course.

It can be soft it can be hard but god f*****g damn it make a statement. (fyi... I didn't really like the ending so much)

[The Poet of Black Wings]

But it is not my end. It's theirs. no matter what i do.

[Davidgeo]

I'm speaking from an entirely mechanical perspective... the essence of your message is not in question. Just how you hammer it home. The closer... the last line. Needs force, it's important. I think so anyway.

[The Poet of Black Wings]

it must linger. like it's inspiration. it's a reflection. it's real.
Still thinking about those other two things though. not sure if i'll make any changes, because, well, I try very hard to make sure grammar knows i'm not it's b***h. English needs taught a lesson.

[Davidgeo]

So it must. I look forward to the lessons of language that you teach the English. (FYI - nothing's real)

[Davidgeo]

Nope... certainly not here... (fyi- it aint real)

[Davidgeo]

"jaw wide open" is like, 8 times better..