No Man's Land

No Man's Land

A Story by Cameron Griffith
"

Mans desperation for his loved ones.

"
The man feels his wife's soft touch on his shoulder. He rolls over on the ragged spring loaded bed to face her. He combs his fingers lightly through her sandy hair and kisses her forehead delicately. The wife pushes her head into his chest, and he wraps his arm around her tightly. After a few moments of silence the wife mumbled into his chest. The man asked her to repeat - she repeats it, the man pauses for a moment, looks at his wife smiles and kisses her again.
The man feels the knobby stick poking his shoulder. He rubs his eyes, stands up from the rugged ground and walks over and sits on the tree stub. Sitting in silence, the mans eyes begin to fill with tears, he wipes them from his eyes with his blood stained hands. He looks around and then looks down at his beat up hiking bag laying down on the ground. He scratches his beard, spits on the ground, stands up, walks to the bag and puts it on his back.
Fidgeting his knee, the man sitting anxiously, cannot wait any longer outside of the hospital room. He wants to barge into the room see his wife, and his new born daughter. He remember the day his wife told him of the news of their soon to be daughter. From that day on he could not wait any longer to hold this precious beauty in his hands. He could imagine it the eyes staring up at him in awe, the little hands clinched in a fist, and a cute little nose. The door opened and the doctor came out and waved the man in. He stood up in a hurry and walked in the the room, his wife laying there in the bed with tears in her eyes. The man starts to tear up too, walking up to her she held her in her arms. The wife handed the man the baby, the man held the baby tenderly in his arms.
Walking down the cracked blood stained road, the man knew he only had a few miles to go before he would them. The world now is lost, no law, no government, most things are destroyed, families have to fight for themselves. Food is scarce, murder is prominent. The man lost his wife and six year old daughter to a group of men. They took them from him, he knows the raped both of them, and left them to die somewhere in this dying world. The man knew no way to fight them, he had to gun, no knife, all he had was his anger and his old hikers backpack. 
The man pauses in the middle of the road. He walks over to a destroyed car and sits on the hood and stares further off into the distance and sees his destination. He takes his beanie off and scratches his head. The man puts his beanie back on and stands up reaches into his pocket and feels the cold metal in there. He takes his hand out of his pocket and forges on. 
The man started to walk into the rough crumbled hideout. Looking around men with guns are staring at him. The man knows he is out numbered but that does not matter, he wants them all to feel the heat of his anger. More men run out of buildings with guns pointing at him, screaming, and warning the man. The man reaches back into his pocket and pulls out the device. 
The wife and daughter, tied against a chair in a building. Three men with guns in the building with the wife trying to get her to stop crying, screaming. The wife though cannot, she sees her husband out the window surrounded by weapons. The daughter back against the wife looking confused as to why the mother is crying. Then a bright light, and loud noise consumed the dying planet. 

© 2014 Cameron Griffith


Author's Note

Cameron Griffith
ignore grammar problems.

My Review

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Featured Review

Beautiful yet very sad. I liked your usage of description and little details you included. That is something I always look for in a story. I was completely consumed by this and felt as if there should be more to this. I definitely got a movie scene in my head.

Great job, Cameron. You are very talented.


Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Cameron Griffith

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much, makes me really happy you liked this. And thank you for taking the time to read.. read more



Reviews

I liked the way it combines both aspects of love and destruction into one feel of the situation ... as if to say ... do I want to do this? And thereafter the way it extends into a total view of life is quite a grasp of issues.

Posted 8 Years Ago


A shocker for an ending, that's for sure! In the beginning it was a little tough to discern the flashbacks from the present day, but I figured it out all right. Nice write!

Posted 8 Years Ago


A great descriptive piece. I like the way it goes down a dark corridor. A powerful story. Top man

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow. The story takes on such a huge turn. I really like all the details . You do a really great job of character development. You definitely drew me in . Great job!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ah, what a way to start off my day. Well where to start? The imagery is amazing your use of description is amazing. I almost cried along with them. I saw it so clearly and felt the emotions. Gosh this belongs in a movie. You've got real talent. I really wish this were a book I'd immerse myself in it completely. Nice work. Oy, I just read the featured review.. I feel like I copied but I've no idea what else to say.

Posted 9 Years Ago


wow this is heart wrenching. great short story!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Really interesting. I was able to see it all in my head which I always love it when any kind of writing allows me to do that. Good job! :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Consuming from the very beginning. You're an extremely talented writer, and can't wait to see what further works you will produce. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow. Ok. Wasn't expecting the ending. It started off as such a sweet story but gradually turned darker - which is great since the man's nice, calm life made the tragedy all the more potent.
I know you said to ignore grammar problems, but since I'm the tense nazi I want to point out that you do a some switching between the present tense - "The man feels his wife's soft touch..." - to past tense - "The wife pushed her head into his chest...". This kind of thing drives me crazy. Or it would if I were sane. Alright, moving on.
Besides the tense issue, I really loved this! I especially liked the line "...left them to die somewhere in this dying world." It really makes you think. And like Afraa pointed out, all the little details you include about the man make him a better character. I wish I knew more about him.
Hope to see some more writing from you soon! :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cameron Griffith

9 Years Ago

Wow, thank you so much, yeah rereading it I saw the past tense stuff, and I know its hard not to pic.. read more
Beautiful yet very sad. I liked your usage of description and little details you included. That is something I always look for in a story. I was completely consumed by this and felt as if there should be more to this. I definitely got a movie scene in my head.

Great job, Cameron. You are very talented.


Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Cameron Griffith

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much, makes me really happy you liked this. And thank you for taking the time to read.. read more

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Added on December 6, 2014
Last Updated on December 7, 2014


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