The Darkness That is Me.

I'm scared and I'm weak, I just want to scream-

I have fear in my thoughts and nightmares I dream.

I sit curled and alone at the edge of the room,

my identity is fading, my soul will die soon.

I feel lost and timid, the hauntings consume me-

I've succumb to the anguish, sorrow settles inside me.

I'm engulfed in shadows and burned by fires,

hidden in crowds of criminals and liars.

My body is smothered by weight on my shoulder-

My heart turns to ice, getting colder and colder.

My feet have grown tired from walking in stride,

I've become part of the blur, my name has died.

This state of darkness is a place I know well,

This is my world.. a living hell.

Author's Note

*any tips, recommendations and advice are greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

This piece to me speaks of the divided aspects of the social world we live in. Whether it is a lack of courage, or knowledge yet attained, or a rise or drop in faith for the self or in some higher power... The individual at times gets pulled into the maelstrom of societies masses. Being lost among those that other parts of society have already pre judged or assumed is this or that. I can relate to the feeling of isolation this brings on. It's as if the voice never reaches out beyond the garden gate and the vegitables are no longer growing.

May you find what you need to walk upon a path that is right for you.

Aaron

[Layley Lu]

You have expressed these feelings so well.
I like it because I relate so much. That you made it rhyme so tightly gave it an impact too, Almost like rap.
I don't have any tips or recommendations. I think it's very good. Direct, impassioned, deeply moving.

[MrOldFashioned]

no one is ever that weak, they're just scared of making the wrong decision. or so it seems.

[CaraLynn]

I agree that some are scared to the make the wrong decision. But can one really judge the strength of another?

[MrOldFashioned]

in some cases, depending on the situation. but of course, that's only an opinion, not a proven fact, eh?

[Lucien Maier]

you open up very well. Letting the reader in to your soul can be the hardest step.
I think a bit of formatting may make this read a bit smoother, excellent work.

[CaraLynn]

Thank you so much. I'll be continuing to add writing as often as I can so be sure to check back. I'm grateful for any feedback!

[J Todd Underhill]

I liked the piece but I have one suggestion in Lines 1/2, 7/8 and 9/10 if you are going to rhyme use perfect rhyme. the "S" on the end of dreams make it seem awkward. other than that it seems to be a good piece

[CaraLynn]

yes, i struggled with that. i'll take more time to find more appropriate words next time, thank you.

[gabrielle]

I’ve become part of the blur, my name has died. This is the most striking for me. It's so sad and haunting but nicely penned. I shall be going back to your page for your other writings. Happy new year!

[CaraLynn]

thank you so much! Happy New Year to you too!(:

[Mir]

I really actually liked this! You had a great rhyme scheme going! Great work! :)

[CaraLynn]

thanks so much! be sure to check back, I'll be adding more of my writing soon :)

[Mir]

Your welcome and I can't wait to read more!