01 ; "A Dream On The Sea"

01 ; "A Dream On The Sea"

A Chapter by Carcilia Ravencraft
"

The main character, Toube Rochwell, wishes to set sail and become a pirate. Can he handle the cruelty Captain Ross has in store for him?

"

 The sun was rising above the sails one cool autumn morning. All different types of vessels; and some only worthy of being called a boat, where tied up in the harbor. Fishing vessels, privately owned yachts, Vacationing ships from other parts of the world, & last but certainly not in the very least,  pirate ships. Now, Saint Clarissa isn't a pirate-welcoming harbor in the least,  but it cannot be helped, who would cross steel with a pirate? Not most; that's who.

 Not most would cross paths with a pirate either. And yet theirs still few foolish enough to venture out into the world and seek crewmanship. Toube Rochwell was one of those foolish ones. He'd been planning on setting out to sea ever since he was a young boy. For what reason is un-known. And today he goes walking to the harbor to fulfill his childhood dream. Yes, his shoulder-length, wavy sand-red hair frizzed in the salty and sticky air rolling off the sea into this small port. His skin deeply tanned from a life on the beach, and his forest green eyes shining with content excitement.

 His brown leather boots made a lovely click as he walked across the dock to see what kind of ships had rolled into Saint Clarissa over night. In his head he slowly went about, secretly inspecting the vessels; " 'Ol Chancey, Mary Lou, Luck of Clarissa... All Fishing vessels."  Toube sighed and turned on his heel, in despair, and ready to give up his life long dream. Yet just as he turned he heard from a ship, newly docking behind him, "Aye! Let's get ta' tha tavern! I wanna get me a few new crew and get offa this moss-covered rock!" Toube swiveled  around on the heels of his boots to see a sea-hardened captain and his crew tying up their vessel at the dock. "This could be it! After so long, I may actually belong to a crew!" Toube shouted in his head, and ducked behind a barrel as the Master of the ship noticed him as he walked onto the dock.

 As the captain payed his toll to the dock-keeper he gave his name for the records. "Captain Jaques Ross and the Gray Riff, how much'll it be o' dock here?" The captain, now specified as Captain Ross, asked and payed his fee and the Captain and his crew carried on to the pirates' tavern of Saint Clarissa. "I just have to follow them to the tavern!" Toube thought in excitement as he peeked over the barrel.

 The Captain and crew of the Gray Riff entered the tavern, and Toube soon followed after. The whole lot was a mess, it was. Empty kegs of rum where tossed aside and there where broken mugs scattered along the dusty floor of the tavern, along with a few patron's blood.  Captain Ross took his seat at a large table at the end of the tavern, his Lieutenant and Master sat on both sides of him. "Alright! Listen up if ya know whats good fer ya'!" Captain Ross shouted, his voice echoing through the tavern immediately after blanketed in silence. "My crew's lookin' fer some fresh meat to bring out to sea with us. Anyone willin'; get yer butt in line in fronta this table!"  


© 2010 Carcilia Ravencraft


Author's Note

Carcilia Ravencraft
I'm sorry my pirate grammar is so horrible. And yes, O.O Captain Ross is Irish

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Rae
Over all, it was good. Some mistakes here and there, but all in all it was nice. Here are some of your mistakes: You kept using "where" when you needed to use "were". And when they speak they get their own line, like so:

["Aye! Let's get ta' tha tavern! I wanna get me a few new crew and get offa this moss-covered rock!" Toube swiveled around on the heels of his boots to see a sea-hardened captain and his crew tying up their vessel at the dock.
"This could be it! After so long, I may actually belong to a crew!" Toube shouted in his head, and ducked behind a barrel as the Master of the ship noticed him as he walked onto the dock.]

See what I mean? Also, in the beginning, you used 'least' twice. Meaning, you used it one sentence after the other, like so:

[ "...last but certainly not in the very least, pirate ships. Now, Saint Clarissa isn't a pirate-welcoming harbor in the least..."]

Try to use different words that convey the same meaning like 'in the slightest' or something along those lines. Another problem, you sometimes capitalized when you shouldn't have, like so:

["Fishing vessels, privately owned yachts, Vacationing ships...."] In this quote, you capitalized the 'V' in 'Vacationing' when it wasn't necessary. I know I look like I'm being a B****, but I'm only trying to help. ~Kasi

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on September 18, 2010
Last Updated on September 18, 2010
Tags: 01, a, Dream, On, The, Sea


Author

Carcilia Ravencraft
Carcilia Ravencraft

nowhere, CA



About
I'm 15. I really suck at writing but I do it for fun so hang you. I mostly like to write about pirates, mythical creatures and places, and wild animals like wolves or foxes, so on and so forth. Music.. more..

Writing