Open Water

Thrown into the open water
With no one to guard my life
Freezing as ice, though fluid slashes around me
Not being able to see the bottom
To see what awaits me

Left with nothing but a name and pain
You gave me your pathetic problems
And I gave you my life jackets to bring you back to shore
Now I wished I had saved some for me
For this painful loneliness so I can swim to live.

But I am a fighter
As I swim your waves push me under
Tossing me around and bringing me down
Once, Twice, Three times
That's all it takes for me to give up

I would rather me be in the dark, then for you to have to see it.

Author's Note

Feeling very alone right now. I've been listening to a cover of Safe and Sound over and over again. Let me know what you guys think!

Reviews

[Alicia Schroeder]

Such a sad peice, but very well expressed through your words.. Great job :)

[quarintine_deathangel]

Don't be all alone, there's tons of people in the world just talk or inbox em ;) XD You made a good poem with your emotions crystal clear through it and the comparison was perfect! nice job ^.^ thanks for writing.

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you so much :) I'll keep that in mind.

[Hachamecha]

It's a very nice poem. I can feel the emotion and sympathize with the >character< in the poem, or the writer. nyaaaaa...
ayway, it was a good read :)

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :P

[Invisible]

dying in the ocean would be frightful indeed.

[Heromen Selena]

Yep very bad

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

So very sad, but so very beautiful!!! I love the way you expressed the lonelieness!! I can definately identify with this. Especially the very last line. That's what hits me the hardest. I'm gonna go cry now, but Amazing write!!!

[Heromen Selena]

aw I'm making everyone sad!! sorry :/

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

don't be sorry I loved it!!!! And the whole point of writing is to be able to express the way youre feeling in a way that other people can understand it.

[Heromen Selena]

Okay thank you so much :)

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Your welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the story and the dark emotion of this poem. Sometime hard to see hope when surrounded by disappointment.
"Once, Twice, Three times
That's all it takes for me to give up"
I like the way you ended the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you so much :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[MOON]

Sad lonely you bring out that feeling well. Good word choice.

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :)

[Dean Kuch®]

The expressive choice of vocabulary you've chosen for this certainly paints a picture of loss and lonliness. Lonliness is often painful, but it can always be counted on to be a faithful companion, especially when no one else is around.
A poignantly moving write...

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for your inspiring words

[Dean Kuch&reg;]

My pleasure.
PB... :}

[Rhea752]

awwww it's very lonely and depressing. awww. now i'm all sad.
:(

[Heromen Selena]

sorry!

[Rose of Gondor]

:( Beautiful, but loneliness can be painful, and sometimes it seems like there would never be day, and you'd never find the shore again, and you'd be lost inside the pain and hurt. But don't give up. Let the waves push you under, once, twice, three times. But know, whatever happens, in the end, you'll find the shore again, and don't give up, because you have to shine bright, like the sun, and emerge from the darkness, better and brighter.

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :)

[Rose of Gondor]

My pleasure. :)