Devil in a Pink Dress

I tried to reach my inner hatred. I don't think I reached it. Something else needs to inspire me to create something full of anger.

Whats wrong with you?
Look what you did!
In a matter of seconds everything I had
You destroyed

It seems that anything can go
Smashed into tiny pieces
In no more than a few seconds
That's not what I ask now

It's what kind of person can do it?
A heartless creature from hell, That's who
That creature seems to be
Prowling down the street to it's next victim

A horrid pink dress covers her disgusting body
I see red horns coming out of her head
A spike tail swishing between her legs
Heels taping down the road

Lies, Hatred, Rage
My eyes look down at what she has done
My heart torn out of me in pieces on the ground
The parts won't fit together in the same way before

Blood courses through my veins
Hot and steaming with revenge
I scream and her to turn around
I let my actions speak for me

The evil in a girls body is finished
She won't cause pain anymore
My deed is done, my duty is fulfilled
No one would've stopped me anyways

Author's Note

Goodness, I need help badly on how to fix this poem.

Reviews

[Mike]

I think you should use a little bit more actions shes caused such as stealing a guy breaking your feelings or a friend turned foe somewhere along those lines i personnally like the poem just needs a little bit more description but overall this i think is a more unexlpored theme so go and pioneer :)

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for the helpful suggestions! I'll get on it. I know it's been a long time but maybe since it's been so long I'll be better at it.

[Kiari Sabon]

i really liked this

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :)

[Whiskurz]

Very nicely penned.....Bravo my friend......Whisk

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :)

[Xhiljola]

very nice write. i enjoyed reading it.

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for your review

[Rhea752]

LOVE :P

[Heromen Selena]

Oh thank you!

[Hachamecha]

I like it/

What's wrong with you?
Look what you've done!
In a matter of seconds..
Everything I had-
You destroyed.

I don't know. I like how it is.

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for the review

[Amberway]

This gave a different perspective, I thought in how relationships with people can crash and burn so easily and quickly. I am really interested in how the person telling this ordeal had began to feel this way and for what reasons, so maybe a little more detail would suffice. :) Overall, good poem!

[Heromen Selena]

Oh thank you for your feedback!!

[.]

ahh i loved this, it speaks the truth and it speaks for all, very nice

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :)

[Becky Clancy]

I like it (: I can feel the anger in here

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for the review :)