Chapter Two: Cherysford Elite

Enjoy the read! <3

The dark wood doors swung open, the light from inside the building pouring out onto the stone steps leading up to the doors. I waited, clutching my valise in my hands. A woman appeared in the doorway. She looked to be in about her mid-thirties, with her dark hair twisted into a neat bun at the top of her head. She wore a grey pencil skirt and a neat grey blazer, and her feet were clad in grey pumps. She looked the exact image of a boarding school teacher.

‘’Welcome to Cherysford Elite,’’ she said, in a surprisingly warm voice. For all her stern apparel, she sounded nice. 

‘’You must be Isabelle Wynne, am I right?’’ she asked, quickly descending the steps and making her way to me with hand outstretched. She shook my hand warmly as I nodded, and she introduced herself as Miss Rennan, secretary of Mr. Heart. He was the principal of Cherysford Elite. Apparently here in England they say headmaster instead of principal. It would take some getting used to. 

Miss Rennan led me into the building, and my jaw dropped. As magnificent as the building had been on the outside, the inside was even better. Rich gold tapestry covered the walls. The floor was covered by a thick red carpet that went all the way up the grand staircase at the end of the hall. There were doors everywhere, and signs telling what was behind them. There was a coat closet, a kitchen, a dining hall, the game room, etc. Miss Rennan had the butler take my coat and valise and briskly ushered me up the stairs. She walked quickly, but gracefully, and made me wonder if she had been a dancer. I thought of the modern dance classes I’d gone to, and hoped they’d have dance classes here. 

‘’Mr. Heart will explain the rules, and then I’ll show you to your dormitory,’’ Miss Rennan was saying. She stopped at a large door with a silver sign reading ‘headmaster’ fastened on it, and knocked.

‘’Come in,’’ a deep voice called, and Miss Rennan pushed the door open, ushering me inside.

‘’This is the new girl, Mr. Heart. Isabelle Wynne,’’ Miss Rennan said, her voice professional and polished, unlike the warm voice she had used on me. I looked at her in surprise, but then again it was normal she should sound professional to her boss. I glanced between the two of them. Mr. Heart, a rather handsome older man in his forties, was looking at Miss Rennan with a warm look on his face. Miss Rennan was blushing. She quickly broke the moment by saying: ‘’See you later, Isabelle.’’

I resisted the urge to clap my hands and jump up and down, but inside I was filled with glee. I loved matchmaking, and this was the perfect opportunity. Mr. Heart and miss Rennan liked each other, that was plain. But did they know the other liked them back?

‘’Welcome to Cherysford Elite, miss Wynne. Won’t you take a seat?’’ asked Mr. Heart. The deep, fatherly voice he had reminded me of my father. Warm brown eyes twinkled at me from his clean-shaven face. His dark hair had streaks of grey in them, and I wondered if his pupils had caused those. 

‘’Thank you,’’ I murmured, sitting down opposite him. He leaned on his desks, clasping his hands and looking at me, a honest and direct gaze.

‘’Well, miss Wynne. It’s good to see you here. I was in my last year of school here when your mother came here. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, but you look a lot like her.’’

‘’I have heard that a lot,’’ I laughed. ‘’But my mother was so beautiful I dare not believe it.’’

‘’The beauty of Cherysford, I believe they called her. She was extraordinary beautiful, but when people tell her you look like her, you can believe it, my child. I hope you will like it here at CE, miss Wynne. We have a few simple rules here, which are included in this pamphlet of the school. It also includes a map, and I’ve printed out your schedule for you,’’ Mr. Heart explained.

 ‘’Thank you,’’ I said, again, accepting the small folder from him. It had the Cherysford Elite logo on it, and a magnificent picture of the school. I looked at my schedule for today. It was Monday, six AM and I was tired, but I was looking forward to new lessons. I looked at my schedule for today.

08.30-09.00: Registration

09.00-10.00: English

10.00-11.00: Math

11.00-12.00: History

12.00-13.00: Lunch

13.00-14.00: French

14.00-15.00: Drama

I almost jumped for joy when I saw drama on the list. Beside dance, it had been my favorite subject at school, right next to music and English. ‘You are an artistic person, just like your mom,’ my dad had always told me. It was true. Much to my father’s disappointment, I had a severe dislike for math and economics, subjects he was passionate about. 

‘’Miss Rennan will lead you to your dormitory and first class. I hope you will soon feel at home here,’’ said Mr. Heart, with a kind smile. He shook my hand again, and opened to the door for me. 

Walking through the warm, long halls of Cherysford Elite, I felt a little more at home than I had before. I knew two people now, and thankfully they hadn’t been jerks or b*****s. I didn’t know what the students would be like, though. I hoped I’d be accepted, or my life here would be even worse than I anticipated.

Miss Rennan knocked on another dark wood door with 245 written on it in gold. She explained that this was my dormitory, and before she could even finish her sentence the door opened.

A slender, rather petite girl with pixie hair appeared in the doorway. She reminded me of Alice Cullen in Twilight, only more human. She was smiling widely and her eyes brightened when they fell on me.

‘’You must be the new girl!” she exclaimed, grinning. Before I even knew what was happening, she had pulled me into a warm hug. It wasn’t until she’d let go again that I noticed she hadn’t spoken with a British accent.

‘’You’re American?’’ I asked, surprised and sort of pleased. 

‘’Yeah. I came here start of the year. As far as I know, I’m the only American around. Except you. That’s why I begged them to put you in my dorm. Go USA!’’ she grinned.

I smiled back. I liked her attitude, it reminded me of my friends back home. They were completely crazy at times. I said goodbye to miss Rennan and she pulled me into the dorm.

Author's Note

Please comment your opinions, positive or negative. Every review is welcome!

Reviews

[Mister T.]

First of all, a chapter which was 'easy on the eyes', as in, easy to understand and read. The flow in this chapter is great, causing me to want to read more xD
I noticed a few minor errors/illogical sentencenes/things that could be improved in my opinion:
- "a honest": shouldn't it be "an honest"?
- ‘’Well, miss Wynne ... not believe it.’’: You use 'a lot' a lot (how ironic) in these two sentences. Maybe replace one of them by '(very) often' or 'I've heard that more than once'?
- 'my child': in my opinion, this sounds rather odd. Maybe replace it by 'my dear'?
These are just minor things, which might even be officially correct, but I'd like to share my opinion on it with you :P

[Lavorther]

I think you're right about the "a honest" thing. Because the H is silent the first letter you hear is the O, which would mean you need "an" instead of "a".

[Lavorther]

While reading this, I couldn't help but think of Harry Potter. I guess that's just the first thing that pops into my mind when someone walks into a boarding school and goes to see the headmaster XD
Anyways, this was a good chapter, and it read really easily. Still can't shake the feeling this will somehow turn into a fantasy book, but that's probably because of the whole Harry Potter idea that is still playing through my head. Although I am curious about the plot of the book, as there is probably more going on than just a girl at a boarding school. There has to be some struggle in a book, and I'm wondering what that will be.

I did notice these chapters are much shorter than the ones of you other book, Magnificent Model. These first two chapters could have easily been one, both from the plot and the length. I'm not saying you should join then together, but you could try to make the next chapters a bit longer. Although I know that I tend to write short chapters as well, as it's something people regularly comment on my chapters. And since they are about the same length as the ones in this book, that is probably also true for you.

Some things I notices while reading:

"... she introduced herself as Miss Rennan, secretary of Principal Heart. Well, apparently here in England they say headmaster instead of principal."
These two lines contradict each other. She talks about Principal Heart, but then you say they use the word Headmaster in England. I believe the British word is indeed "headmaster", which means miss Rennan should address him as such.

"Miss Rennan led me into the building, and my jaw dropped open."
I don't claim to know all the English sayings, but I believe "my jaw dropped open" is incorrect. I think you might have confused "my jaw dropped" and "my mouth fell open" here, combining them into one.

"His deep, fatherly voice reminded me of my father. His warm brown eyes twinkled at me from his clean-shaven face. His dark hair had streaks of grey in them, and I wondered if his pupils had caused those."
Three consecutive sentences starting with "his". While not wrong, it's advised to avoid this because it feels a bit weird to the reader.

Please allow me to be extremely nit-picky here: the schedule was not aligned properly. I know, I am making a big deal out of an extremely minor detail, but I'm on of those people who can't stand things that are not aligned as they should. Writing the single-digit times with a zero in front of them should help a lot. While I am on the subject of uniformity, if you capitalize some classes (like the languages), you should capitalize all of them. Lastly, the dashes between the times should be either without spaces, or with spaces on either side, not only one. Alright, my perfectionist rant is over. I apologize for making such a problem of this, but that's just a slight OCD tick I have. But it just looks much more tidy and professional when you align it properly.

[Cass Morgan]

Wauw, wauw, long review! I love long reviews. I had to laugh at some of the mistakes I made, and honestly, I am so glad you were nit-picky. I never would have thought of it myself. I'll definitely change those errors and I'm eternally grateful to you helping me make my books better and easier to read.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[Cass Morgan]

Oh, I forgot. The chapters are much shorter, it's true. It seems to happen to all the books I've attempted to write recently. This chapter is probably around 800 words shorter than the first chapter of Magnificent Model, which is literally more than 1/3 of the chapter. I don't know how to change that.

[Cass Morgan]

Why do I keep posting my replies before actually finishing what I wanted to say :D ? I'll definitely work on making the next chapter twice as long. It's in the next chapter that things will get interesting... hint hint...

[Lavorther]

I was worrying making such a problem out of minor details might be unfair. Turns out It was a good decision to keep it in there.
It's a pleasure to read your work, and I love to help improve other's writing. Glad you appreciate the feedback though :)

[Cass Morgan]

I'm really happy you pay such attention to minor details. I think when you're writing in a rush of inspiration, you don't notice such things. Most of the time a reader's view is extremely valuable.

[Lavorther]

I agree, a reader's view can be really useful. Even if your story has zero grammatical mistakes or typos, there are always things you don't notice because you are the writer. Things like plot-holes, or a vague explanation that you thought was obvious. I've had some really useful reviews, so I know how valuable they can be. That's why I try to be as useful as possible to other writers when reviewing.

[Lavorther]

Oh, I missed those other comments XD
I can't wait to read what the "interesting" thing is that will happen in the next chapter!

[Mister T.]

First of all, a chapter which was 'easy on the eyes', as in, easy to understand and read. The flow in this chapter is great, causing me to want to read more xD
I noticed a few minor errors/illogical sentencenes/things that could be improved in my opinion:
- "a honest": shouldn't it be "an honest"?
- ‘’Well, miss Wynne ... not believe it.’’: You use 'a lot' a lot (how ironic) in these two sentences. Maybe replace one of them by '(very) often' or 'I've heard that more than once'?
- 'my child': in my opinion, this sounds rather odd. Maybe replace it by 'my dear'?
These are just minor things, which might even be officially correct, but I'd like to share my opinion on it with you :P

[Mister T.]

oh oops, wrong section xD